Title: In Between Dances
Author: Melissa Flores

Teaser: Angel reflects, Cordy's clueless, Wesley, Gunn and Fred circle around a lot.
Spoilers: Heartthrob
Pairing: Predominantly A/C, Gunn/Fred, Wesley/Fred, and Angel/Fred are mentioned. Fred gets around. ;-)
Rating: PG-13
Notes: A little reflection, a little fun, a little speculation, and Clueless!Cordy. I had fun.
The title and theme inspired by Pam Tillis' In Between Dances.

A little break from The Road Before Us – I'm hitting the climax on that and considering it's five chapters longer – I needed some softness.

--

There's room at my table, why don't you pull up a seat
The music's inviting but I'm staying off of my feet
The floor's getting crowded, but I don't wanna take part
I bet you can guess it's got something to do with my heart
I could sure use your company now
But don't be mistaking my smile
I'm only in between dances
Sitting it out for a while

--

The senses seem to explode when you're a vampire. Every look, every smile, every heartbeat, can become so achingly obvious.

It's not empathy, and it's not mindreading, but as a predator you learn to look for things, small signs, nuances that betray a weakness, a pattern.

In a way, it as the haunting rhythm of a dance. Circles, swaying and moving, always back to the same point, that's the human nature. The yearning for the familiar, the thrill of the unknown.

Never in my two hundred and fifty years have I been closer to the human animal, never have I failed to understand them more, and never have I felt so deliciously human myself.

But their heartbeats, their scent, their warmth, are a constant reminder – I'm not one of them.

For now.

And so I sit, and I watch the dances that swirl around me. Four players, my friends, my family, who actively participate in this little dance. The dance happens wherever we are, as long as two or more of the active participants are ready and willing.

Love has struck Angel Investigations.

Wesley and Gunn, who have recently given my relationship with Spike it's run for it's money for speculation of nature, have been close – very close. Best buds, they call it, with hand smacking and confidence in each other.

But in the true nature of the very less than modern love triangle, both men have done the unthinkable and fallen for one very cute, very perky, and sometimes not there Fred Burkle.

This dance is the most obvious one. Like two roosters, Wesley, the sensitive Englishman and Gunn, the street hardened renegade with the heart of gold preen around young Fred – yearning to protect her, yearning to love her and hold her, and watching now, for the other – waiting to cut in on the dance.

It's never more obvious that it was then, as I sat in the hotel, leaning over the counter, the way Wesley glanced at Gunn, who seemed to be talking a little too close to Fred for his own taste, prompting him to get up, intercept the dance, to begin one of his own.

Patterns, clumsily moving in steps as they move around the young physicist, dressed in long dresses that accent a developed figure, long dark tresses cascading over shoulders, eyes clear and unmasked by the glasses because she now wore contacts.

When she walked into the room, the first time after her transformation, I had heard the heartbeats, almost in sync, jump into a pitter patter, I had heard the quick intake of breath, the gasp.

I saw the smiles that rose in wonder and I crossed my arms, and smiled at Fred, nodding my approval.

It's not my dance.

Fred, always lost in her own world, has her own dance, always the genius, she's always marched to her own tune, a little out of step, a little out of sync, but she maintains her rhythm quite nicely.

But she doesn't have the partner she wants.

Because the partner she wants is me.

Fred, with her beautiful eyes and nervous chuckle, has a view on this world that's eternally refreshing. There's fear, and she still trembles, but her eyes light up with an unjaded hope for humanity that's refreshing and addicting.

In the darkness of this world, we need that.

In the darkness of my soul, I need that.

But I don't dance.

Wesley and Gunn watch, circling around, I think waiting, hoping for the day when I'll let Fred down easy, when I'll tell her about the curse of my soul – they keep hoping the glow will die in her eyes when she sees me – and it's harder and harder to ignore the jolt in her heartbeat, the faster breathing.

But Cordelia's already told Fred about me, and Fred doesn't care. She doesn't quite understand, not just yet, what I'm dealing with. It's whole hearted acceptance as she smiles at me, hero worship lighting up in her eyes.

Wesley and Gunn have a lot to combat to fight that.

Fred, dancing by herself, eternally asking me with her eyes, and her smile, and her hands, if I'll dance with her.

But I don't dance.

And Fred doesn't mind, her insecurity is still not where it should be and she accepts that there can never be anything between us and she still smiles and asks with her eyes, never expecting a yes-

Fred believes in dreams, see. She gets lost in the music and mouths the words but when actually asked to follow someone elses steps, she balks.

She's not ready.

Wesley and Gunn are both aware of that, but the fear has entered their relationship and they both have sowed seeds of doubt in the other. Because Fred can smile and laugh with Wesley but she'll bury her head into Gunn's chest. She'll research and look up demons for Wesley but she'll bond with Gunn over their mutual love of tacos.

And to be completely honest, when it comes to socializing, she prefers the company of Cordelia Chase.

And so the fear and anxiety has infected Gunn and Wesley, and their steps are hurried and jerky, as they no longer dance together, no longer trust the other, all because of one, elfin waif.

The dance is amusing, and a little disconcerting. IF one day Fred does catch on, if she chooses one over the other, will they be the bigger man and let it happen? Will Fred, flattered by the attention, finally abandon the would be dance with me in favor of one or the other?

I don't dance.

I've danced once before, at a prom, holding in my arms a blonde girl who had so much hidden strength it was engulfing – who the saved the world and looked at me with eyes that told of a broken soul.

And with my own soul, shattered and splintered, I couldn't lead like I was supposed to.

The dance ended and I haven't danced since.

Buffy and I will never dance again, because she's gone. Forever. And I'm still here.

There's a pang in my chest, a wound in my heart, and an odd acceptance that seems nervewracking even to me.

But the pang is slowly ebbing away, and I look back as I think of my beautiful young Slayer and I smile.

Sitting here, in the lobby, with my worn book in my worn hands I can only wonder about the dancing, and the smiling and the laughing.

The senses of the vampires never lie and I can feel and hear and smell and taste the patterns, the reactions, the turbulence that's barely hidden under the happiness.

"I thought we broke you of this broody sit in the dark thing."

The voice broke through my thoughts and I turned, smiling, surprised that I was so deeply lost in my observations I had completely missed her scent, so unmistakable.

It's the only other partner of Angel Investigations who isn't involved in a dance.

"Hey."

"Hey,"Cordelia said, coming forward. My mouth twitched into a smile as I let my eyes rove over my best friend.

Dark hair, washed with a strawberry scented shampoo, light hairspray that doesn't detract from the scent, parted down the middle and falling in whispy strands to just below her chin. Halter top, mid drift exposed, beautifully flat stomach and low riding black pants, set off with heels and painted toenails.

I let out an exhale, letting my book fall to the side. "You look nice."

"Thanks. Mind if I sit?"

"I could use the company."

She smiled coming forward, settling into the couch, close enough so our forearms touched, so I could hear her regular, steady heartbeat, hear the sigh of contentment that came from her lips, feel the warmth of her body next to mine.

It was contentment, as I sat, quietly, letting her shift a little closer, welcoming it.

"So... we're all going to a club."

"I don't dance."

She rolled her eyes, and I only looked at my book, turning another page.

"Angel, how do you know if you can if you don't you know... try? I mean okay, you might look like a spaz, but..."

"I've danced before, Cordelia,"I said finally, closing the pages, turning to look into her hazel eyes. "I know what it feels like. I'm in no hurry to try again."

She watched me, with those eyes of hers. The interesting contradiction of Cordelia Chase is the fact that she can be so incredibly shallow, and so... deep at the exact same time.

Hidden depths.

Eyes with warmth, a tongue that was sharp, and a face with a smile that filled my soul with warmth and…

The urge to dance.

"Angel you're gonna have to dance, sometime,"she said finally, giving a soft shrug. "Fred needs to learn, and she wants to dance with you."

I gave a short chuckle. "Cordy, Gunn and Wesley are more than willing to show her the proper moves."

She gave a short smirk. "But she wants to dance with you."

"I don't dance."

She sighed, an over dramatic sigh as she let her forehead fall onto my shoulder, letting her breath out loudly.

"Angel, what the hell am I going to do with you? Are you like afraid or something? Of the people? Cause I know it's crowded and all but I'll be there."

I closed my eyes, turning my head, as her silky hair caressed my cheek, my nose inhaling the scent of her.

"I like it here. Without the people. With you."

She froze ever so slightly, and her head moved away from my shoulder and I found myself blushing, quite a feat because of the whole blood circulation thing. Quickly I avoided her gaze, looking back down my hands.

I wanted to look, wanted desperately to see what the expression was on her face – what she had gleaned from that glimpse of hope.

Giving into the weakness, I turned, but she was only smiling, completely clueless.

That was Cordy. Clueless and perceptive – selective precision.

"I like it here too, Angel,"she said simply. There was no skip of her heartbeat, no rush of her breath, but her hand was in mind and she was rubbing it calmly as she leaned forward, and whispered conspiratively. "But we gotta you know, GET OUT sometime. We're not bears. We can't just... hibernate. Angel, do you really don't know how to dance? Cause I remember you slow dancing with..."she paused, licked her lips, looking away.

With Buffy. The one time I danced, the one time I danced almost well.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."I managed a smile, kept her hand in mine even as she tried to pull away. And I looked at her, the way her hair fell over her shoulders, the way her head was cocked and the way she looked at me as if she knew me better than anyone else alive.

When she winced, immediately my arm reached out to steady her, my voice flooded with concern.

"You okay?"

"I'm okay,"she said after a minute, hands clutching my forearms as she shook slightly. "It's... it's nothing."

"Cordy-"

"I'm okay!"She smiled brightly, reaching up to push a strand of hair behind her ear. "Really?"

I swallowed down the worry, kept my mouth shut as I heard her breathing, now erratic, felt the way her hands still clutched to mine, the way the little vein right beside her temple just seemed to pulse for no reason.

She was in pain.

"Maybe you should stay here, tonight."

"No, I have to go,"she said, smoothing down her hair. "Fred won't go without me and Gunn and Wesley, well they really want her to go - and she's been looking forward to it- though I just KNOW I'll be the third wheel. Do you know they both asked me to talk them up to her?"

I only stared, watching, not falling for the distraction ... I knew her too well - as a vampire, I had learned the patterns, the circles.

Cordelia had her own dance for me. Not like the others - but she knew something - she knew I cared.

And she knew I worried.

"Cordelia-"

"Angel!"I turned, my grip slipped away from Cordelia's as Fred clattered down the stairs, smiling at me brightly, reaching out for my hands.

"Are you goin' ta come?"

I smiled at her, looking back to Wesley and Gunn, both following with a less than pleased expression.

"Yes, Angel."Wesley said dryly.

"Please, come,"Gunn said with a tone that was less than welcoming.

Cordelia hit a smile, leaning back against the couch. "Sorry guys, Angel doesn't dance."

"I don't-" I paused, and then I turned, my eyes catching the hazel brilliance of my best friend. "I don't dance."

Cordelia rolled her eyes, slapping my thigh. "Forget it guys, he's not ready. Come on, Fred, we'll just have to have fun with Curly and Moe here."

"Did she just call us Curly and Moe?"

"Curly and Moe!"Fred smiled, and her hands squeezed mine, and she sighed. "Well if ya change your mind Angel you just let us know, kay? Cordy'll take care of it – she'll teach ya to dance. She's gonna teach me."

Again I looked at Cordelia.

"You'll teach me to dance, Cordelia?"

There was a playfulness in the tone, but she only watched me, a second longer than was necessary, and she shrugged.

"Sure, whatever. Fred, get your coat."

"I'll get it-"

"No- I'll get it-"

"That's okay, I know where my coat is!"Fred only shook her head, smiling and headed toward the stairs, ignoring the men who pushed and prodded each other to get there before the other.

And I was left with Cordy, who sat down again beside me, looked me deep in the eyes.

"So, how's this, Angel. When you feel you're ready to dance, let me know."

"And you'll teach me."

"And I'll teach you."

"You'll dance with me."

"I will dance with you. As long as you don't step on my feet – or go spastic."

I watched her for a long time, not sure how long I actually stared into her beautiful eyes, how long I processed the thoughts, not sure how much my clueless Cordy really understood when I extracted the promise that would mean everything in the world to me.

"I'm not ready to dance yet, Cordelia. I'm not ready. But when I am... you promise?"

She cocked an eyebrow. "Are you going to make me repeat myself?"

"Yes."

"Then, yes, Angel. When you are ready, I will dance with you. Geez. It's just a dance."And she rolled her eyes, slapped my thigh, and stood, fully prepared to walk away until I jerked her back down.

I took her by surprise, because I felt her heart pound and I heard the gasp, the intake of breath that kept her tighter against me as I stood, holding her and hugging her and gripping her tight.

"Uh... Angel. Are we going to discuss the personal bubble again?"

I ignored her, because there was a smile underneath the mask of annoyance, and she hugged me back, tightly, moving back to study me.

I feel things – with these heightened senses – I felt her leg, warmth and firm, splayed across mine. I felt the graze of her fingertips across my cheek, and I saw the sparkle in her eyes- the warmth and love and Cordelia, eternally clueless, only shrugged.

"You're such a retard."

"We're going to dance."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Again. Retard."

But the hope had nestled inside me, and it began to bloom as she gently disengaged herself, straightening her clothes as Fred and her two body guards came down the stairs.

Fred was chattering to herself as she ran to Cordelia, grabbing her hand and pulling her along.

"Bye, Angel! Just call us if you need us, okay? We're only a cell phone away!"

And they dragged Cordelia away, but she smiled and waved and Wesley and Gunn did the same, leaving me alone.

Because I don't dance.

But I was okay with that, as I took in a big breath I didn't need and reopened my book, rescanning the pages, mind and heart and soul full of a brunette with hazel eyes who had given me her word.

We were going to dance.

Not now – because I was in between dances – my heart and my mind and my soul and HER soul – everything was too fresh, too raw.

But there was hope, when the pain would die and the light at the end of the tunnel never seemed so bright at the promise of one very clueless young woman.

And the circles would continue to sway, the partners would continue to dance, and the form would never be perfect – but it was still music, and it was still beautiful, and it was still dancing.

And even I, with this demon soul and demon heart, in this dead body…

Even I would dance.

I had that promise.

--

I'm only in between dances
Sitting it out for a while
I'm only in between dances
Sitting it out for a while

FIN