Teaser: Kate doesn't want to be Eve.
Genre: Lost
Characters: Kate and her knights on the beach; Jack, Sayid, and Sawyer
Rating: PG
Note: Perhaps I can come up with something slightly more shippy soon. But unfortunately, I am a slave to canon, and as a result, must wait until the next two episodes before I begin to ponder. And ponder I shall.

--

Kate is beautiful, and the problem always has been, she knows it.

It's a different kind of beautiful, classic, is what she remembers hearing. The quintessential classic brunette, with alabaster skin and dark, deep eyes. An effortless beauty - one like Hedy Lamar or Ava Gardner, and with her beauty there was always power and expectation.

Kate isn't silly enough to believe that she doesn't want to be beautiful, because it certainly does make things easier. But sometimes it just makes things harder, because she's on a deserted island, and around her there's nothing but beauty, and inside, Kate has always been ugly.

It's a problem, because Kate has never been as beautiful as she looked. She looks like a dream, one of those forties actresses come to life, with chiseled arms and high cheekbones and lips that somehow always seem to tint themselves their own version of blush red. There's no really visible flaws, except maybe a too wide mouth that Julia Roberts just made chic, and when people look at her, she knows they what they expect to see. What they want to see.

Maybe that was the reason she did what she did, why everything inside her soured, and she went from being the perfect girl next door to the woman on the million wanted posters, because Kate never really wanted to be what any one expected anyway, she just wanted to be herself.

Now, she keeps a badge in her pocket, and she likes the small scabs on her cheek, imperfections that are visible and oddly, nicely placed.

Kate's tried to be a hero, because she's pretty sure she's dangerously close to something that can be normal and sweet and she hasn't had that in a long time.

But it's clear that Jack wants her to be Eve to his Adam, and she knew from that moment that to him, she's only what she appears to be. What he wants her to be.

She can be different things to different people, she supposes. She can be Claire's Gemini, even if she isn't, because Claire looks lonely and honestly Kate can't be bothered to make her feel better at the moment. And she can be Sayid's partner and sheriff, because Sayid looks at her and likes her, but not because she's pretty. She's sneakily suspicious that the thought hasn't even crossed his mind. She can even let Sawyer think she is what ever he wants her to be, though she's pretty sure it involves something out of porno, because at least he's honest about it.

But she's not ready to be Eve.

Jack and the caves isn't about hope. And it's not about her claustrophobia. It's about looking and seeing, and she finally gets that Jack wasn't checking her out. He had already seen what there was to see, and he was happy with what there was. With all there was.

A pretty Gidget to his Moondoggy - to settle in their caves and lead their tribe and live happily ever after like a king and his queen.

"I don't want to be Eve."

She knew there was more to Jack than that. There was tatoos and a shaved head, and tired, exhausted eyes.

"What did you do?" He asks her, lost and confused and almost judgmental, and she tells him honestly he had his chance to know what else there was beyond what he wanted to see.

And he still doesn’t get it, because he wants to know what made her 'this way', like she was something else, or different, or not what he wanted her to be.

She digs her feet in the sand and looks at the crashing waves of the ocean, and when he finally gets she's not following him anywhere he leaves her alone, telling her that she knows where he is if she needs him.

She watches the ocean, and thinks about Eve and about Ava Gardner.

"You know where to find me too."

She doesn't want to be Eve. Sayid is quiet and stoic beside her, and the camp of stragglers who are still clinging to something sit around the fire with look of haunted fear, because they've lost their leader, and they're stuck with each other.

Sawyer catches her eyes, and smiles, and she smiles back, shifting closer to Sayid and feeling his touch in response, a gentle squeeze on her arm before he lets go.

Sawyer's wrong about Sayid. He wasn't fighting over her, and when Sayid looks relieved to still find her on the sand, she's sure it's not because he's afraid he's lost her to a fantasy of Adam and Eve.

Sawyer doesn't see Eve, and neither does Sayid. Both aren't sure what they're seeing just yet, and Kate's just fine with that.

Kate has always been beautiful, and the problem is, she knows it.

Maybe that was the reason she did what she did, why everything inside her soured, and she went from being the perfect girl next door, to the woman on the million wanted posters, to the woman sitting on the beach, because Kate never really wanted to be what anyone expected anyway. She just wanted to be herself.

With a badge in her pocket and a scab on her cheek, she wonders if finally, she can figure out who that is.

FIN