It’s an overrated pleasure, when you really think about it. I’ve learned more than once never to take anything for granted and now, watching him, I’m so very grateful that whatever the hell happened to me hadn’t taken it from me.
Simple pleasures. Simple pleasures that he had never been able to enjoy.
By some sort of miracle, whatever we did, seemed to give it back to him.
Watching him, I could only smirk as I crossed my arms, sitting back, catching the eyes of my favorite half demon who was also watching what I could only describe as the single most funny thing I had ever seen in my life.
"Well, there ya go, princess," the Irish man chuckled, nodding to the scene. "That’s what you’ll be marryin’."
The object of our scrutiny looked up from his plate long enough to glare at the demon. "You’re lucky I’m eating," he grumbled, allowing a small growl to rumble from his throat, before returning to his previous task of consuming his dessert, along with the rest of my half-finished shake and Doyle’s cheeseburger.
I let an eyebrow rise, and running a hand through my brown hair, I finally just swallowed down the swell of amusement and only shook my head at the way he just inhaled the food. "Angel, you better ease up. I don’t know how long I’m living, but you better bet I’m not spending what I have left of my freakoid life with a FAT vampire."
"I told you before, I don’t gain, Cordelia." Angel gave me a smug look, and then looked at my half eaten plate of fries. "You gonna eat that?"
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, and was given a bright smile that I hardly ever saw from the King of Brood as he leaned over and took the plate from my spot.
Watching him, I felt an odd twinge in my heart, a twist that was almost painful as I look at the relish that Angel took in eating the food that his before dead taste-buds have never allowed him to enjoy.
I never, ever, would have imagined that just one simple merging of blood would have done this, and it was MY blood-
I mean, okay, it was some really freaky and powerful magic, and okay, technically I'm considered his BOUND, some sort of couply soul mate that he's going to be connected through out all eternity. But still... it's just... it's freaky. It's scary, and it was MY blood that did it.
I mean, GOD. Even now, three months after the dreadful, painful ordeal that had almost consumed Angel, after our breakup, the splintering of my heart, and in the end, the return to my immortal lover, the uniting of our blood.... and even after we realized that while he was still a bloodsucker, I was no longer human... not in the literal sense, at least... even NOW, we're still trying to find out the consequences of a spell that we cast that we knew nothing about.
It's a mystery... Angel's taste-buds coming back to him to him had come as a big shock to all of us. I mean, he's still Angel, he doesn't need food, and he drinks blood, but now... he TASTES it.
And he's warm.
His warmth consumed me. The blood in his body was... it seemed... alive. And I felt it, as I lay in his arms, feeling the heat surround me, a sense that I had never, ever felt before. It was... God it was amazing... the first time after I was... WITH him... when we made love after we were together again, I was so overwhelmed, all the emotions whirling inside of me made me fall apart...
I had climaxed sobbing, and Angel was so worried, that he gathered me in his arms and didn't let me push away, held me as long as I stopped crying, and even then, he refused to let me go.
I had scared him, but what he didn't realize, was that I was so happy... I was so happy because what I had missed... whatever that had been missing in our relationship that broke us up... it didn't matter anymore.
Being without him was worse.
It's beautiful, what's happening to him, to see the beauty of the love and the happiness in an Angel of the night who had previously only known pain and sorrow, whose brooding was only vivid in his face because of habit.
And I didn't mind. Mostly.
It seems that Angel, who for so long had only existed in this dark world, has actually began to live, and it fills me with such overwhelming joy, such relief that everyday is a miracle for him.
Doyle is as excited by it as I am. He loves to make fun of Angel and his new... quirks, but I can see it in my scruffy half demon's eyes. He's ecstatic, relieved to have us back, to have his family back in place.
It's like heaven.
To them.
And they're so happy... I can't say anything. So I keep the nightmares to myself. I keep the times that I wake up in a cold sweat, and my lover is sleeping silently beside me, the images of something dark in me, the fear of what I am becoming of, who I really am, bottled inside of me.
They're dark dreams, dreams like I've never had before. In them I'm evil. I mean... really evil. And I'm in places I've never been... and I'm doing things...
And it's so not good.
"Cordelia?" I felt a nudge at my shoulder and I looked up, shaking myself out of my thoughts.
"Hmmm?"
Damn Irishman. He actually let his eyes twinkle at me before he looked at Angel. "She's doin' it again, Angel. She's acting all quiet and stuff."
I glared at Doyle, and rolled my eyes. "Just because ONE of us likes to think-"
"But you've been doin' it a lot," he added, nudging Angel. "Hasn't she?"
Angel glanced at me, and his expression darkened for a bit as he finally put down the fry coated in ketchup.
"You okay?" he asked quietly.
"I'm fine," I said, my voice a bit clipped. I swallowed down the emotion, took a breath, and just smiled. "Really. Just tired."
Angel continued to look for me, and taking another breath, I leaned forward, and picked up a fry. He looked at it, curious, until I grabbed it and stuffed it into his mouth.
"HEY?!" he growled, and I laughed, ducking away when he roared, reaching for me.
"DOYLE!" I shrieked, tryin to scoot behind him.
"OH no, Princess, don't even go there. I want to be vampire free!" He pushed me back, and Angel grabbed me, pulling me toward him.
I found myself laughing as he began to tickle me mercilessly, grabbing a fry doused with ketchup in his free hand plastering it against my closed mouth.
"Open wide!" he leered, and feeling the red substance smearing all over me, and I finally did, to find his lips covering mine.
My squirming stilled, and I leaned into his kiss, pressing him against my chest, losing himself in his embrace.
Damn, he was a good kisser.
There was a groan on the other side of the table. "Hey, why don't you save some for the bedroo-" Doyle was cut off by a loud cry of pain and immediately Angel and I broke the embrace, eyes wide.
"DOYLE!" I slid over, grabbing his body close to mine as the visions racked through his head. "Angel!"
"Got it," He slid to the other side of the booth, and he held down the lower half, the strong vampire doing a better job than I could.
People began to look up, waiters came forward.
"Should I call 911?"
"No," I said breathlessly. "He'll be fine in a minute."
I felt his body suddenly relax in my hold, and Doyle reached up blindly, holding my hands tightly in his own. I felt my throat choked as he shuddered against my chest, holding me so closely.
I bit my lip, looking up at Angel, and saw him only staring at the scene. I knew, deep down, that Doyle's love for me stemmed a bit above friendship, that he had pined for me for years... it must have been hard to see me fall for Angel...
I could have loved him. Even now I know he's just as much a part of me as Angel.
It's amazing, when you think about it. How three people can complete each other this way. Although Sammis said Angel and I were bound, the truth of it is that Doyle's a part of that too.
And I hope he knows.
His eyes opened groggily, and he rasped, "Damn... what a way to ruin a mood."
"He's okay," Angel said to the concerned groups, and to prove it, Doyle lifted a shaky hand and waved.
He rose, and pressed a hand to his temple, while Angel and I both stared at him from both ends.
"Well?"
"Trouble," he said, "And it's big."
"Okay," Angel breathed. I raised my hand for the check, listening as Doyle muttered, "It's Kate."
"Kate?!" Angel repeated. Our eyes met briefly, and I took a ragged breath. Kate hadn't been in our lives for a while. When she and Angel broke up, it wasn't under the best of circumstances, he had almost died saving me, and she had accused him of loving me as more than a simple secretary. She was right, but neither of us knew it then.
Still, she had come through. When Angel's soul lay in a magical wasteland, she had pushed through the bitterness that she attributed to her brief association with us and helped me out. It was largely through her information that we got to the Druid when we did.
And she was still a friend... a non friendly friend, particularly to me, but... she still counted on one of those people I didn't want to see die. She had suffered enough as it was.
"Yeah," Doyle said, grabbing a napkin, and reaching into my purse pulling out my fifty dollar tube of lipstick.
My eyes widened when I saw what he was doing.
"HEY! Don't you have a pen for that?!" He ignored me, writing down the address before he forgot it and then tossing me back my ruined tube of lipstick that I could never replace because it was no longer sold.
"Thanks," I muttered, shaking my head.
"Let's go," Angel said, plonking down the money. I nodded, helping my vision ridden friend up and out of the booth.
"Cordelia, can you take a cab?"
I felt my eyes jerk up to that of my lover's, and I immediately shook my head. "No way, Angel. It's Kate, I'm coming with you."
Angel looked ready to argue, but Doyle merely muttered, "You two were never best friends, Cordelia."
"Yeah, I know," I snapped, feeling something in my heart heave. Running my hands through my hair in a frustrated gestures, I shrugged helplessly. "It's... hard to explain guys but... I feel like I owe her. For you." My gaze flitted to Angel's, and suddenly he swallowed, and I knew he knew what I was referring to.
In his darkened eyes, I saw his tortured soul, remembered the anguish he went through, trying to keep himself intact... remembered just how close we came to losing each other.
"Fine," he said hoarsely. "Let's go."
Doyle shrugged, but didn't look very convinced. "Just don't go making anybody mad, okay?" He let his hand drift across the scar on my stomach, hidden by the shirt I wore.
"I'm not stupid, Doyle."
He merely winked and walked out behind Angel, leaving me to shake my head, and smile, a smile that was weak and almost immediately frozen on my face.
Something in my blood... this feeling inside of me... it wasn't good.
I slid my arms around my body and I shivered, feeling my heart skip a beat. I knew the feeling.
I felt... cold.