The Only Gift That I Need by Misty Flores

Fandom: All My Children
Pairing/characters: Bianca/Maggie
Rating: Hard R - maybe NC-17Playing card URL (will be supplied): http://invisible-cities.net/images/gsc/femslash/02.jpg

Summary: Bianca's plans for a perfect first Christmas in Paris with Maggie are thwarted a surprise visit home, and the return of some old ghosts.

CHAPTERS

Bianca by nature had never been a violent person. The moment Maggie cut off her call, she literally felt like throwing her phone.

The unexpected snap, delivered when it felt her very world was dropping out from under her, shocked even her, as Miranda jerked and her eyes turned into little saucers, jaw jutting out, lower lip beginning to tremble.

"Oh, honey..." Shoulders dropping, Bianca swallowed hard, dropping the infuriating phone and moving to her little girl, sitting up in the little crib. "I'm sorry. I am."

Shaking, Miranda began to suck in large breaths, obviously unsure whether or not to burst into a full out scream.

"Maggie?" The baby whispered, in an aching little voice, reaching up to grab her mother's curls, shuddering and looking for the woman who wasn't there.

"Baby..." Pressing her mouth to Miranda's powder baby soft cheek, Bianca shuddered. Maggie's role as the other half of the parenting team had always gone unacknowledged, both girls too afraid to think about what it would mean. But Bianca couldn't ignore that it was Maggie, usually up in her late nights of studying, who would go in and comfort the baby girl after scary dreams and phantom monsters in closets.

"You need your beauty sleep," she had told Bianca once, curling in behind her, when Bianca had murmured sleepily she could have taken this shift. "I'm just the lazy bum you're keeping."

Bianca had tried to argue the point, but Maggie's lips brushed softly against her shoulder and exhausted, Bianca had simply drifted off to sleep.

And now Maggie was half a world away, full of doubt an insecurity and Lena was there too. In their house. Lena, with her cat eyes and slender posture, and amazingly quick wits.

As the baby calmed, she realized, digging into the baby's flesh, was the ring she had been toying with before the playful call home had turned into the biggest fight they'd ever had as a couple.

Throat full, she eyed it, before closing her eyes and trying hard to stop her beating, panicked heart.

In the back of her mind, the one splintering cell that still seemed to trudge on automatically despite the fact that her heart seemed ripped into shreds, it occurred to Maggie that she should have cared that it was Lena who had been witness to the worst fight she and Bianca had ever had since they had been together.

Eyes that stung flickered down to the marble countertop, fingers sliding away from the plastic pricey designer phone, reaching up to run her fingers under the sleeve of the comfortable tanktop Bianca's personal shopper had picked for her, toes curling up against the custom designed tile Bianca's interior decorator had procured.

Boots clicked slowly, coming closer until the tall Polish woman, now clean and pressed and put together, pushed her left hand against the counter, a hesitant frown upon the striking features.

"Don't," Maggie said, a monotone insertion. Raising her head, she took in Lena's surprised expression.

"Whatever you're going to say, whether it's comforting or condescending or sad or happy or whatever. I don't want to hear it."

"Ah." A ragged sigh exhaled, Maggie knew she was closer now, when she felt it ruffle the tiny hairs on her forearm, as Lena only turned on the counter, tapping it lightly with her fingernails. "I won't speak then."

Maggie bit her lip, almost too hard, curiously numb inside. Bianca's angry words echoed inside of her, growing uglier each time, and she didn't have the strength to move just yet, but Maggie wasn't sure what to do, now that her fears were naked and open, witnessed by the very devil herself.

But Lena had made a habit of surprising her this reunion, and she obviously had no intention of stopping now. A warm body pressed against hers, a strong arm curled around her, and suddenly Maggie was pulled into a careful embrace. She closed her eyes, too weak to do anything but allow it, forehead falling against the tall, bony shoulder, sighing when a pair of soft lips brushed against her forehead.

She remembered being held like this before by Lena, nearly a year ago. She remembered falling apart in a hospital corridor, her heart searing open when Bianca's broken cries swallowed her whole, mourning the loss of Bianca's baby girl. She remembered Lena's words in her ear, the open affection, coming together in a surprisingly affectionate truce, taking comfort in each other to gather strength to comfort Bianca.

It surprised her, how vivid that memory came back, how easily she had forgotten it before: the depth of Lena's love, her capacity for selflessness when all Maggie had wanted to remember was her deviousness.

That blurry line forced her to pull away, as a shiver of recognition of the danger of the circumstance made her straighten, cross arms and smile tightly, wiping quickly the tears that had fallen against her will. Dark eyes watched her carefully, and Maggie forced down the emotion with a hard swallow, stepping back on the cold tile. "I guess you've been there," she whispered roughly.

Lena allowed a moment of silence, never moving from her spot, a small, faint smirk painting across her thin mouth. "I don't think it's quite fair to compare my situation with yours."

An even gaze met her own head on. "Bianca loved me when she was a child. Our relationship was founded in lies, and always the promise of something more, a promise that was never realized. Life was determined to pull us apart. The case seems quite the opposite with you. No matter how hard you try, it seems fate is hellbent on keeping you together." Lena glanced down, a pregnant pause, then back up. "I'm right, aren't I?"

She had to laugh, a rough, short chuckle at the meaning behind the statement, the words inferred. The situation was utterly hopeless. "Am I just pathetic?"

Bangs fell forward as the forehead tilted and Lena raised her hand, combing them back, eyes bright with curiosity. "How so?"

"I'm completely transparent," Maggie muttered, in her distraction curling her hand around Miranda's sippee cup, on the counter for easy access, twirling the colored plastic straw. "Even Jonathan saw right through me. No matter how hard I tried to convince him, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, there's never been anyone else. And it doesn't matter what she does or who she loves, I'm hers. I've always been hers. From the damned day she ran straight into me and thought I was my sister. You know, I never wanted anything Frankie had. Nothing. I wanted to be completely unlike her. She was such a screw up and I was determined to be somebody. I thought everything she had or wanted was worthless. And I wanted so badly not to be worthless. And she dies and I meet Bianca and suddenly I was jealous as hell of Frankie. Because Bianca loved her - somehow, my deadbeat sister had gotten someone to love her, fight for her, remember her." Maggie's mouth twitched. "I hate that I sometimes wonder who Bianca loves more: me or Frankie."

"Would you hate me if I myself admit to wondering if I had asked Bianca to cut you out, if she would have?"

"Well, I guess it doesn't matter, does it?" Maggie asked calmly. "Because you and I and even Kendall were pitted against Babe, and Babe won. She's got us all trumped."

"Ah, yes..." Lena sighed loudly, straightening her shoulders in contemplation. "We always did work better when we sniped. It seemed easier, when we were honest."

"I wasn't ever honest with you," Maggie admitted, somehow reluctantly managing a smile of her own. "You asked me if I loved Bianca and I dodged it. Even you knew."

Lena pursed her lips, arms suddenly spreading over her chest, rubbing along her expensive suit. "Do you know what I have waiting for me at home, Maggie? I have a loft. A personal trainer. An assistant who is terrified of me. I have a nickname and a façade and a succession of lovers with little intimacy and a lot of good sex. I have my mother's ashes sitting on a mantle and a corner office with a leather chair."

Lena smiled faintly. "You have a messy apartment, Maggie. With a doorman who considers himself privy to your private affairs. You have a dog who has accidents in your house, you have toys strewn over the floor that make it easy to trip over. You have sippee cups and frames with pictures. You have a tree with a large shoe under it. You have a fireplace and a best friend who calls simply to hear your voice."

Maggie gaze lowered, fingers sliding deliberately over the hard plastic of Miranda's cup.

"I had a Bianca who gave me empty promises. A Bianca who wouldn't trust me to put her together, only to tear her apart. You have a Bianca who wants to share her life with you. You have a future, Maggie."

"No," Lena said firmly. "Bianca is lucky. Because never in my life, had I found a friend like the one she has in you, Maggie." There was something in Lena's voice, charged and different, that caused an uncomfortable dryness in her mouth, as Maggie stood, speechless and unsure. But Lena only shook her head slowly, buttoning her coat, suddenly calm again. "Do not worry. I'm not a fan of entering battles I cannot win. Not anymore," she added, almost in afterthought. "Perhaps it is not entirely selfless. Perhaps I am not the person best designed to guard you through this. Everything you should be told, I will not. I think you are smart enough to know it, even if your heart doesn’t quite believe it. But if there ever comes a moment where your future doesn't include Bianca, when you are not filled by her, consider the idea that there are alternatives." Lena's dark lashes fluttered, almost in thought, as she shrugged and took a step back, dark and dangerous and everything Maggie remembered. Digging into her pocket, she produced a white card and placed it on the counter. "Happy New Year, Maggie."

And just like that, Lena left, as fast and as disconcerting as she had come back into Maggie's world.

"Adelle." Bianca straightened, smoothing palms over the black skirt. The pretty nanny paused, in her hand a squeakie toy. "Can you please do me a favor and take Miranda down to breakfast? I'd like to make sure she eats something substantial before my mother plies her with sweets."

Nodding, the French Au Pair reached for the baby girl, affection dancing in her eyes as she lifted the babbling girl into her arms, carrying her off on her hip.

Smile tightening, Bianca let out a ragged sigh. She had been doing that a lot this morning. Adelle had been the least surprised when the trip home had been cut short, but there had been a lot of explaining at the first crack of dawn, and even with the cranky, yet always polite pilot telling her it would at least be a few hours before they could fuel the plane and obtain the necessary clearances for international travel, she still felt uneasy, uncertain, and ashamed for being so.

"Even if Lena was trying to seduce me, what on earth would make you think that she actually could?"

She knew she had over reacted. And inside of her, she knew Lena was a kind woman. She had loved her for good reason. And in her head, in her heart, she carried the memory of Maggie's confession, in front of a fireplace, quivering in her arms, whispering her devotion, diving straight into her soul.

But Maggie had gone and pulled the rug out from under her, and now her girlfriend was assured she was once again second place, and now that picture that was cherished inside Bianca was cutting in and out like static, overlayed with the deafening sound of silence when Maggie had asked her if she wanted her over Babe.

And Maggie, her beautiful insecure Maggie, was there by herself and not taking her calls, and even now, Bianca had no idea if Lena was still there, comforting her girlfriend, bonding over the woman who had broken Lena and Bianca up.

"Umm..." Bianca jerked toward the door at the unexpected sound, looking to see a beautiful dark haired woman with an almost amused expression on her face, wrapped up warmly for the cold. "No, Anita. But I could see how you could make the mistake when your back was turned."

Looking at the warm brown eyes and the smile that was suddenly frozen, Bianca tried to smile. She couldn't. "Anita... hi..." Body wilting, she pressed her palm to her face. "God, we had... we had plans today, didn't we? I'm sorry, I just... I just blanked."

"Are you okay?" Curiosity turned into concern, as the pretty nurse stepped further into her room, noting the Louis Vitton luggage, half packed and scattered about the room. "What happened? Are you leaving already?"

"Umm..." Her painful smile began to tremble, and exhausted, Bianca sank down onto her bed, hands wringing together. "Yeah. As soon as possible. I just have to make a stop at my mom's new house and then I'm gonna go back. I need to go back."

Anita's face was clouded, picking her way through the toys thrown on the floor to sink down beside her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Licking her lips, Bianca considered the situation, wondering if it could be discussed. "I just... GOD." Slamming her hand back down to her lap, she shook her head almost furiously. "I'm just so stupid, Anita. I'm just... I got into a fight with Maggie, and I just completely over reacted, and then she just threw this question at me-"

Bianca pressed her mouth together, trying to get the words out, eyes suddenly welling up in tears as she swallowed that damn lump in her throat that made it painful to breathe, much less talk. "Apparently Lena spent the night in Paris, and when the New Year struck... she kissed her... and... I just... I just saw red. I don't know what happened, but I got this... image, and I remember Lena, and I remember how beautiful Maggie is, here I am in Pine Valley, having the worst New Years - I just... I just wanted it to be perfect. I wanted our first year together to be perfect and it's all gone to hell, and I don't even know if Maggie will even want me now."

"Because you had a fight?" Anita's brow furrowed in reaction. "Bianca, I know it's a disappointing way to start the New Year, but I think you and Maggie are more than able to get over a fight."

"It's not just the fight..." Bianca bit her lip, wiping a stray tear furiously from her eyes, in that automatic way she had learned to, to avoid mascara tracks. "It's... I took this picture of Babe with me to Paris. I don't- I don't know why, exactly, but I knew Maggie wouldn't understand, and she found it, and I wasn't there to explain it, and then she asked me if Babe was gay, would I even want her, and I... I was so shocked I couldn't even the words out- WHY didn't I just say it? Why couldn't I just say it- Maggie, I love you, I want you."

Anita remained quiet for a beat, legs and hands crossed, staring up at her. "Maybe you haven't faced the truth yourself?"

Bianca let out a noisy breath, jerking her eyes to her friends. "What are you talking about?"

"I LOVE MAGGIE. I know I do, and this thing with Babe it's... twisted and I can't understand it and honestly, I don't want to. The things I did for Babe - with Babe - in my head - maybe on some level, I wanted Babe, but... that never meant that-" She glanced toward the dresser, and took in a sharp breath, walking toward the little blue Tiffany's box. "Whatever I felt for Babe - she was comfortable. Okay? I didn't have that... attraction that made everything so difficult with Maggie. Maggie made my brain hurt. She was beautiful and infuriating, and I was with Lena and not ready for... I couldn’t be with anyone. Not when my head was filled with my dead daughter. And then Maggie tells me she loves and I wanted that. But I didn't know how to deal with it. So I used Lena as an excuse thinking, somehow, I could get my head clear and Maggie would be there, and then I just... got wrapped up in my love for Be-Miranda. I thought I was going insane, and if I lost Maggie because I loved her I just... Babe was safe." Opening the ring box, Bianca's words were a rough whisper. "I couldn't fall in love with Babe when I was in love with Maggie."

There was a tell tale silence, and suddenly her friend was at her side. "May I see?" Bianca swallowed and handed it over, watching as her friend Anita turned the little ring in her fingers, the diamond catching the light, bouncing off a million little colors. "It's a beautiful ring, Bianca."

"It's Maggie's," Bianca said tightly. "I was supposed to give it to her in a cabin in the mountains outside of Paris on Christmas morning. And then New Years Eve I made plans to close out the Tiffany's in Paris so we could pick our commitment rings."

"Maggie loves you, Bianca." Eyes fixated on the ring, Bianca laughed, hollow and unsure.

"Yeah, but how much more is she willing to take from me? She found me in bed with Babe and ran into Jonathan's arms, and you saw what happened there. She follows me to Paris and we fall in love and everything is wonderful and then Pine Valley comes calling again to screw it all up. I just... I know on some level Maggie doesn't feel like this is real and how can I convince her when I keep breaking her heart?"

Anita's eyes were somber, moist, and Bianca looked at them intensely, hoping to find a measure of truth in those large brown orbs.

Instead the phone rang, distracting her. "The pilot," she whispered hoarsely, trying to suck in a breath of air to calm herself. "I asked him for an update."

Moving away from Anita, she plucked her phone off the bed and flipped it open, answering it with a sharp, "Montgomery."

"Bianca," came an accented voice, so familiar and unexpected a chill ran down her spine. "Good morning. This is Lena."