The Only Gift That I Need
By Misty Flores
Email: mistiec_flores@yahoo.com

Fandom: All My Children
Pairing/characters: Bianca/Maggie
Rating: Hard R - maybe NC-17Playing card URL (will be supplied): http://invisible-cities.net/images/gsc/femslash/02.jpg

Summary: Bianca's plans for a perfect first Christmas in Paris with Maggie are thwarted a surprise visit home, and the return of some old ghosts.

--

CHAPTER FOUR

Bianca had told her she was gawky as a teenager. Uncomfortable with herself. Had she never known the trauma that Bianca had endured in her early puberty, Maggie never would have believed it. Barely twenty-one, her Bianca was a goddess, all slender angles and silken, flawless skin. She wore a disarming confidence in her smile and in her eyes was that infinite wisdom that came from infinite tragedy.

And God, Bianca could be sexy.

It shouldn't have surprised her, how that love turned to passion, how the depth of her feelings for her best friend shimmered and changed into such a love that a simple touch exploded her senses, that she found herself fantasizing about a woman's body, and a woman's curves. But it did. This was the best friend, who she had undressed in the purest of circumstances, who she had held in the bathroom of a dorm, washing away remnants of Bianca's hangover, left sticking in her hair.

This was her former roommate, who Maggie had seen naked before, because they had lived in a studio apartment and it was impossible not to in those circumstances. She had seen Bianca at her worst, at her most unappealing. She knew Bianca was human.

And still, her passion for Bianca was frightening in its magnitude. Never before, had Maggie ever touched someone as intimately as she did now, never had she wanted to lie in a lover's arms, and never before did she ever feel she couldn't get enough. But Bianca did that to her. Bianca. Her silly, goofy, awkward flirting best friend who had blushed and squirmed during the I Never game when just sex talk got a little too risqué.

A while before, they had gone to a club, during the awkward transition phase - the fleshing out of what it meant to be girlfriends as opposed to roommate, what was different and what had to stay the same.

Maggie would never forget how Bianca had taken her breath away that night. From the moment she emerged from the bedroom, in that little black dress she had stressed to Maggie was so essential to have in one's wardrobe, dark hair curled and glistening, skin glowing and make up pristine, she had caught Maggie up in a spell. When Desire, that En Vogue song that invited clandestine intimacies in the dark, pulsed through the club, Maggie was heady in her lust-induced fog, taken over by the presence of her girlfriend, drugged with heavy emotion, scarcely able to breathe as Bianca moved slowly with the music, dark eyes magnetically locked onto hers.

Hands moved against her hips with possession and domination, a red tongue licked lips intimately, and hot breath panted against her throat, as Bianca's seduction overwhelmed and caught her.

She would never forget the feeling that night, when Bianca her best friend became Bianca, the sexiest woman in the world, the woman who could make her shake with desire with just a look, a shimmy of hips, a dark intense glance. Bianca could have asked her to get on her knees and die for her, and for just a smile, Maggie would have.

That power that Bianca held over her, that lust, it twinged in her blood and thoughts, and she was reminded of it on their faux Christmas, when that same look pinned her on the fur rug, fire crackling, heat from the flames almost licking her naked body. Bianca seduced her all over again, with her smile and her touch and that gleam in her eye, and never had Maggie been so helplessly aware of the fact that forever, she was Bianca's, totally and completely.

In the trembling aftermath, in the safe haven of her lover's arms, she whispered that in an aching confession, lost in the fact that for better or for worse, she was Bianca's.

--

"Study break's over."

Anna's announcement broke her out of her sudden daydream, dark hair jerking up to take in an older, stunning woman with that smile that made her lips twitch automatically in reaction.

"Happy Christmas, love," Anna said, when Maggie burst into a surprised smile, books falling from their place on her lap and she rose from the park bench to wrap her arms around her hero.

"I wasn't expecting you until later this afternoon!" Maggie exclaimed, pulling back to look up into the beautiful woman's serene expression, hands tightening at her elbows.

"Yes, well I came early, because I knew that chances were, without your girlfriend here to distract you, you'd have your head buried in those books, and that's not going to happen today." Blushing at her predictability, Maggie gave a half hearted shrug. "Don’t worry," Anna said, tweaking her nose playfully. "I'm used to it. I have enough of it with Robin. I'm almost glad she got dragged back Port Charles - at least there she'll be forced to see the sun on a regular basis."

Maggie smiled. While Robin was a good person, she was notoriously shy, and sometimes, a little too quiet. She and Bianca had become casual friends, Maggie had grown a little closer thanks to their shared interest in medicine, but when they had discovered not too long ago that Robin had spent her birthday alone, it had made her feel incredibly guilty, despite the fact Robin hadn't mentioned it once.

Bianca had said in passing, and Maggie agreed with her: Robin really did need to get out more.

"I'm sure you miss her."

Anna gave a small, tender smile, and tugged affectionately on a dark curl. "I'm just as happy to be here." Curling an arm around her waist, she sat back down at the bench. "Paris is beautiful at Christmas, and I think the two of us are just the people to enjoy it."

Maggie smiled weakly, suddenly reminded of her earlier daydream, taken to the sudden whisper of Bianca's lips against her cheek, her phantom arms wrapping around her.

Blinking, she sucked in her breath and let it out in a loud rush, ignoring Anna's arched brow with a shrug. "I'm fine," she said, before Anna could say anything else.

"I'm sure you are," Anna told her simply. "In fact, I think you're better than ever."

Rubbing at her arms, gathering up her books as Anna chattered to her about lunch at the nearby café, she glanced up at the sky and wondered if Miranda was finally able to see her snow in Pine Valley.

--

Bianca's heart was racing, and it felt odd, out of place, in the aftermath of what they had just experienced.

But she felt almost ridiculously protective of the woman in her arms, and she smiled at the intense feeling, as she caressed the featured highlighted in the bouncing light of the crackling fire.

Maggie whispered words that flooded from her in the wake of her first orgasm still rested fresh in the forefront of her mind, and it made her feel heady with deep emotion, floating on her own reaction to it: the quickened breath, the racing heartbeat, the pure awe of the moment.

"You know, for the longest time, I wondered why the hell you were so set on sex by the fire," Maggie said, eyes fluttering open under Bianca's caressing hand, thumb casually resting on her moving bottom lip. "But DAMN."

"Yeah?" Bianca asked, her voice a low, throaty chuckle.

One eyebrow arching, Maggie grinned sheepishly, keening lightly into Bianca's indulgent touch, pressing upwards just enough to press a delicate kiss against her lover.

"You know you're amazing," Maggie informed her, in that almost annoyed 'don't make me patronize you' tone she sometimes used.

"Only because it's you," Bianca answered, knuckles drifting against her cheek. Maggie settled against the arm that cradled her, humoring her girlfriend as Bianca continued her idle exploration of the face she knew so well.

"So..." Fingers gently traced along her naked bicep. "I seem to remember a particular phrasing about a 'first gift'..."

Bianca's breath caught, and she thought of that little Tiffany's box burning a hole in her jacket. Biting her lip, she studied the face of the woman she loved, considering the words that Maggie had spilled to her in her passion.

A part of her screamed that now was the perfect time for such a gesture. Another part thought of leaving her hours after planting the ring on her finger, assuming Maggie would take it, to go halfway across the world.

She swallowed. Forcing a smile on her lips, she feigned a look of confusion. "You mean this wasn't it?"

Maggie pretended to ponder that, curling into Bianca's arms to give her a well deserved glare. Pointedly, she smacked her on the arm.

Bianca couldn't help but laugh, shoved onto her back by her none to gentle lover. "I do have one more," she admitted, staring up at Maggie, who wore a playful suspicious look. "But now isn't the time."

One hand snuck around the chain, the only article left on Bianca, and Bianca felt a gentle tug. "You know, this can be used as a torture implement too."

"Who's kinky now?"

"Bianca?"

Knocked from her thoughts, Bianca turned to discover Reggie, jogging into the large, unfurnished living room.

"Hi, Reggie," she answered gently. "Is Kendall here yet?"

"Naw," he said, "But uh... I thought you should know. Your Mom's in there with Miranda."

"I know," she answered, slightly puzzled as to why Reggie would think this relevant.

"Yeah, well, just passed by, and she's trying to get Miranda to tell her whether Maggie sleeps in a room of her own or in the master room with Mommy."

Bianca's jaw dropped. "Oh God."

Reggie grinned wickedly. "Just thought I'd tell ya."

Rolling her eyes, Bianca brushed passed her brother to intercept her mother taking advantage of Miranda's all-too-chatty stage.

--

"This is hardly dignified."

"Oh, stop," Maggie simpered, out of breath and smiling, pushing bangs out of her sweaty face as she struggled to keep track of the arrows that floated up the big screen. "Just keep going."

Anna gave an audible whine, puffing and struggling to move her feet, stamping on the dance mat, horridly out of place. "They could at least put better music on this thing."

Stomping fast, Maggie managed a twist, landing both feet in the appropriate arrows just as the beats on the screen shifted momentum. "Stop complaining!"

"It's hard!"

Noel, the fluffy little poodle, gave an excited little yip, claws ticking over the wooden flooring and careening between Anna's moving legs.

Shrieking, Anna gave up, stumbling off the dance mat to give the television screen a good glare, hands on her hips. Scooping up the scrambling puppy before any further damage could be done, she shook her head like a disgruntled queen. "Honestly, what really passes as entertainment these days."

Maggie laughed, out of breath as finally the song ended with a tap, stomp. Triumphantly, she waited for her score, taking the bottle of water from Anna's outstretched hand. "I win. And best Christmas present ever. Aside from Noel, that is."

Settling into the plush leather couch, Anna gave her a smile and a roll of her eyes. "This was really what you wanted?"

Switching off the XBOX, Maggie grinned saucily. She had to admit, she did feel a bit like a twelve year old, but to hell with it. It was Christmas. This wasn’t the time to act her age, but her shoe size.

"Study break," she explained. "Back when Jamie and I were rooming together, after he and I stopped doing what we normally did ..." Anna arched a rather severe eyebrow, and she blushed slightly, head ducking down, "We progressed to video games. It's the ultimate escape. I don't play much nowadays, but, what can I say? I got nostalgic."

"Well, I'm happy to indulge," Anna replied, waiting as Maggie settled down beside her, drawing the squirming doggie into her lap, allowing him to bury his little nozzle into her neck. Concentrating on the pup, Maggie felt almost exhilarated, laughing as she clutched him closer, like a teddy bear, smooshing his warm little furry body closer to her heart.

It was only when she realized Anna had gone quiet, taking her in with a warm, odd smile on her face, that Maggie felt a little self conscious. "What?"

"Nothing, I just..." Anna's grin was almost secretive, forehead tilting against her finger, taking her in. "I'm just glad things turned out the way they have, is all. You look happy, Maggie." Feeling a spike of embarrassing heat course through her, Maggie glanced away. "That’s all I ever wanted for you."

Coughing slightly, her mouth curled up appropriately. "I am happy, Anna. I'm lucky," she amended. "I never thought I'd deserve this." Taking in an uneven breath, she glanced around the expensive flat, the large Christmas tree in the corner, the likes she had never had as a child, if she and Frankie were lucky enough to get one, the warm fire place, the warm clothes, and the content heart, and the curious ache that came from missing her lover and her lover's daughter. "Sometimes I wake up and kinda wonder when it's all going to fall apart."

"Do you think it will?"

Shrugging, she felt more fragile than she sounded, laughing unsteadily, and pressing her palm against her forehead, she shifted in her seat, sliding fingers through Noel's curly fur. "Everything else has."

Anna gave her a moment of silence, and Maggie was grateful for it, concentrating on the black eyes of the sweet dog, the warm weight of it on her lap, the way it stared up at her with love - even though it had only known her for a few days.

A warm palm settled on her shoulder. "Maggie, look at yourself. Look at where you are. You're close to graduating and on your way to medical school. You have a loving partner and you're helping to raise a beautiful baby girl. You have an apartment the world envies and you live in the city of romance."

But Maggie's breath was unsteady and she swallowed a little harder. "I promised myself I couldn't call her that."

"What?"

"My partner." Glancing up with dark, insecure eyes, she shrugged and blew her breath out, and admitted, "It's only been a few months, Anna. Should it feel this... this permanent after a few months? I'm just... it got so serious so fast-"

"And that scares you?"

Maggie bit her lip, contemplating the answer. Her voice was barely a whisper. "It's all I've ever wanted."

"And that's a problem?"

"No. Yes. I..." Frustrated, she sighed and shook her head. "We're young, Anna. We're young, and we're acting so... married, and it can't always last like this, right? There was a reason we held out so long, we knew what could happen if it went wrong, and Bianca agreed with me, and now I'm freaked out because I love them like..."

"Like a wife. Like a daughter." Anna's fingers massaged gently into her shoulder, careful with the tense muscles.

"What if Bianca changes her mind?" Maggie whispered, frustrated with herself for even speaking the frightened words. "What if it doesn’t work out? She's so beautiful and so wonderful and she's all I have, and I bet back in Pine Valley, no one's even bothered to ask where I am."

"That's their problem, not yours." Maggie shut her eyes and buried her cheek into the top of Noel's fluffy poof on top of his head. "Maggie, sometimes love does work out."

"Name one person it's worked out for," she mumbled, eyes opening to stare at her currently single, beautiful mentor frankly.

"You can't think like that and you know it. What you have is amazing, Maggie. Don't destruct it by second guessing Bianca's feelings. You have to live in the now."

"Maybe that's the problem," Maggie muttered thoughtfully.

"Hmm?"

"I want that future," she whispered. "I want that future so badly, Anna, that I'm afraid it'll kill me if it doesn’t happen. What if I wake up one day and Bianca leaves me and takes her daughter and the dog and this whole life from me. She's chosen people over me before."

"Maggie, what's brought this on? Where has this doubt come from?"

Maggie closed her eyes, and kept them shut tight, and said nothing.

--

Shifting in her old bed, Bianca sat up, rubbing her tired eyes to stare at the LCD screen that blinked the ungodly morning hour at her.

Unease and tension had gotten to her. Somehow, just a couple days in Pine Valley had taken the heaviness that had been sucked from her soul in Paris and closed over her heart again like a damp fog.

Her mother, God bless her, once again filling her mind with doubt. This town, once again, full of drama, kidnapped babies and a crying Babe. Her sister, pregnant and unsure about anything, her heart on a precipice with everyone telling her what to do, where to go, who to love.

Bianca should have never left Paris.

It would be early evening in Paris, the day after Christmas. She could be sitting in front of the fire, curled with Maggie in her arms, watching Miranda fuss with the new puppy, argue with Maggie over paper training and the nanny's schedules. Maybe there could have been a brand new ring, plucked from a blue Tiffany's box, and Maggie would have already started to get her color back from the sight of it, and Bianca would have explained how she wanted it clean and careful because she knew once Maggie started working full time at the hospital that would matter, and that she would let Maggie pick the rings for the commitment ceremony, if she wanted it that way.

Biting her lip, Bianca scooted over the bed, careful not to jostle the sleeping little angel beside her, to reach towards the dresser and pluck the infamous blue box she both loved and now hated. Creaking it open, she studied the little ring, the one that frightened her beyond measure, taunting her with the sincere power in it's meaning.

Alone in her love, Bianca rested her chin on her knees, curling herself into her own body and staring at it.

They were young, she knew that. Maggie had years left in medical school. Miranda was growing up and needing more and more attention every single day.

Things would be harder before they were easier, and she had promised Maggie they would take it slow. The last thing she wanted was to frighten her off. God, she couldn’t even have the spine to admit to her mother that she was in love and happy.

But Kendall and her shattered wasteland of a love life floated in her head, and she glanced at her baby girl, and thought of the happiness she knew in Paris.

And Bianca missed Maggie.

--

Curled up on the leather couth that had cost Bianca a fortune, Maggie had a puppy in her lap and a picture in her hand.

She hadn't meant to find it, but she had, a couple days ago, sifting through Bianca's drawers, looking for a particular prescription for Miranda Bianca had asked her to get filled. She had wanted to get it done before Anna had gotten there, and when she had found the picture, hidden and carefully placed with the stuff that meant something to Bianca, she had frozen in herself.

Now, with Anna sleeping, and Maggie alone with her thoughts, she had once again taken the picture from it's place, feeling guilty and yet unable to look away.

She didn't know why it bothered her so much, to see this picture, hidden away in Bianca's drawer of important papers and files. But just the sight of it turned her stomach, and the euphoria that she had been riding on had been dampened and shrunk, until the doubts she had found herself voicing to Anna sat in her stomach like a painful lump.

Babe and Bianca, smiling at each other intimately.

"I hate her," she heard, in the still darkness, Bianca's breath fluttering against her collarbone. "I look at Miranda and I think of what she did to me, and it just gets so large and painful, and it scares me Maggie, the extent of that feeling. I don't like feeling it. It's ugly. How can I have that ugliness inside of me?

Maggie closed her eyes, and didn't answer. Her own hate for Babe remained unchecked, and when Bianca clutched onto her tighter, Maggie kissed her forehead and thought of the time she found Babe with Bianca, naked, and the way she had shattered inside.

She couldn't help Bianca. Her own hate was strong enough to label her a hypocrite if she even tried.

There had to be a reason why Bianca would keep such a picture, why she would bring it with her all the way to Paris, and never mention it to her. Bianca was private and expected to be shared everything and kept so many things to herself. Maggie had come to terms with that - prying her lover's hesitant words from her had become a duty she had learned to love and understand.

But this- this was hard to understand.

Maggie put the picture down and thought of Bianca in Pine Valley, in the same town as that baby stealing skank who had some sort of hold over the woman she loved.

Maggie hated the fear that settled inside of her.

The phone rang, and she reached for it automatically, a distracted 'Bonjour' rolling of her lips easily.

"I know I'm not supposed to call," came the warm, honey voice, that jerked into her soul. "But I miss you, Maggie."

Closing her eyes, Maggie smiled weakly, helpless in her love, somehow relieved and still frightened. But she clutched tighter to the phone, and imagined beautiful Bianca, on the other end. "Hi," she answered raggedly. "I miss you too."

end chapter