C/G
by Melissa Flores

She was going to go crazy.  Her entire world was tossed upside down, she was hiding in the bathroom like a damn preteen, and it was all because of the librarian, the old, fuddy duddy librarian.

She was ready to kill both of the undead morons that she was working for. They should have warned her he was coming down, Angel should have told her that he was bringing him to decipher some old boring text..

But duh, why would he? It wasn't like Angel knew, it wasn't like anyone actually knew what was going on between her and Giles.

Hell, she didn't even think *she* knew what exactly was going on.

Sighing, she got up off the little chair in the elegant bathroom and checked her hair, making sure it was still in place, and re-applied her lipstick.  Angel had wanted her to come to this party, to mingle, because apparently the host had connections with the demon sect that was associated with the Mafia.  Doyle had accompanied her, but he had to leave early, Angel had some pressing matters that he needed done, and so he sprung on Cordelia that someone else would take her home, her old friend Giles, who apparently, had finished decoding everything very quickly.

She was such a coward. He had come in late, but he had arrived in this tuxedo, and the old guy actually looked hot. Very hot. She didn't even have the gumption to say hi to him, she had ducked into the bathroom as soon as she saw him.

What was the matter with her?

This was Giles, fuddy duddy old Giles.

Who was a hell of a kisser.

The last time he had left, she had been left wondering what the hell was happening between the two of them. She knew what she was doing wasn't smart. Giles was in Sunnydale, he was a librarian, and he was Buffy's Watcher.  That, and he was old enough to practically be her father. She shouldn't be feeling guilty every time she flirted with some one, it wasn't normal that she dreamt dreams about him. For all she knew, he had completely forgotten about their little kisses by the lake and at the dance competition.

She was overreacting. It would be fine. She would just act like she'd never frenched him, and he would catch on. Hell, he probably didn't even remember.

Taking a breath, she nevertheless made sure her emerald green evening dress draped perfectly, accenting her body to it's best potential, before stepping out of the bathroom, her hazel eyes searching.

They found his at once, and, oh no, he hadn't forgotten.  She could see it in his eyes. They lit up with they saw her, darkened when they looked down at her dress. His face creased into one, sparkling smile.

She found herself gulping as he came to meet her.

"Cordelia." He said, in that British way of his.

"Hi, Giles." She breathed, smiling unsteadily. "Thanks for coming... I know that you didn't exactly expect to be stuck in a suit tonight."

"It's a pleasure."  He responded.

Damn this was awkward. They were both trying to take cues from each other on how to act, but the truth was, Cordelia had no idea how to act. She didn't want to be rude, she had really transgressed that bitch thing, thought  it was still inside her, but she couldn't bring that out with Giles. She didn't have that in her.

They watched each other in silence, and finally Cordelia said hastily, "Well, Angel wants me to mingle, so.."

"Go ahead." He said quickly, smiling, motioning with his glass of wine to the mills of guests. She smiled gratefully, breathing in deeply, when she heard, "Cordelia?"

She turned around a little too quickly for her nerves. "Yes?" she breathed.

He smiled a broad smile, "Save the last dance for me?"

Her look was started, but when he held his smile, she could do nothing but smile back, and turn away.

Through the course of the evening, she danced with many men, flirted with just as many, all in the sake of following orders for her dead guy boss. And yet, her eyes kept floating to the middle-aged man standing on the other side of the room, leaning against a marble pillar, a glass of wine in one hand, looking oh so suave, and oh so handsome. And he was watching her, his gaze a half smile, as if only he knew something about her that no one else did, herself included.

She met the guy she was supposed to charm, managed to get some information out of him using that flirty way that Angel had discovered and made her tone to the point where it was almost lethal. And yet, her eyes, her concentration, was centered on Rupert.

That was exactly when she lost her concentration, because the oddest thought popped into her mind; When on earth did he become Rupert instead of Giles? She didn't pause to wonder on it, because at that moment, two woman had noticed Rupert and were closing in on him.  What the? The nerve!

She held her plastic smile as she talked adamantly with the gentlemen with whom she was dancing, but her eyes were focused on Giles, who was now engrossed in conversation with both ladies.

Rage immediately encompassed her.  Sluts, that's what they were. Gold digging sluts, with their cleavage hanging out and their eyelids fluttering and their rings shining and their teeth white.

She was furious, didn't Giles see what they were doing? They obviously thought that he had money, and so they were using him! That was it! Didn't he see Night at the Roxbury?!

Damn man. She was just about to stomp over there and tell them exactly where they could put their 200 dollar Italian shoes when he looked up and caught her gaze.  Smiling and nodded, he broke away from them, began to thread his way through the crowd. Her smile froze as she now completely ignored her conversation partner, watching as he came to her.

He reached her, and with a small smile, took her hand.  "Ms. Chase? I do believe I have the last dance."

He gave her than unnervingly sexy grin, and then with a flood of relief, Cordelia felt herself smile back.  He wasn't a moron after all.  He was still her Giles.

HER GILES?!?!?

She didn't even get to venture on  *that* observation, because he pulled her into his arms then.

"If I do recall, we dance quite well together." He said softly. "Care for another go?"  She wasn't even given the option of answering, because the music had started, and he began to lead her to the music.  An damn but he was an amazing dancer, she had learned that the last time she had met him, when he had wooed her body, then her heart, just by twirling her around for a while.

That was all it took for her to lose her carefully constructed mask of indifference.  In his arms, moving to the music, she lost herself again, breathing in the scent of his cologne, finally allowing herself to laugh out loud as he twirled on the dance floor, brought her back in, his fingers like a small, wonderful kiss every time he touched her.

And too soon, it was over, and Cordelia was returned to the bewildering reality that she still had no idea what the hell was going on between her and this fuddy duddy librarian, who seemed anything but at this moment. The spell had been broken, again.

They stared at each other for one long second, and a hand clamped on Giles' shoulder. Doyle smiled at them both.

"Forgot my wallet." He said, lifting it up to show them.

Cordelia raised an eyebrow.

"Cor, didja get the info?"

"What I could get, considering you two didn't tell me what  I was looking for." she remarked dryly.

"Good,thanks, we'll talk about it tomorrow." He said. "Go home, you've done good."

"I'd like to think so."  she muttered, thinking of the very stressful conditions she had to work under.

And then she could have killed her boss. "Giles? Take her home?"

Cordelia's jaw dropped, but Doyle was already gone.

Giles hadn't said a word the whole time, but he watched her, smiling at her nervousness, and without a word, offered her a palm.

Cordelia looked at it for a second.  Oh, what the hell. What was she so afraid of?  She slid her palm into his, and then the flood of emotions started, and  she remembered exactly why she had avoided Sunnydale these months at all costs.

She was afraid of caring way too much for a man who most of his life had treated her as if she was the subversant part of the female species. She was afraid of being not yet twenty and falling in love with a man who was more than twice her age.  She was afraid of losing her heart yet again, to what seemed to be just the wrong man.

But the damage was done, and there was no backing out,  because he now held her hand firmly, and was leading her out the door, taking her home. She just wished she knew what she would tell him when they got there.
 

Doyle skipped up the stairs of  Angel's apartment/ office.  In it he found Angel working furiously at his desk, his day barely starting.

"Hello, Angel." He remarked happily, pulling of his jacket.

"Doyle." The vampire returned. "Where's Rupert?" Angel asked, a tad distracted.

"He walked Cordelia home."  Doyle said, shrugging. "I told her she could have the night off, she did enough tonight."

"Good." Angel nodded, rubbing his neck for  a second.

"I bet you anything something's going on between the two of them." Doyle suddenly remarked. Angel looked up, completely confused.

"Who?"

"Them, that Giles guy and OCR."

Angel stifled a smirk. "I don't think so, Doyle. Never in a million years."

"Oh yeah? Then why does Cordelia always act so cold when he's around? And he can't tear his eyes from her." Doyle confirmed.  "I've never seen our Cor looking so out of sorts."

Angel rolled his eyes. "You're dreaming, Doyle. We are talking about Giles and Cordelia. The two are polar opposites, not to mention that you know Cordelia doesn't date anyone with less than a 50K income."

Doyle looked unconvinced. "I don't know, Ange-"

"Drop it, Doyle." Angel said, tossing him a packet.  "We have work to do."

Doyle glared at him, but his eyes still went dubiously to the door.

It scared the hell out of her.

She turned, studying him, wondering what the hell was so special about him.

"What?" He asked, aware of the sudden scrutiny.

"Just wondering." She said, shrugging. "You're leaving tomorrow?"

He nodded, smiling softly.  "Right-O. I did what Angel needed before the sun set, everything's set, I'll drive back tomorrow."

She swallowed. "So, uh... I probably won't see you then."

He nodded shortly. "Not for a while anyway, until  you come to Sunnydale or I'm needed here." There was silence then, Giles seemed to be looking at her, waiting for something, anything, but Cordelia merely crossed her arms, every nerve on end, waiting for him to leave.

Finally he sighed.

"Goodnight Cordelia." He said, and with that he leaned forward. She immediately jumped. He paused, his eyes furrowed, but he only allowed one gentle grin before leaning forward and pressing one soft kiss on her forehead.  Stepping away, and standing a foot away, he stared at her with an unnerving fond expression in his eyes.

She found herself staring at his lips.  They had felt so soft against her skin, sent shivers through her, remembering those few kisses they had shared before, and how they had been able to get his memory under her skin so that she felt weird every time she even *talked* to another guy.

She didn't know what he had done to her, but she couldn't handle it anymore. At that moment, Cordelia Chase lost control.

She leaned forward, pulling his head down to hers with both hands, searching his lips fiercely with hers, moving against him hungrily.  He responded almost immediately, crushing her to him, passionately running his fingers up and down the sides of her body.

She shivered, groaning as the kiss became more furious. She was aching when he finally released her lips for air, and she shook her head, not wanting to lose the feelings that came with the kiss so soon, she leaned up and kissed him again. He groaned.

His breath was ragged, his hand twining into her hair and pulling her head back to allow him to kiss her properly, taking complete possession of her mouth.

He let her go again, and she held him to her, her eyes glazed over with desire.  "Coffee?" She asked huskily, indicating to the door.

His breath was loud, and fast. "I highly doubt." He managed to eek out, "That if we go in there, we'll be going in for coffee, Cordelia. I better-"

"Giles, get in here." She said immediately lunging forward and shutting him up with a long lingering kiss. His words of protest were diminished sufficiently, and she had no problem leading him into the apartment, closing the door behind her.

She turned to put her purse down, her body trembling, when she felt warm hands on her waist, turning her around, and pressing her against him. His eyes were sparkling as he brought one finger up, trailing it along her jawbone.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered.  She smiled, closing her eyes as his lips landed on the same spot his finger had been seconds before.

Damn the old guy had the softest lips, and they knew exactly what to do. He was such a damn wonderful kisser, it was firm and soft, and made her melt so that she was panting against him, waiting for anything, wanting something.

She felt so helplessly out of control, something she rarely felt nowadays, and the roller coaster emotions that this man gave her made her shiver as somehow they landed on the sofa, and his lips were caressing the crook of her neck.

She pulled at his head, demanding he give her a proper kiss, and with a dark eyes glazed over with desire, he did.

It was when out of nowhere, his palm landed on her bare skin, underneath her dress, that Cordelia finally realized where they were headed.

Oh, God, what the hell? How did she manage-. His shirt was half open, and she saw in horror, it was her fingers that were still pulling buttons out of holes, running along his chest.  She felt goose bumps, and then closed hers eyes when his lips landed on her now bare shoulder.

What the hell happened to her damn principals?  She moaned, allowing him to kiss her one more time, before gathering her gumption and pushing him away.

"We can't." She breathed, moving back.  He looked at her, his eyes lighting up for a second in shock.

"Cordelia." he breathed, "Are you a virgin?"

She looked taken aback for a moment, and chuckled. "I wish." She replied, shaking her head.  She watched him for a moment, trying to get control of himself, and she realized how much of a gentlemen he really was. He didn't even bother to ask why, simply because she wished it, he had contained himself, even though she could see he was still very excited.  Right then, she could finally see her old fuddy duddy, the one she could talk to, and she felt relieved.  "Giles- Rupert.... we can't ... not yet. ..  I mean, don't you think this is all kind of going a little fast?"

He sat up, concern etching his features. "How do you mean?" He asked softly.

She rubbed at her neck, pulling her hair back as she attempted to explain what she was saying. "Giles... it's like.... after that kiss after graduation, it's been like... I don't know... it's weird, every time I see you, something happens. Not that I don't like it, I do, but.... hell, don't you think this is weird? Me, you? Doing this? This... thing that's between us? I mean...we aren't even dating!!!" The words came out of her mouth, and suddenly her face froze, and she swung around to look at him.  "Giles, I better not be some sort of booty call!"

"Booty call!!?" He sputtered, completely flabbergasted. "What on earth is a booty call?"

She frowned. "A mac?"

He still looked completely lost. "Mack?"

"You know! A Scam? Tease?" She continued, growing more and more frustrated. "Geez, Giles!  This is what I mean! We have this whole generation gap? We don't even speak the same language!"

He pursed his lips, studying her.  "Are you worried about the age difference, Cordelia?"

She sighed, not looking at him as she crossed her arms, leaning against the other corner of the sofa. "Among other things." She tossed him a look. "Aren't you?"

She was genuinely worried, and Giles knew that she had good reason to. She was right, their relationship was very, very weird, in her words, and to be truthful, it scared him just a little bit too.  He  blew his breath out, leaning back and folding his hands over his stomach as he looked up at the ceiling.

"I was." He said after a minute.  "And then I had a dream."

She looked confused.  "A dream? Like a nightmare?"

He smiled. "No. A very, lovely dream, involving you, and well... a tight corset. And cowboy hats."   He added. Her eyebrow furrowed, as she tried to imagine the picture, and then decided she would rather not.

"I don't even want to ask." She muttered.

"You should." He responded.  "It made me realize something."

"What?"

"How much I had missed you." He admitted.  She was quiet beside him, the pair lying back side by side, but not touching.  "Feel free to reciprocate the statement at any time."

"No, Giles, it's..." She trailed off, visibly frustrated.  "When you had left, the last time, it was like... it was scary, Giles. I mean, I had no idea how I felt about you, how things stood between us.... I'm not even twenty yet."  She went quiet then, and it was in what she didn't say that Rupert finally got her meaning. She didn't want a relationship, not with him, things were too complicated as it was.

He looked at her, and then looked away, his voice slightly less animated. "I see."

She bit her lip as she looked at him, his face passive.  "Would you like me to go?" He asked after a minute.

She should have said yes.  The smart Cordelia wanted to say yes, but the feelings that accompanied looking at his form, the feelings that made her well up with tears of frustration, of longing, and of guilt, forced her to shake her head mutely.

"Giles?" She asked, curling up into a ball as she sat on the other side of the sofa, watching him.

He had taken his glasses off, and as he turned, his eyes were remarkably clear, his face almost sad.  "Yes?"

Her lip quivered for just a second, and she swallowed.  "I'm not... I mean...  you care about me, right?"

He leaned up, his face blank as he leaned back on his elbows, trying to comprehend what she was saying.

The nervous, uncertain tremor of her lips, and the slightly shaking of her body made him suddenly realize what she was asking.

"You thought? oh, Lord, Cordelia." He leaned back, wanting to take her in his arms to reassure her, but instead he only closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were bright.  "Cordelia, I highly doubt what I feel for you I've felt for any woman.  You set my heart racing, you frustrate me, you drive me crazy, and the times that I've been with you in the past few months, I've never felt more closeness, more intimacy, than anything I've ever experienced."

She was quiet for a minute.  "So that's a yes?"

He burst out in a chuckle. "That is a definite yes." He responded.  He gazed at her fondly, and then sat up, taking her hand trepidly.

"Never doubt my feelings, Cordelia. Please don't."  With that, he kissed her palm, a soft gentle caress, and then let her go gingerly, getting up.

Still feeling slightly dizzy from the caress, Cordelia felt herself gulp. "Where are you going?"

He looked surprised at the urgent tone in her voice.  "The bathroom." He responded.

She chuckled, her chest deflating in relief, but felt herself tense, when he continued.  "Then to Angel's, he volunteered a cot for the night."

She swallowed, her throat full.  "You won't be coming back, will you?"

He gazed at her fondly, his hands in his pockets.  "Not if you don't want me to."

He waited for an answer, but all Cordelia could do was curl her legs under her, hugging them to her chest.  "I'm not sure what I want." She said honestly.

Looking at her, she looking much younger than twenty.  Rupert smiled grimly, resisting the urge to take her into his arms to try and alleviate her confusion, instead going to the direction of the bathroom.

Her eyes were on some unseen point in the opposite direction, but she still called out, "Don't leave the toilet seat up."

He didn't make a sound, and Cordelia was undistracted as her thoughts whirled.  She had just basically told him that there was no future here, and yet... he was taking it so well. His face had less glimmer, but his eyes had had that look that she had seen earlier, the one that made her think he knew something that she didn't.

She wished she knew what that was, because she sure as hell wanted that peace too. He had put her through way too much.

He would be leaving tomorrow, and she probably wouldn't see him for a very long time. The thought unsettled her more than she wanted to admit. This was very, very stupid of her, to be so hung up on GILES, but hell... what had happened to her?

The last two times, she had just went with it, kissing him back when he kissed her, dancing when he danced, but she couldn't anymore. She had to be smart. She couldn't survive any other way, living in Los Angeles had taught her that.

And it wasn't like she saw him every day or anything, she barely saw him three times in the past year and a half. It wasn't like they had a relationship or anything.

And yet it felt like he knew her better than any guy she'd known.

He returned, sliding on his glasses and grabbing his black jacket. Cordelia studied him, watching him as he was preparing to leave, and she felt oddly empty.

"Does Buffy know? I mean, about me and you?"

He gazed at her, and shook his head. "I haven't told anyone about it, and before you get insulted about it," He warned.

She closed her mouth, knowing that she had been about to spout off on whether or not he was ashamed of her. That man knew her too well.

"I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure for a while if there *was* a me and you. This relationship is....was... unlike anything I've ever had, I could barely comprehend it. And I wasn't sure if you would appreciate your old friends knowing you and I had... shared a few things."

She looked down, aware what that implied. He wouldn't be ashamed by the admission, but he had known  she would have.

How the hell did that guy manage to do this to her? She felt as low as a worm, right about now, and she was definitely feeling guilty.  She never felt guilty, for any guy. But she did for Giles.

Because she knew she had hurt him.

Her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears when she looked up, "Giles?"

He looked down at her, concern etched in his face.  "Hmm?"

She swallowed, forcing the request out, her voice uncharacteristically weak.  "Stay with me? Here? Tonight?"  He looked rather shocked, and she continued hastily, "Not like, shagging or anything... just be with me, together."

He looked torn, and he sighed, sitting down next to her. "Cordelia." He began softly.  "For my sake, I don't believe I should."

She winced, knowing that he was right. She really had no right to ask him to stay with her. It was totally and completely unfair, and yet, she knew that she somehow needed it.

"Please, Rupert?" Something about the please and the use of his first name shook him, because he turned away then, frozen for a moment as he gazed at the floor. She waited in nervous agitation, felt her body deflate with relief when he answered.

"Of course."

She bit her lip, aware of how strained those words actually sounded. "Thank you." She said meaningfully.

"You drive me absolutely crazy, Cordelia, you do know that, don't you?" He remarked lazily, watching her get up and walk to her bedroom.

"You wouldn't like me if I didn't." She tossed back.  "I'll let you know when I'm ready."

She pulled off her gown, and felt herself involuntarily smile when he called out, "Do put on as much clothes as possible, Cordelia."

For a moment, the wicked thought to pull on that black lingerie that she owned entered her mind, but she shrugged it off quickly. Either he would make use of it, or hate her forever, and neither outcomes was what she wanted, although the former was much more enticing than the latter.

In the end, she opted for a T-shirt and boxer shorts. Quickly, she washed off her make-up and slid her hair into a ponytail. Pulling open the door, she cocked an eyebrow. "Frumpy enough for you, old guy?"

He looked at her, eyeing her up and down, and he was still noticeable tensed.  "What?" she demanded.

He was quiet, but he answered in a gruff voice, "Perhaps I better go."

She looked completely bewildered. "Why?"

He groaned, now becoming visibly frustrated. "Because if this is how you look right before you go to bed, I dare say I shant be able to sleep a bloody wink tonight."

Her heart stopped beating for one full second.  "Is it that bad?" She asked softly.

"No." He remarked. "You are that bloody beautiful."

Her heart pounded twice as fast right then.  Shaking her head, she only gave him a good natured glare before turning back into her bedroom.  "Get in here, old guy."

"You're way with words is just so moving, Cordelia." He responded dryly.

"Oh yeah, like yours are any better tact guy." She said hotly.

He turned, pulling off his white collar shirt, and sliding off his black pants to reveal his boxers underneath, and the white crew t shirt he wore.

She smirked. "We match."

"Yes, quite the miracle, isn't it?" He joked.

They stood, one on each side of  the bed, when Cordelia finally sighed.

"This is like, the epitome of awkward, isn't it?" She asked.

He shrugged, but followed her lead when she lifted the covers and slid into them. Almost immediately she was in his arms, her head on his chest.

"Thank you for doing this." She said after a minute, the teasing tone gone from her voice.

He didn't answer, simply slid his fingers up and down her back, laying his head back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

"Giles?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you like it? Being here, with me?"

He gave an involuntary smile.  "That's quite a ludicrous question, Cordelia."

"Then why are you so quiet?" Her hand moved to his chest. "And tense?"

"Because I'm trying to fight a losing battle not to kiss you bloody senseless." He responded hotly.

She felt herself smirk just a little, and knowing she was not helping when she said tartly, "Then *bloody* do it, Ripper."

His eyes darkened then, as they met hers in shock, and without a word leaned down, and gently pulled at her lips with his.  She closed her eyes at his touch, sliding her hand from it's position at his chest to his face as she leaned up, opening her mouth to let him explore her a  little more intimately.

It was slow, but passionate, and full of emotion, and after a few minutes, he pulled away reluctantly.  "We have to stop." he said gruffly.

She sighed, nodding, aware that it was her decision, not his that made him pull away.  They were quiet, but she said quickly, "You know you really are fun to make out with."

He snorted, and she laughed.  "Yes, well, that's a relief to know."

"No problem."

"Cordelia?"

"What?"

"Exactly what are you thinking?"  When she gave him an incredulous look, he only shrugged. "I've given up trying to understand your motives a long time ago."

She was silent then, her lips touched his chest briefly, before she said faintly, "I'm not sure I know myself, old guy."

With those words,  they fell silent, and when he looked at her again, her eyes had closed, her breathing had turned rhythmic. She was asleep.

He sighed, aware that she was holding him so tightly it would have been impossible for him to move even if he wanted to.

She was clinging to him, as if he was her lifeline, and Giles knew that her sleep betrayed something her awakened form never would have.

She needed him. The thought filled him with elation, then sadness.

She didn't know she did.  He understood why. She was such a young thing, the thought of being tied down with an "old guy" like himself must have been a very frightening prospect.

Very frightening indeed.  Still, he doubted any young man would ever love her quite like he did.   Sighing, he pulled her form closer, kissing the top of her head as he closed her eyes, fingers softly caressing her skin.

He couldn't pressure her, she needed to make her decision on her own, he had to allow her that freedom. He would have to leave her alone. He just wondered if he had the discipline to follow through with such a commitment.
 

The wind tickled at her face, and she stirred, her eyes blinking.  She was cold, she felt herself shivering, and considered it odd, because her blankets were wrapped around her snugly. She pondered the reason, and then felt panic flood her heart.

He was gone.

Sitting up, battling with the blankets, she looked around the room swiftly. He wouldn't leave without saying anything, that wasn't like him. He would never do that.

But he was gone, his shoes were gone, his jacket was gone, the room was bare of his things.  She  sat up, her heart thudding heavily, her eyes watering with tears. She had expected this, she knew that he would have to leave sometime, especially since she had all but gone skitso on him the night before.

But why did it hurt so much to really find him gone?  She closed her eyes, putting her palm to her forehead. What was the
matter with her? This was Giles, fuddy duddy old guy Giles.

Beautiful, fuddy duddy Giles. She shivered.

It wasn't like he had asked her to marry him or anything, why had she whigged like that? Why had she driven him away? What was she so scared of?

Her eyes opened, and she calmed herself with a deep breath inward, and then she froze, when she saw a white piece of paper lying on the bed next to her, where his warm body had been.

Curious, she wiped at her eyes, picking up the prim white sheet, and unfolded it carefully. It was from Giles all right, written in his familiar scrawl. Sitting up, she read it carefully.
 

Dear Cordelia-

    I didn't want to wake you, you looked so beautiful and peaceful lying there in your sleep, such a contrast from the nervous confusion I've put you through this past night. I want to thank you so much for allowing me one night in your company.

    Now, formalities aside, I do have something I'm going to tell you that I believe I should have said last night.  It may throw you off, but I need to tell it to you, since I've harbored this feeling since our last encounter, those many months ago.  It's not easy for me to say, so you will have to excuse me while I garner the courage, even if this is on paper.

    I love you.

    It was for this reason I came to Los Angeles, I told you I had had a dream, but it was more than that. I happened when I came in contact with a hallucinogenic demon's blood, and thus the dream was far more real that I had trouble admitting. In it, you were the most important thing in my life, and that hasn't changed.

    I love you, and I do believe that it is you that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with.  I love you, Ms. Chase, and I don't believe I shall stop.  However, I do realize that this is all unfair to you, the difference in our ages means nothing to me, but it does, apparently to you, and I'm not for certain that you reciprocate my feelings, so I'm going back to Sunnydale, to wait.

    I'm not quite sure what I will be waiting for, a sign from you , maybe.

    Please understand that I put you under no obligation whatsoever, you are a young, beautiful woman, you deserve some one much better than me, I know.

    Do you know the Drifters? They were a band in the 60's, quite good actually. They wrote a song that I believe sums up what I'm unsuccessfully trying to say perfectly. I wrote down the lyrics for you.

You can dance, every dance with the guy that gives you the eye,
let him hold you tight
You can smile, every smile for the man who held your hand
beneath the pale moonlight

But don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling, save the last dance for me

Oh, I know, that the music's fine like sparkling wine, go and have your fun
Laugh and sing, but while your apart don't give your heart to anyone

Cause don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling, save the last dance for me

Baby don't you know I love you so? Can't you feel it when we touch?
I will never, never let you go, Oh, I love you oh so much

You can dance,Oh, carry-on 'till the night is gone and it's time to go
If he asks if you're all alone, can he take you home? You must tell him no

Cause don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling, save the last dance for me

There they are... rather cheesy, I know, but... I think they mean what I'm trying to say. I'm willing to wait Cordelia but, will you save the last dance for me?

Rupert

Her hands were trembling as she finished the letter, her heart numb.

Save the last dance for me.  What a cheesy, losery guy.  She attempted to laugh at the ridiculousness of this all, but when it came out, it became a sob and she had to bite the back of her palm to keep from sobbing entirely.

Check that. He had practically asked her to marry him.  He wanted her to have her fun, and then go to him. Wasn't that such a guy thing to do?

She could have killed him. He had left her alone, and what was more, he had left her with a torn heart, mixed anger and longing,  and all because he was so damn sweet, and so damn noble, and so damn smart.  She hadn't expected this. She never expected that two years after graduation, she would be forced to make a decision that could very well lead to marriage. She hadn't expected that one unexpected kiss could lead to this.

And even worse, she hadn't expected to feel that such a prospect wasn't such a bad idea.

And now he was gone. Hell, how was she supposed to make a decision like this without him? How the hell was she supposed to decide on something right now that could very well mean the rest of her life?

She really could have killed him. And she would. Right after she finished crying her heart out.
 
 

She wasn't any better four months later. She had turned twenty  a  month before, and had to endure a birthday dinner given to her by Angel and Doyle, who had noticed her rather laid back behavior of the past few months.  Angel had fretted and tried to "talk" to her about it, but thankfully, wise Doyle had merely left her alone, swamping her with work, allowing her to immerse herself in it.

She almost did a damn good job, until she received a package in the mail the day after her birthday.  She knew from the minute she laid eyes on it that it was from Giles.

There was no note, but she was almost brought to tears when she opened the box, and discovered three packages of Hanes T-shirts,  three pairs of boxers, and a Drifters CD.

For the next week, she was completely engrossed in her work, not permitting herself to think, not letting herself feel.

She went on dates, lots  of them, but every time she was with some one she found her mind drifting to a certain pair blue eyes, with that crinkle around them when the owner's face smiled.

The note was pulled out, re read hundreds of times, until the ink was almost illegible, and the paper was smudged with her fingerprints.

Each time she read it, she attempted to come to her senses, to try and get rid of her that feeling of loneliness and dread that had overcome her, and each time she thought she had almost succeeded. Until she would find herself pulling out a certain CD, pulling on a pair of boxers and a T-shirt and sitting on her sofa, the note in her hand.

Her thoughts always wandered, and they always ended up with the librarian.

After a while, she had to finally realize something about herself. She was miserable without him.

How had this happened to her? It should have been just lust, lust she could handle. She had handled it before. But it wasn't.

She had driven him away because she hadn't wanted to give up her freedom, and in reality, she felt more confined and trapped than she had ever felt.

And all because she missed him.

But could she handle it? Her last relationship with Xander had ended so badly, her heart had felt like it had been wrenched from her body when she had found him on that bed with Willow.  What if she ever lost Giles?

Course, if she looked at it that way,  it couldn't be much worse than the shell of an existence she was unconsciously forcing herself to live in now.

Conflicted with emotions, one night she skipped up the stairs to Angel's apartment, he had paged her with the code that meant get your butt over here now, and she was grateful for the distraction, because that meant he had something for her, and she loved her work, even if it was from Dead Guy.

"Angel?" She called out as soon as she let herself in.  "Hey, Soul Guy! Where are you -" Her voice fell flat when her eyes landed on a figure who turned as soon as he heard her voice.

"Giles." She breathed, frozen stiff.

The shock in  her voice betrayed her surprise, and Rupert pulled at his tie nervously.  "Hello, Cordelia."

She was so numb she could only venture, "What are you doing here?"  He pointed to the mantle above the fireplace.

"Looking at the pictures of the three of you. Quite the Mod Squad."

"No, I mean, here, you moron." She said quickly, her tone a tad lighter now that she was able to pull herself together.

He looked a little taken aback by the insult, but the librarian didn't venture an answer right away. He merely sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing at them pronouncedly.

"I'm sorry, Cordelia." He said after a moment.  "I didn't want to come, I knew it would make you uncomfortable, but it couldn't be helped.  Buffy needed Angel's help, the group decided to make a trip out of it.  Wesley stayed in Sunnydale  and they insisted I join them. I tried to get out of it, but Angel needs my help deciphering the text, and-."

"Giles." She broke in, putting up a hand. "I'm not mad." She said, shaking her head.  "Not at all."

He swallowed, looking away at the unsteadiness in her voice. "I was hoping to hear from you."

She crossed her arms, biting her lip. "I thought you said you'd wait forever."  The joke fell flat, and Giles only smiled sadly.

"I meant it. But one can't  help but have *some* wishful thinking, no?"

She allowed herself one small smile. He was quiet then, his hands in his pockets as he gazed at her. And he looked so beautiful standing there, the light from the street lamp floating in through the window and highlighted the tips of his light brown hair, his glasses hanging from the front of his vest, making his eyes more clear and sparkling then ever.

She had missed him so much, so incredibly.

"How are you?" He asked, in an attempt to fill the awkward silence.

She grinned weakly.  "I've been a wreck, Giles. You did NOT leave me with an easy decision."

He chuckled.  "Yes, well, I'm sorry. I couldn't quite help that."

"Thank you." She said honestly.

He looked slightly taken aback. "For what?"

"For understanding. Not many guys would, but then again, you're not like most guys, are you, Rupert?"

His face froze for a second, and then he smiled fondly. "It feels good to hear you say my first name, Cordelia."

Her throat grew dry.  "I wanna hear something from you now, then, Rupert."

"What?"

"That thing you said in the letter."

He looked lost for a second.  "You want me to sing the song?"

"No." She closed her eyes, and opened them again. "The recurring theme."

His eyebrow furrowed. "You want me to give you a book report, Cordelia?"

"No!" She looked frustrated, but felt her heart ease up when a smile emerged from his face.

"You're quite adorable when you get flustered, Ms. Chase." he teased, and then his face grew soft.  "all right then, I love you." He said immediately.

She gazed at him, and suddenly a huge smile floated on her face, as she hugged herself.  "Again?"

He raised a hand, brushing it through his hair as he repeated his words, softer, and more pronouncedly. "I love you."

She felt her heart well up, and she turned from him, her form suddenly still.

Giles' smile faltered, and he felt his throat grow full at the sight of her turning her back on him.

"I missed you." He whispered.

And she let out a soft sigh, her eyes watering as she turned to him, finally giving in to whatever craziness held her bound to him.

"I missed you too." She finally breathed, and her face creased  into a tentative smile, as she felt weak.

And two seconds later, she had buried herself in his arms, almost weeping as she felt her heart leap by his simple physical presence.

"I missed you." she repeated, her voice shaky as she buried her nose in his jacket, keeping her body as still as possible, for fear that she would lose it and start crying like a baby. And she shivered as she felt his lips on her neck, moving up in tantalizing circles to her earlobe. She whimpered, and then moved her cheek alongside his, feeling the gravely skin, that was rough and soft at the same time.

She loved him.

Oh my God.  She froze from the realization, her heart pounding terribly, as she realized the truth that she had been avoiding for so long. It was the reason she had lain awake nights, the reason she always felt tense, the reason her thoughts always drifted to him.

And she sagged against him. He only held her tighter. "Cordelia?" He breathed, cradling her face with his hands.  "Are you crying?"

She sniffled, as she stared at him through watered eyes. And ever so softly, she smiled, "Yes."

And she leaned up on her tip toes, and caught his lips with hers.  They responded immediately, her eyes closing as she lost herself in his touch.

Neither of them noticed Doyle tiptoe through the room, and slip through to Angel's office.
 
 

"These are the texts." Angel said crisply, handing them to Willow, who looked them over dubiously.  "They should be of some help, but Giles will need to decipher them, before we can get started."

"I can probably do them." she answered.  "We've been trying to keep his work load light."

Concern for his old friend floated into Angel's eyes.  "Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, that we can tell." Buffy said, sighing.  "He's just been acting.... weird."

"That's putting it mildly." Xander noted.

"He's been acting kind of... not Giles." Oz said, shrugging.  "None of us can get it out of him."

"I bet you guys anything he'll be just fine tonight." Doyle broke in, leaning against the doorway.  All eyes floated to him.

"Doyle, what are you talking about?"  Angel asked.

Doyle looked very pleased with himself.

"I told you there was something going on between the two of them." He remarked, preening. "But you wouldn't believe me. "

"Believe what?" Angel asked, exasperated.

"'Bout Giles and Cordelia."

The Scooby Gang's head swiveled to Angel, their faces one of shock.

"What about Giles and Cordelia?" Buffy asked immediately.

Angel sighed, rubbing at his face.  "He thinks that.... never mind.  You're dreaming, Doyle. there is no way that those two would hook up. Trust me, I've known the two of them for years. They couldn't stand each other."

Doyle's face slid into a smile. "Then why are they in the next room making out?"

"WHAT?!" The entire room responded, and then they followed Angel as they scrambled, tripping over each other to get the door.

Xander got to the entrance first. His jaw dropped.

Giles and Cordelia were in a passionate embrace, each one utterly lost in a very, very, hot, open mouth kiss. Cordelia appeared to be crying.

Buffy and the rest of the gang appeared at his side a scant second later.  Her eyes were as wide as saucers.

"Kay, did I miss something?" She whispered.

"Shhh." Xander said, clamping a hand over his girlfriends mouth.  But Giles and Cordelia never heard them, they were oblivious to anyone but themselves.

"Would you care to tell me what this all means?" He whispered hoarsely.

"It's just..." She bit her lip, her fingers tickling the hair at the nape of his nape distractedly as she talked. "Do you remember what you said in the note, about last dances, and stuff?"

He nodded. "Is this your last dance, Cordelia?" he asked, a small grin emanating from his face.

She shook her head. "No Giles, the dance hasn't even started yet. I don't want any other dances with any other guys. I've had enough of those." She grinned sheepishly. "You're a hell of dancer, Giles, you wanna be my partner?"

He grinned, sliding his arms tighter around her waist so she was almost crushed against his hard body.  "For how long, Cordelia?" He pressed.

She groaned, chuckling.  "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"Oh, yes." he responded, smiling widely. They had a small staring contest, and he won. "You've put me through quite enough turmoil, Ms. Chase, getting under my skin the way you did.  It's the least you could do."

She rolled her eyes, huffing.  "Oh, all right, fine."  She paused, taking a breath, then looking up at him.  "I love you." She whispered,  as if say those three words any louder would ruin their sacredness.  "I think I'm gonna for a long time."

He was still for a second, his face unreadable, but when his words came finally, they came out unsteady, "This is sounding very "forever", Cordelia."

She grinned, twitching her nose in the process. "Isn't it though?"

He grinned back, and was about to lower his head when she stopped him with a finger to his lips.  "Let's get one thing straight, old guy. I've got a hell of a lot of years ahead of me, and I expect you to be there for all of them, you hear me?"

He raised an eyebrow, and chuckled.  "Loud and clear. You'll be stuck with me, even when I'm a diaper wearing deaf bald man."

"Oh!" She looked horrified. "Don't go bald!"  He looked taken aback, and laughed out loud, before he covered her lips with his, and shut her up quite  soundly.

It was when Angel accidentally was shoved forward by Willow, who wasn't getting as good of a view, and consequently, shoved into Xander, who fell to the floor,  did the couple finally realize they weren't quite alone as they thought.

Giles raised his head, and the pair stared into each other's eyes, horror and surprise in both of them. Cordelia continued to stare, and a resigned expression seemed to fill hers, and shrugging, the pair turned to find everyone of their friends crowded in the doorway, Xander sprawled on the floor not five feet away. He was gaping at them with his mouth wide open.

The others had a similar expression plastered on their faces. Only Oz, who was unreadable as always, and Doyle, who was grinning and preening like a fool, looked any different.

Buffy and Angel were standing in the forefront, both of them had their arms crossed, each one had their eyebrow raised. Cordelia and Giles looked at each other and blushed, but Giles held his grip around her waist tightly.

"Can we help you?" Cordelia asked, sliding her hands down his chest as she leaned her head against it.

"I sure hope so." Buffy retorted, one eyebrow still very high on her forehead.  "Would you two like to share something?"

Their eyes met, and the corner of his eyes crinkled at the twinkle in hers.  "Not particularly, no." He responded. "Cordelia?"

"Umm.. nope. Nothing comes to mind." She finished sweetly.  He grinned.  "Do you guys mind?" She asked, annoyance visible in her face, cocking her head to the door.

Willow's jaw was ready to hit the floor.  "Umm. how long has this ... have you..."

"What's with the kissage?" Xander cut in, crossing his arms. "And am I the only one going 'EWWWW?!'"

Cordelia groaned, closing her eyes and sighing in good-natured frustration, and Giles chuckled, holding her close as she leaned her head on his chest again in surrender.  He smiled, his chin resting easily on top of her brown head.

"I do believe we owe them some sort of explanation." He whispered slowly. "You have to admit this is rather shocking."

"Damn straight." Buffy muttered.

"Fine." Cordelia said, raising her head.  "We'll give you one."  The group sighed with relief.  "Tomorrow." She finished.

"Tomorrow?!" Willow squeaked.

"Yes, tomorrow." She repeated firmly, stepping out of Giles' embrace, grabbing his hand, and pulling him to the doorway.  "Right now, I want to spend some quality time alone with the old guy. We'll be very, very busy, don't call."

"You'll get no complaints from me." He responded, allowing himself to be toted along.

The room was dead silent after the door slammed shut. Both the Mod Squad and the Scooby Gang had blank faces as they gazed stupidly at one another in the aftermath.

In the end, it was Oz that surmised what everyone was feeling about what they just witnessed.

"Huh?"