She had done her damnedest to stay away from them. For years after she had toted a broken heart, a heart that she had sworn never to let anyone touch, she had repressed knowing them, knowing anything about the dark world that they lived in.
But, as Cordelia had once mentioned to her, once you're in, you never really get out. Kate's eyes had been opened, and as such she had become more attuned, been discredited and made fun of, her way of finding things that were always a bit off, a bit paranormal.
She had come to hate what she didn't understand, despise what she didn't know, fear what she knew was evil, and love the one thing she should have stayed away from.
With his old soul, and his beautiful face of Angel, the vampire with a soul had a brooding kindness that was haunting, a pain in his eyes and a strength in his arms that made Kate yearn for his touch. He was quite possibly the only person in the world who had ever understood her, listened to her, and he had saved her life on more than one occasion.
She had always known his heart belonged to another, and up until eight years ago, she had believed that to be the Slayer that was spoken about in hushed whispered tones, Cordelia and Doyle making sure never to mention her name in his presence, for fear the longing darkness in his eyes would cloud even more.
It hadn't been the Slayer. It was hard to miss the brunette beauty with the mouth on her that would have gotten her shot had Angel not been there to protect her. Young, thin, with piercing hazel eyes and a smile that could light up a room, Kate had always felt uneasy about her close friendship with the dark vampire. She had noticed Doyle's crush immediately, and although Angel and Cordelia always professed to be friends, and nothing more, it was clear to Kate, whenever she worked with them, went out with them, close to Angel, that he and Cordelia Chase, young secretary and the spine of the group, shared a deep affection.
Kate had always maintained that being friends with someone that good looking just didn't work.
When Cordelia had been taken
by a powerful magic, been used to open a new Hellmouth, she had watched
as Angel had held the girl in his arms, absorbing the energy, molding them.
He had gone crazy when they had taken her, neither she nor Doyle could
have calmed him down. And the
way they held each other
when it was all over…
It was amazing how vivid the memories were. The pain in her heart, the worried haze in Doyle's eyes, the immense relief in Angel and Cordelia's eyes as they gazed at each other, clung to each other…
And the sinking feeling in her own that told her the truth.
He belonged to no one else but Cordelia.
Kate and Angel had talked that night. It was actually more than a talk. It was a full-fledged argument, as Angel maintained his breaking up with her had nothing to do with his friend, and her accusations were ludicrous. He didn't want to get too close.
And the years had passed and she had remained closed off, by herself, working and pretty much doing nothing else.
She had sworn to herself she didn't need them, this brand of misfits. They only cared about each other, and she didn't need that.
And yet here they were, in
the dinky office that never really did change, a crisis hovering over their
heads that wasn't hers, and they still were sitting in front of her, listening,
talking to her, caring
about her when no one else
gave a damn.
Shit.
"Kate?" Doyle prompted.
Shaking herself from her thoughts, Kate looked up, seeing him offer her a cup of coffee.
She had forgotten how much they liked coffee.
"No thanks," she replied, smiling ruefully. "I'm all coffee's out today."
"Right." Doyle shuffled again, and then suddenly handed her a cork coaster. "Just in case."
"Doyle."
The warning tone in the voice from the man sitting in the chair was enough to make the half demon sit down, and Kate look up.
"Keep going," Angel urged, leaning forward, his dark eyes intently studying her face, listening, concentrating.
Kate took a shaky breath, and then passed hand to her side, over the wound, that she had to admit, Cordelia had bandaged well.
"Right. Well, after Cordelia had left I made some inquiries. No one really wanted to tell me anything. It was odd. Up till then no one really cared about my 'freak' assignments, but I just mentioned druids and everyone freaked."
Doyle and Angel passed a look, and she continued. "I went to Stanley."
"Stanley?"
Kate nodded, running her fingers through her hair. "My captain. He… he always stood up for me, thought I was going somewhere. He was a good guy."
"Was?"
Kate's eyes were hooded as she looked away. "He's dead."
"Oh, shit." The exclamation by Doyle was heard by everyone and it actually seemed to make Kate venture a weary smile.
"He told me stay away from it, but I told him it was important. He gave me some information. I'm still not sure how he found it out, but I gave it to Cor. Someone must have heard me." She shrugged. "Things were quiet for a while until… until a couple weeks ago. Stanley came into my office, said I was in trouble. Wanted me to resign. Said it wasn't safe for me anymore."
"What?" Doyle asked, suddenly confused.
"I pissed some people off when I leaked the information to Cor about the Druid. Overstepped my boundaries, that sort of thing."
"They never had a problem with this before, " Angel said softly.
"Yeah. No kidding. Usually they're glad to leave the scum off the earth to me and you," she agreed.
"So this druid thing goes higher up. When they found out about us getting that guy and invading their turf they got pissed, wanted to tie up their loose ends."
"Starting with me." Kate confirmed. "Next day Stanley was found in his office with a bullet in his head. Ruled suicide even though it wasn't his gun. I lost my badge, right after."
"You think the divisions covering this up?" Angel asked.
"I think so," Kate answered. "If the CIA is involved. And if they're after me, that means they're after you too."
"So that's it huh? The laws back in being the evil bastards? Kinda of a Wolfram and Hart kinda thing?" Doyle asked.
Angel's eyes flickered. "Maybe."
Kate pursed her lips. "The government's involved Angel. This is deep. We pissed off some pretty important people, and they aren't going to let this go until we're all gone. Angel Investigations has been a thorn in a lot of people sides for a long time. This was the last straw."
"Great reward for helpin' the helpless," Doyle muttered, rubbing his eyes.
"No one said it was easy, Doyle," Angel said softly, his eyes on his desk, his face vivid with concentration.
"Yeah, no kidding."
There was silence by all three of the, and suddenly Angel stood. "Cordelia," he breathed.
Gazes flickered, and the former detective and the half demon followed him as he stormed out of the office.
~*~
Willow was silent for a moment, her lips pursed, as she looked up.
"Cordelia, I don't know what to tell you. I don't think you should be worried-"
"NO?!" Cordelia snapped, her head flipping up, the bangs sliding to the side. "Willow I've been having dreams. He's inside me. He's taunting me. I'm losing control."
"Have you wanted to suck anyone's blood?" she continued quietly.
Cordelia swallowed, turning away.
"Well? Have you?" the redhead pressed.
"No," came the soft answer.
"Well then," Willow sighed, turning toward the sun. "Look at the sun, Cordelia."
Cordelia's hair flipped as she jerked her head up in surprise. "What?"
Willow sighed, gently squeezing her friend's forearm. "Just look at the sun."
Cordelia was still, but eventually obeyed, looking up to catch the orange sphere hanging brightly in the sky. The blueness of it seemed to seep in with the orange ball of fire, and Cordelia found herself staring at what Angel could never see.
From the brink of her conciosness, she heard Willow's voice enter her thoughts. "What do you see?"
Cordelia shrugged non committedly, offering an insincere smile. "A big ball?"
"Are you afraid?"
"Of what?"
"The sun."
"Of course not."
"Then cherish what you have, Cordelia. And don't ever forget." Willow placed a hand on her shoulder, and smiled lightly. "Life is GOOD to you right now. You're back with Angel. He's practically alive, and you can really be with him, and you can still look at the sun. You're still you." There was a pause, and Willow continued. "Cordelia, you... if you need help, looking up stuff, I can do that. But... you can't let this paralyze you. You're still bitchy Cor, right? USE that."
Cordelia was silent, looking at the quirky redhead who had been both a nemesis and once, the reason for one of the purest heartbreaks Cordelia had known.
"So you're still bookish nerdy Willow right? Cause I can't take you turning into Percepto non judgmental girl on me now. The change would be too freaky."
Willow let the words sink in as Cordelia offered her a tired smile. "Now I KNOW you're still you."
Cordelia chuckled and Willow followed suit, gathering her things as they walked toward the shopping complexes, turning into a small cobbled street.
"So... bridal shops first?"
"You better believe it-"
The shot that rang out cut off her words, and Cordelia's heart almost stopped when there was completely stillness for about half a second, before she turned, feeling the bullet whiz by her.
Shrieks filled the air, and she swallowed as Willow's eyes grew wide with fear.
"Willow," she breathed. "RUN."
And dropping the bags, the two women ran down the now empty street, the bullets coming closer and closer from the unseen assassin until Cordelia felt her body jerk, stumble, a searing pain accompanying a ripping in her abdomen, and her body fell to the ground, her head banging on a stone.
The jolt of pain that exploded inside her head was the last thing she felt.
~*~
"CORDELIA!"
They heard the scream come from the red headed witch, and immediately all three broke into a run, Kate reaching for the gun at her waist, tripping slightly at the flaring of her own injuries, only slightly behind the half demon and the vampire, who sprinted into the opening just in time to see a man in a dark suit holding a gun over a dark haired woman who was lying with a gash on her face, and a woman kneeling over her.
Before the assassin could turn, Kate's gun was out and she shot, the loud bang echoing down the cobbled pathway, followed immediately by a gasp of pain.
The man clutched at his leg and when his gun came up again Angel growled, his anger, the fury in his face, so completely evident the man in the suit could only pause in hesitation.
It was a fleeting moment, but it was all the vampire needed. As he would have picked up a doll, there was a shimmering glimpse of the evil vampire he had been as the man was plucked up and slammed into the ground.
The agent was still after that.
"Oh, God, Angel!" Willow's green eyes glittered with unshed tears, relief clouding the orbs as she looked down at her friend.
A tremor slid through the vampire's chest, and he found himself gasping for breath as he reeled, a horrible memory of five years before when he had found his then platonic friend broken, beaten, and near death.
He had almost lost her then. He had promised himself he would never lose her again.
"She's been shot," Doyle spit, his voice thick as he turned Cordelia over, the wound visible, seeping blood from the hole in her shirt. Angel felt himself swallow, barely noticing as Kate bent over the man that lay ten feet away, a look of concern on her features.
"Cor," he said hoarsely, kneeling down and gently gathering her into his arms.
There was a slight groan, and as Angel's fingers slowly slid up to thumb at the bloody cut on Cordelia's face, her eyes opened, almost seeming to glow for a second before she blinked and it was gone.
"Angel?" she asked softly.
He felt his head jolt, and he swallowed the emotion down, nodding slightly, picking her up gently. "Are you-"
"I'm... I'm okay." Cordelia Chase winced, her legs unsteady as she pressed a hand over her side, feeling an odd sense of relief, her heart hammering with some unspoken fear and relief that even she was not aware of. "GOD what IS IT with wounds and MY STOMACH?!"
The carefree remark, reminiscent of the Cordelia of before caused a smile to flit onto Doyle's face, one that fell off just as quickly when police sirens were immediately heard.
"We gotta take you to the hospital," Angel rasped, sliding an arm around her, helping her stand.
"NO!" Cordelia swallowed, looking at him, the panic in her voice so discernible that everyone looked at her for a second. "I'm fine!"
"Cordelia you're bleeding all over your shirt, and you haven't once mentioned that. And it's silk!" Doyle reminded her.
Her eyes widened and she looked down. "Shit it IS."
"FUCK."
The outburst came from Kate, and the quartet found their heads swiveling around to find the detective standing, her face now in shock as she stared down at the man.
"What is it?"
"I know this guy. He ... he was my ... my partner." There was a trembling in the husky voice, and Cordelia could only watch as the stoic detective put a hand to her head, the shaking suddenly encompassing her entire body.
And the heart that still beat inside Cordelia who had become a hybrid, who could survive bullet wounds and nausea and glowing eyes, wrenched, felt so very human, at the sight.
Because Kate, the detective who had always been so strong, so unbreakable, now looked broken.
~*~
When she was a child, her father had taken her to the beach.
The sand was hot under her bare feet, and it always burned her soles, but it had never occurred to her to put on sandals, because that would have been restrictive, and Kate always wanted to be free. Her father had once called her a little soldier, a warrior for freedom, and she had never been more proud of herself than the day her father, playing in the sand with her, had patted her head, beamed at her, and called her that.
Those years ago, so many years ago, she never realized the pain a soldier would endure. In her early years at the LAPD, she never truly understood it until she met the soldiers at Angel Investigations.
Sitting in the hard plastic chair, her ass damn near felling asleep, her mind whirling and her side flaring up in pain and her heart threatening to do the same thing, Kate realized the true meaning of the world soldier.
The younger woman in front of her, sitting nervously on the bed, had two chipped nails. Kate knew this because Cordelia had complained about it on the way. Over the speakers blaring a dead toned nurse's dull rhythmic voice, Kate had heard her speaking to Willow Rosenburg, and her voice as hoarse, tired, trembling. Her hair was windy, tumbly, cascading down her shoulders in an unruly mess, and her hand was now stained as red as the bandage covering the latest wound.
But it was none of these observations that made Kate realize the magnitude of what Cordelia had given up for the greater good, for the cause, because there were people who were much less fortunate, Cordelia was damn lucky to have gotten away with only a flesh wound.
It was the sight of Cordelia's eyes glowing an eery yellow on the way that made Kate's spine crawl. Her body had frozen and her throat had constricted and when her mouth opened a hand descended on her own and squeezed, and Willow's somber gaze met hers and she slowly shook her head.
Kate hadn't said a word, but the fear stayed.
It had taken her a long time to get over her fear of Angel, of everything he stood for, and she knew that although Cordelia had been in longer than she had, she still couldn't fathom becoming what he was, for him. For a vampire. For a killer.
A soldier did whatever was necessary, and Cordelia had done just that.
"What's wrong with you?" The dark haired beauty had her head cocked, looking at her with a suspicious gaze.
The former detective shrugged, leaning her head back. "Men are bastards."
There was a small gaze passed between the two of them, and Cordelia looked away. "I'm sorry."
A small, ironic chuckle passed through Kate's lips, and she answered, "It's not your fault Windel was an asshole, Cordelia."
"It wasn't yours either."
Kate's head jerked up, and
when Cordelia cocked an eyebrow, she opened her mouth to retort. The answer
never made it past her lips, because the door opened and a doctor strode
in a clipboard in hand, and a smile on his lips.
"Well, Miss Chase, you're one lucky woman."
"Oh, really?"
"I'd say so." The doctor smiled, putting the clipboard aside and checking her bandage quickly. "That was only a fleshwound, and had it only been a centimeter off, then the baby would have been-"
Kate's eyes widened as Cordelia gasped, and suddenly both woman bolted straight up.
"The baby?!"
"Why yes... I uh..." he paused, eyes flitting between the two women, shrugging helplessly. "I... oh Lord, you didn't know?"
"Know what?!" Cordelia gasped slightly.
"That... you're pregnant."
~*~