The Wild, Wild West
G/C
by Melissa Flores

Giles gets knocked on the head, AGAIN, and wakes up in quite a different place.

Dedicated - To Andrea and Nickle.  'Drea, you're in my prayers girl.

Disclaimer - okay, joss is a crackhead, but if he wasn't I never would have thought to pair Giles and Cordy together, so there. I admitted it.

Author's Notes - this is a sequel to "Strictly Ballroom." Gee, it's like. A series. Have fun with this, treat it like you would a crazy person, cause it's definately not like any of my normal ficcies. :-)

Winner - Best Comedy - Queen C Scribes fan fiction awards

All around him, he heard fighting. They were shouting, and he ducked from a particularly large demon, aware that he stood no chance against it. Squirming, he ducked, keeping an eye out for the rest of the group. Buffy and Xander were in the thick of it, Xander's fighting ability had increased considerably, and he fought alongside his girlfriend well. Wesley was on the outskirts, hidden behind a large crate,  a cross bow in his hands, trying desperately to pick the demons off one by one. Willow and Oz had doubleteamed one, finally downing him with a crack of a bat on the head. Giles sighed, mopping at his head, before turning his attention to the one that had cornered him. He grunted when the demon dove into him, only slightly hearing the cries of Buffy who had seen him go down.

He struggled, now sweating profusely as he punched at the demon, who growled, and bit him on the shoulder. Giles cried out in pain, knocking off his glasses, and his anger increased, he punched again, this time calling upon the strength of what Buffy liked to call the Ripper within. He punched, harder, sending the demon reeling back, and he scrambled up.

And then he heard the screams, and the whiz of something long and hard flew by his ear. He felt a pain loom up, and he fell back.

He was out before he even touched the floor.

He felt a blinding pain as a palm connected none to gently with his head.

"Wake up." The voice was insistent, and Giles was slightly groggy, he felt a slight bit of recognition, but nothing he could quite place.

"Wake up!" The voice repeated, and suddenly Giles's heart leaped. He knew that voice, he knew it, it was very familiar.

The pain came again, and groaning, Giles reached up quickly, catching the hand before it slapped him again.

His eyes opened, blinking, and then registered on the face leaning over his.  And his eyes widened.

"Cordelia?!!?"

Cordelia Chase stepped back, rubbing at her palm.  "Took you long enough to wake up. My hand hurts." she mumbled, shaking at her hand to rub out the sting.

Giles could only stare.  It was Cordelia, it had to be Cordelia, the voice, that luscious body that Giles now dreamed of, those beautiful eyes, it was Cordelia. The same Cordelia that he had been thinking about for three months, after he had seen her at the Ballroom Dance Championships, the same Cordelia he had danced with, kissed those perfect lips. It was his absent Cordelia.

In a saloon dress. She was bloody dressed in a long crimson skirt, and over her body, a tight corset that pushed her breasts up and left very little to the imagination. Her hair was swept up in an intricate twist, tiny whisps falling free.  Her face was flushed, her eyes sparkling as she studied him.

Oh, Lord. He tore his gaze away before he could embarrass himself. Maybe it was a costume party. Maybe the fashion had changed without him knowing it.

And the scenery. Apparently he was lying on a hard wooden floor. A few feet away, a metal cell. And it looked damn old. Where were Buffy and the others? What was the Cordelia doing HERE, of all places?

"What the?" He sat up, rubbing at his head, feeling it, but finding no bump. He began to pat himself to locate his glasses, and then he froze.  He was wearing boots. Cowboy boots. Black cowboy boots.  And tight black pants, and a vest.

He looked like a bloody Bonanza.

"Giles what are you doing?" Cordelia demanded, grabbing his hand and pulling him up.

"What the bloody-"

Cordelia lost patience and slapped him again. "Dammit, Giles, you're the damn sheriff, DO SOMETHING!"

He could only stare at her again. "I'm the what?!"

Cordelia rolled her eyes, huffing. "What is with you?"

He grabbed her shoulders, finally losing patience. "Cordelia! What is going on!"

She stared at him, her hazel eyes furious. "Dammit, Giles! Stop acting like this! You KNOW what's going on!  That bastard Angelus and his gang have kidnapped the Mayor's daughters AND robbed the bank! Not to mention they took my ONLY good piano player that they haven't killed!" She huffed, crossing her arms over her heaving bosom. "I came over here to tell you stop all this craziness and I found all unconsious. Again."  Her head cocked as she studied him. "How many times have you been knocked out, anyways? I swear Giles one of these days you're gonna wake up in a coma."

He could only stare at her blankly. "It's a dream." He breathed, chuckling to himself. "That's what this is, it's a bloody dream! I must be in some sort of hallucianic dream! I got knocked in the head and-"

"A dream?!" Cordelia stomped her foot, suddenly furious.  She grabbed him by the belt and pulled him to her. "Listen Rupert, I don't know what's gotten into you, but I want my money back AND Oz, and it ain't no dream that if you don't make good you won't be gettin' anywhere near my bed tonight!"

His jaw dropped. "When did you get a Southern accent?"

She groaned, and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the old wooden desk.  "Here!" she said, grabbing a six shooter and stuffing it into the holster on his hip.  "And here!" She grabbed a  black cowboy hat and slammed it on his head.

And suddenly Giles felt like an utter fool. This had to be a dream. He was dressed like a bloody cow hand.  But why did it feel so bloody real?

Good Lord, it must be something Hellmouth related. It had to be.

"Start acting like a Sheriff, Giles." she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the door. He blinked in the sun, and then his heart stopped.

He had plopped into the middle of a mid west mining town.  Groups of twos and threes formed around the office, whispering, faces filled with relief when they laid eyes on him.

"Sheriff!" A young deputy ran up to him. Giles' jaw dropped.

"Xander?!"

"Sir." He returned. His eyes rested on Cordelia, and he nodded his hat. "Ma'am."

Cordelia only rolled her eyes.

"They went that way, Sheriff Giles." Xander said quickly, pointing to the North exit of the town. "I think they've hold up in that big old ranch, you know the abandoned one? Spike has been mighty terrible in these parts, and I reckon him and Angelus have hooked up. One of them ladies mentioned seeing a blonde lookin' fella."

"Spike?" Cordelia breathed, her eyes flashing.  "That means , that no good whore Drusilla is with them, too." She crossed her arms, seething. "I've got a score to settle with that-"

"Sheriff! Oh, thank goodness!" And Giles felt his heart stop when he saw Wesley run up to him, his face filled with relief. "Miss Cordelia." He added as an afterthought.

"Mayor Price." She curtsied, and casting another worried look at Giles, suddenly scampered off. Giles could only watch her go, his heart fluttering with bewilderment when Xander pulled his attention back.

"They've got ma' girl, Sheriff." He said, enthuisastically. "And Willow, you know her and me's been friends fer as long as I kin remember."

Wesley nodded. "Buffy and Willow are precious to me."

Buffy and Willow were Wesley's daughters?! Something was going on. This wasn't just a dream, this was certainly something very, very, wrong.

And he finally knew what he had to do. Play along, because there was no telling when he would get out of whatever it was that he was in.

"Fine." he said crisply.  He searched his mind for anything that he could remember about the West, and the only thing that came to mind was a video of Tombstone that Buffy had once made him watch. He had to admit, it was rather good.   "Well, then." He said briskly, patting at his gun. "Let's go after them, shall we?"

Xander nodded, and Wesley looked relieved.  "They mean everything to me, Sheriff."

Giles resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Xander was standing ten feet away, next to two horses.

"Sheriff?" Giles shook himself,and nodded, grateful that at least he knew how to ride a horse. Aside from dancing, equestrian training was also required at his old boarding school.

He eyed his mount, who immediately nudged him affectionately. Giles smiled, and swung on, grabbing the reigns.

"Oh, no you don't. You are NOT leaving without me." Giles looked up , and his jaw dropped. Cordelia had dropped the crimson dress in favor of tan trousers and boots. There were guns slung over both of her hips, and her hair was now loose, flowing around her face, her shoulders bare as she wore a tank top and over that, a vest buttoned  tightly over her torso. The out fit hugged her body perfectly.  Good god, she looked beautiful.

Xander looked white. "Now,  Cordelia, you can't come with us, you know-"

"I know, that that Drusilla and I have a score to settle, that's what I know."  she retorted, leading a dapple gray mare and sliding on easily.

Xander looked strained now. "You're a woman!"

"And a better shot than you, or have you already forgotten, deputy loser." She snapped, fitting the tan cowboy hat over her head.

"You'll cause a scandal-"

Cordelia, losing her patience, whirled on Xander. "Xander, I run the Bronze, a saloon with beers, gambling and woman. I cause scandals everyday. One more won't hurt."

Xander shook his head and the two proceeded to fervently argue, Giles lost his patience.  "Stop it!" he snapped. They both whirled on him,  Xander with pleading eyes, and Cordelia with challenging ones.

He studied them both.  Xander leaned foward, and whispered, "Giles, I know that you and Miss Cordelia have a .... understanding, but -"

An understanding?!? What the - His eyes darted to Cordelia, and finally registered the familiar way her eyes glared at him, her head cocked, knowing exactly what Xander was saying, and not the slightest bit offended.

Good god, were Cordelia and he lovers?

No, no, bloody no. He couldn't deal with that right now. He was still barely coming to terms with the fact that he had a rather healthy attraction to the woman half his age, he didn't need thoughts of THOSE kind marching around in his head, especially she looked so damn sexy in that outfit.

"Let's go." He muttered, avoiding their eyes. "W'ell need all the help we can get." And with that he dug in his heels and the horse darted forward, leaving his two former students to catch up.

Surprisingly, Xander had been right, they had holed up at the ranch, and two of their henchmen had been guarding the entrance.

"Cordelia." He whispered feircely, and she looked at him, for the first time, her eyes filling with concern.

"What is it, Rupert?"

How he loved it when she called him by his first name, if sounded so... bloody wonderful.

"do you have any suggestions?"

"What?!"

"I'm not feeling myself today, and I really would appreciate-"

"Hell, just do what you always do, sneak up on em, and give them hell." She retorted.

Shouts emerged, and the two men at the gate began to point.

"So much for sneaking up." Xander mutttered, and Giles winced when he saw the two men unholster their weapons.

With two shots, the two henchmen were down, and Giles looked up in surprise. On each side of him, Xander and Cordelia had two smoking barrells.

"Good Lord."

But they said nothing, just steadily advanced, as he moved with them.

"Let's use the surprise that we have now." He breathed, and then he charged forward, directly to the house, only vaguely aware that Xander and Cordelia were with him.

He pushed his horse forward, and then, steadying himself, he did something he never thought he'd do. He crashed through the window, rolling, and landing on an injured heap on the floor.

And suffiencetly startled the two men who stared down at him. Angel and Spike had frozen, for only a second.

That was all Cordelia and Xander needed, they had their guns out and were in the cabin immediately.

"Brave." Cordelia muttered.  "Stupid, but brave."

He rose, thankful that he had broken no bones, and surveyed the scene. Buffy, Willow and Oz, all dressed in period clothes, were tied up together in the corner.  Buffy and Willow were crying.

Good Lord.

"We've got you now." Did he actually say that?!

"I think not." And a gun cocked behind them. Giles winced. Damn. He turned, staring at the woman who had sneaked up behind them.

"Hullo, handsome." And Drusilla smiled, her rifle pointed directly at his heart. Cordelia's face was tight with worry, and her and Xander immediately raised their hands.

"Thanks, Dru." Angel grinned, grabbing their guns. Spike kissed her cheek, taking a long draw of his cigarette.

They all stared at Rupert.

Rupert was absolutley still. Dream or not, he knew it was very, very important he stay alive. Obviously he was a sheriff here, and that meant that he was good. He just had to let this take over, whatever he was over here, he was sure it was in him, and they hadn't disarmed him, not yet.

And so he took  a breath, his hand at his side, everyone staring at him, not sure what he was going to do. Drusilla smiled, and poised to pull the trigger.

Cordelia's face was full of worry, as her eyes darted from the gun to him.

"Rupert." She breathed.

And so quick he didn't even know what was happening, he drew, and shot the gun out of Drusilla's hands.  She squealed, and Cordelia dove, taking the vampiress down with her.

Xander immediately grappled with Spike, and Giles kicked the guns out of Angel's hand. They struggled around the small room, Giles being careful not to hurt the demon, afraid that maybe this was for real, and then Buffy would never forgive him.

Xander was thrown off, and Giles finally had to make a choice.  And when Angel punched him in the jaw, he lost all patience for this game.

He had to admit the truth, he wanted to hit Angel, if he was given the opportunity, while the hell not make use of it?

And so he let Ripper out in full force, punching Angel full on in the face, and causing him to fall backwards.

Drusilla shrieked, pulling at Cordelia's hair.

"Ow, you BITCH!" Cordelia screamed, pulling away. "That HURT!"  And Cordelia grunted, her anger apparent as she swung the butt of the gun she had recovered, landing it with a crack in Drusilla's face.

The pale woman sank to the floor.

"Dru!" Spike roared,and Giles took the oppurtonity to kick him in the stomach, hard.

Cordelia swung her gun around, sighted Angel quickly. "Don't move." she breathed.

Angel stared at her, seething. "Lettin' your woman do your work, now, Sheriff?" He taunted. Giles didn't bite.  He only breathed, his eyes glinting, before he cocked his gun, pointing it at Angel's chest.

"She can bloody well handle herself, why not let her?" He drawled, and out of the corner of his eyes, he saw her face light up with a smile of surprise before she quickly stifled it.

"Let them go." Giles instructed, and Xander quickly ran to the trio that was tied up, undoing the ropes easily.

And Buffy cried, rushing into Xander's arms and covering his face with kisses.  "I thought I was goner." she drawled.

"Oh, honey, me too." he whispered, kissing her back. Cordelia rolled her eyes.

Giles could only lift an eyebrow, when Willow and Oz shyly exchanged happy smiles, their faces that of puppy love.  He turned, and saw Cordelia hadn't moved, her face was stone cold as she cocked both of her guns on the frozen vampires.

He smiled proudly, moving up behind her. "Are you sure you aren't a deputy?" He whispered in her ear.  She didn't look at him, but her lips softened ever so gently into a small smile.

"What do you want to do with them?" She said, loudly.

Giles shrugged, "What do I usually do?"

His odd behavior didn't phase her anymore, she just automatically answered, "Stick them in the jail, leave Xander to watch  them, and then," her lips twitched. "Get your reward."

His eyes widened. "There's a reward for these men?"

Her grin was wicked. "There is from me."

"From you... Oh." OHHH. Giles battled with his concsious, and then just gave it up. Hell, if this was a dream, then why the bloody hell not? Just go with it, English.
 

"What was wrong with you today?" Giles closed his eyes in a silent moan, feeling limp as Cordelia sat behind him on the bed, her hands kneading into his shoulders. The music of Oz's piano playing wafted in fro the open window, the giggling of the girls came from the hallways, and the smell of hay and Cordelia's rose water perfume filled his nostrils. They were in her room, above the saloon, she had now changed into a chiffon robe, her hair was loose and curling down her back in soft waves. But he couldn't notice, not right now, because of her wonderful back rub.

"It's a dream." He mumbled to himself. "It has to be a dream." She paused, sighing, and sliding off the bed, kneeling in front of him.

"You've been saying that all day. What's the matter with you, Rupert?"

He took her in, her pretty hazel eyes filled with concern, utterly unaware of his inner torment. He smiled softly when he inspected a small bruise that had formed on her face.

"Are you alright?" He breathed, pulling her closer, tenderly wiping the hair out of her face.  She looked at him, smiled, and then nodded.

"I'm fine. Dru did that, but I did much worse."

"Yes you did."  His heart was full as he looked at her.  He had dreamt about her repeatedly, wondering, waiting, trying not to care about the fact that he missed her so bloody much. He rarely saw her, but the times he  had, fireworks had exploded around and in him.

With just three kisses, she had worked her way into his heart, and it killed him, not knowing whether or not she felt the same way.

"I'm wondering." He said out loud.  "Whether or not you think of me, when you are with other men."  He meant in Los Angeles, he often lay awake, fearing that some gorgeous young stud had met her, taken her from him.

But this Cordelia stiffened, sighed in annoyance. "Rupert," She breathed, one hand settling on his. "We've gone over this, already.  I know you don't like what I do, but I can't get married, not right now. My girls wouldn't have any place to go, and I'm not gonna send them to some two bit gambling place that won't treat  'em right."

"Do you love me?" He asked quickly. Her face softened at the look of anxiousness in his eyes.

"No." She answered dryly. "I only lose tons of money on potential customers because I say no to everyone but you." She gave him a quick grin. "You know it's not fair to my girls." She whispered, sliding a finger down his chest. "That I don't work anymore."

"It's fair to me." He said, smiling, leaning foward. His lips rested on hers, and warmth filled him as she gently kissed him, her mouth moving in an easy familiar manner, her hands reaching up to stroke his check, before moving behind his neck, pulling him back on the bed with her.

He kissed her long and hard, his hands roaming over her body, and when he lifted his head, her eyes were misted over with desire, and his breath caught once more at how bloody beautiful she was.

He was overwhelmed with emotion. "I love you." He whispered, caressing a strand of hair off her forehead.

She smiled, her eyes grew moist and she breathed, "I knew that you'd say that, one of these days."  And then she pulled his head down again, catching his lips in a tender, loving kiss that quickly became more passionate.

"Oh, Lord, I've missed you." He breathed huskily, holding her body to him, kissing her deeply.  He became lost in the scent of her, the feel of her, and he reveled in her body.

Lord he wanted this never to end.

"GILES!" Pain exploded in his head, and he felt his body being shaken.

"Giles!"

His eyes flew open, and Buffy, Willow, Oz and Xander were gathered around him, their eyes wide.

"Are you okay?"

He rubbed at his head, still murky with feverish thoughts of Cordelia.  "What the -"

Buffy thumbed an annoyed hand to Wesley's direction. "He skinned you with a crossbow."

Giles turned his glare at Wesley who colored slightly, giving him a little wave. "So sorry old chap." He apologized.  "Got my elbow bumped."

"Giles, are you okay?" Willow asked bluntly.  "That demon  had hallucinagic blood, and you were out cold. Did you dream anything, was it bad?"

Demon's blood? That bloody beautiful fantasy came from demon's blood? What the bloody-

"Yes, yes I dreamed." He murmured, getting up and rubbing at his head.  It couldn't be true, that wasn't real? None of it? He had felt her body, kissed those sweet lips, heard her whispers of love in his ear, and it wasn't bloody real?

Bloody hell.  He hated his life.  "I should murder you." He snapped at Wesley, before walking away from the group.

Buffy saw him leave, her eyes a mask of confusion, before turning eyes on her boyfriend. "What's with him?"

Xander only shrugged, his lips twitching slightly.  "That must have been some dream."

Giles only half heard, as he rubbed at his head the images still hazy in his mind. Indeed it was. He agreed mentally, indeed it was.  And it had served a very dire purpose. It had made him realize that somehow, he had fallen in love with Cordelia Chase.  He closed his eyes and pictured her in her those trousers, her hair floating softly in the hot wind as she sat straight and tall on her mount.

He felt his breath catch.  He was completley wrong for her, they had nothing in common, she had driven him crazy most of the time they had known each other, and he was utterly infatuated with her.

And then he half smiled, as he thought of the memory of her lips on his. That response he hadn't imagined. And he would get it from her again, and this time, it would be for real. It would happen, one of these days.

And then he would decide whether or not cowboy hats would be recommended attire.