A new Voyager Story by Melissa Flores
How do I
get through a night without you?
If I had to live without you
what kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold
your my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I live without you
if you ever go
How do I ever survive ?
How do I , oh How do I,
Oh how do I live
Without you
There'd be no sun in my sky
There'd be no love in my mind
There'd be no life left for me
Oh, I
Baby I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
if you ever leave Baby you would take away everything
good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
Commander Chakotay felt heavy footed as he walked slowly to his destination. Who would have ever thought? he sighed. He had been so eager, so full of energy. So brilliant. It shouldn't have happened to him. Not Harry Kim. For a second the morbid thought lodged itself in his brain, the thought of if he had to choose, who would it be? He laughed it off grimly, feeling the pain more vibrantly than before.
The death of Lt. Kim had left the whole ship in a great sadness. Somehow, Harry had become the heart of the ship. His eager vibrancy personified the whole crew's hope that someday, despite all they had suffered, all they had gone through, they would get home. His hope had never faltered, and as long as Harry believed it, so did everyone else. But now Harry had died, and with him, it seemed the morale of the crew had also. Chakotay felt it.
Of course, others had died, and they had mourned them just as keenly, but Harry was different. Besides Neelix, he was the first of the senior officers to die. He was one of the stoic leaders that had risked everything for the crew. Chakotay suddenly realized how human everyone was, even the senior officers.
His feet faltered when he realized he was coming closer to the quarters. He drifted to a stop, and stopped for a second to read the plates that still hadn't been changed. "Lt. Harry Kim and Lt. B'Elanna Torres-Kim." With a heavy heart, he rang the chime.
"Come." a voice said after a second, and the tall Indian stepped into the quarters.
"B'Elanna?" he called out hesitantly.
"I'm in here." she said, and Chakotay followed the voice into the bedroom. She was standing, her arms crossed tightly against her body. Her eyes were red and blood shot. She had been crying. "Is it time?"
"Are you alright?" he asked gently.
"Fine." she said bluntly, walking into the bathroom. Chakotay watched as she washed the tears from her face.
"B'Elanna..." he began. "You don't have to do this." Torres stared at the sink, leaning her arms on the side, breathing slowly, until she realized her hands were shaking. With a burst of energy she tore away from the sink, and walked back into the bedroom.
"Where's that damn pip?" she muttered, choosing to ignore his comment. With a frustrated jerk, the brown haired woman began to search the room, until she found what she was looking for. She cradled the tiny piece of metal in her hand, and slowly began to try to put it on. After a few seconds, she found that the feat was impossible. Either the room moved, or her hands couldn't stop shaking.
"Help me put this on, okay?" she asked the Indian watching her, handing him her pip . " I ... can't.". Chakotay took it after a moment, and then fixed it on securely.
"Okay.." she said tightly, adjusting her formal uniform, "I'm all set."
Chakotay looked at her silently. B'Elanna kept her eyes from meeting his, until she realized he wasn't going to let her go.
"I know what your going to say." she began unsteadily.
"What's that?" he asked her, sitting down next to her on the bed.
"I don't have to do this."
"You're right. B'Elanna, Kim was your husband, you-"
"Yes I do." she said quickly.
"What?" she turned to stare at him, her eyes for once not wavering from him.
"Harry shouldn't have died, Chakotay. Not like that." she burst. "In a damned transporter accident! If I had been there, if he had listened to me when-"
"B'Elanna, there is nothing we can do-"Chakotay began gently.
"Dammit, Chakotay! You don't get it, do you?" she began fiercely, jumping up.
"I love him! He was my life!" Chakotay rose unsteadily as the tears began to brim in her eyes. He watched silently as his friend who was usually so strong, so wonderfully tough, began to crumble right before his eyes. Before she could say another word, he pulled her to him, closing his arms around her in a tight hug. B'Elanna clung to him, suddenly sobbing heavily. The commander held her tight, waiting for her to let out all her pain, all her anguish.
After a while, her sobs began to subside, and in a burst of embarrassment, apologized for her outburst.
"I would of thought less of you if you hadn't done that." Chakotay answered softly. "You okay?" he asked when she had calmed down. B'Elanna's reaction was mixed, something between a sob and a laugh.
"No, but I guess I'll survive." she replied, raising her head to meet him unsteadily. "Barely." The Commander watched the pain run vividly across her face and suddenly realized just how much the half Klingon was hurting.
"I'm so sorry." he whispered, suddenly feeling tears brimming. She smiled grimly.
"I know you are. Everyone's sorry. It's not going to bring him back."
Chakotay sighed. "You're right, it's not." B'Elanna disengaged herself, and readjusted her uniform.
"Come on, we're going to be late." she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"What about Annika?" he asked, noticing for the first time that the child was not in her quarters.
"She ran off about an hour ago." B'Elanna replied. "She'll be alright. I'm guessing she wanted to be by herself. I think she knew I needed to be by myself. " she smiled through her tears. "She always had Harry's... his way of just knowing when I needed to be alone. She'll meet us there."
Chakotay walked with B'Elanna out the door. "How is she taking it?"
"Slightly better than I am, I guess."
Annika Kim tried to make herself believe that her father was really dead. The four year old child had never dreamt in her short existence of losing her father. Some how, even when Uncle Neelix had died, she had held on to the shred of hope that whoever ran things wouldn't allow it to happen to her father. And yet it had happened. Annika couldn't understand why. But it was coming. The seven days since he had died were normal, except for those little times when she would suddenly be reminded of it, like yesterday, when she thought to go visit the atrium, but she couldn't because her father was DEAD.
And now we have a big, dumb funeral for him. She thought miserably. Like that is really going to do anything for my Daddy.. Quietly the child with the lightly browned skin and the choclately almond eyes sniffled a tear away. A funeral was really for the loved ones. It gave them closure.. But maybe that was why she hated it. Annika didn't want closure.
She walked toward the conference room, mentally preparing herself for the onslaught of crew members who would jump on her when she entered the room, attempting to comfort the "poor baby." The part Klingon inside of her really just wanted to run out and kill something. Instead she would have to smile sadly, and keep quiet. She would have to be a Good Girl. Because her father was dead.
"Annika." Annika stopped as she heard someone call her name, and she turned to see Seven of Nine walking toward her. The woman for whom she had been named was still astonishingly beautiful, the Borg implants still on her after all these years.
"I assume you are going to the memorial?" Seven asked her when she came up to her.
Annika nodded. Yeah, Seven, I'm going to a funeral. she thought silently.
Because my father is dead.
"I will accompany you." Seven said, walking closely with her . She placed a comforting arm on Annika's shoulder and if it had been anyone else besides her mother, Annika would have shrugged it off. But Seven was different. Seven understood her. Why shouldn't she? Seven was like an aunt to Annika. Once Annika asked her if she could call her Aunt, like she called the captain and Wildman, her teacher, but Seven shook her head.
"Names are irrelevant," she said. " I am no more your aunt than I am your mother, and our relationship is neither. I care for you, and you for me, and we have respect no titles are needed to sustain that." Annika had just turned four at the time, and never understood that, until now. Now, she understood.
Because her Daddy was dead.
They walked in silence , and as they neared the conference room door, Seven gave her shoulder a light squeeze of support. With a deep breath, little Annika, with the small ridges that barely kissed her forehead, entered the room. Almost immedialty she was taken into a deep hug. The hugger was Chakotay. Then Captain Janeway gave her a kiss on the cheek, before she was passed off to Uncle Tom, who caught her in a hold that sent poor Annika gasping for breath. By the time Annika was finally rescued by her mother, she was dazed.
"Hello, Annika." her mother said with a hint of a smile on her still perfectly formed lips. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. " she whispered. "Come on, lets go to the front. It's going to start." The child was led by her mother to the front of the room, where she was placed on her mothers lap. Annika gazed around the room.
"There's so many people, Mommy." Annika whispered.
"Yes. " Her mother agreed. "Daddy had a lot of friends, honey. " It was something in her voice that made Annika turn to gaze at her mother closely for the first time. Her grief, shown clearly in her face, set lines in her mouth, and there were hollows underneath her eyes. Her mother's subtle beauty was enhanced by the glistening of tears that made her eyes shine, but Annika, the child who was known by all to prefer playing with old machinery than Naomi's toys, suddenly felt like shrieking. Her Mommy, her beautiful mommy who had never shed a tear for anything, had cried. Her Mommy had cried ....
Because her Daddy had died.
Her Daddy, her big, strong, loving Daddy who would come home with a twinkle in his eye and would scoop her up and kiss her hello.... her daddy was dead.
Tears welled up in little Annika's eyes, and the memorial service began.
***********************
The bed felt so cold. B'Elanna had already tried raising the room temperature and adding an extra blanket, but it still felt so cold. So cold, and so big and so empty. Like her heart. Suddenly a face flooded her memory. A wonderful face, with a fantastic smile, and beautiful brown eyes that just shined when they looked at her... B'Elanna could feel the emotion welling up inside of her and in an effort to keep the tears away, she tossed off the covers and swung her feet off the bed. It was foolish of her to even attempt to sleep. She knew that for a very long time, sleep would be impossible. The doctor had told her that he could prescribe a sedative, but the thought of that horrified her. The memories that continued to haunt her caused her sometimes unbearable pain, she conceded. But they were all she had of him. Her memories, and Annika, the little child that was conceived in love five years ago. A love that had never stopped burning. Slowly, B'Elanna could feel one small tear drop trickle down her cheek. Her child was confused, she was hurt. B'Elanna didn't know how to comfort her. Afterall, she could barely comfort herself.
Harry was gone. Her lover, her friend, her life. And the thought lingered that he would never return. An anchor weighed itself deeply in B'Elanna's soul and for one fleeting moment she realized that if it wasn't for her daughter, now the only thing of importance to her, she would not have even had the gumption to go on living. The urge to see her daughter rose inside of her, and she walked softly to the other side of the living quarters, to her daughter's room. At the doorway she stopped, and looked in on the light of her life. The child was huddled away from her, and every so often her little body would jerk. Stifled sobs wafted their way to their mother.
"Annika?" she called softly. The child stiffened, and then turned over softly to face her mother, her cheeks streaked with tears.
"Mommy?" And the little girl held out her arms. B'Elanna Torres went to them immediately gathering the child tightly in her arms, and letting her cling to her tightly.
"Shh." B'Elanna comforted, rocking the child back and forth.
"I'm sorry, Mommy." the little girl whispered. "I know I shouldn't cry-"
"No, darling!" B'Elanna pulled her in tighter. "No, honey, you go ahead and cry all you want. It's alright to cry now."
Annika whimpered softly, letting her mother's comforting presence soothe her tears away.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Mommy, he's not coming back, is he? Daddy's not coming back." Torres stared silently at her daughter, who watched her almost desperately.
"No, honey, he's not. But you know what?" she whispered, wiping the tears from Annika's eyes. "Your Daddy might not be able to come back, but he'll always be with you. From somewhere, he's watching us, making sure we're okay."
"But I don't want him far away! I want him with us!"
"Oh, honey, I do too. I do too." Torres gathered the girl to her. "But he can't. Remember what Chakotay said about spirits?" The girl nodded tearfully.
"That's what your daddy is, honey." The girl stared silently.
"I love him,. " Her mother swallowed carefully.
"We all do."
"What are we going to do now?" the girl asked. B'Elanna sighed.
"We have to go on, honey. Your daddy wouldn't want us to cry all the time. He'd want us to be happy, like we were with him." The girl looked at her mother, and B'Elanna could see the wheels churning in her brain. Suddenly her eyes lit up, and she looked up with those wide eyes that she had inherited from her father.
"But if he's watching us, he is still with us, isn't he Mommy? Daddy's like my guardian angel. Like Aunt Samantha says about Neelix. Did you know Uncle Neelix is Naomi's guardian angel?"
B'Elanna reflected for a moment. Her and Harry had had countless arguments about telling their daughter stories that they knew were not true. B'Elanna didn't want her daughter lied to about fairy tale stories, only to find out they weren't true. She hadn't been raised that way. But this once, just this once, she would let Harry win.
"That's right honey. He's your guardian angel." The girl smiled, and gathered herself closer to B'Elanna. Torres closed her eyes as the memory of her dead husband consumed her. *I just wish I could believe it. *
****************
SIX MONTHS LATER
"Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Annika!
Happy Birthday to you!"
The crowd burst into cheers and noise filled the air as the little girl with the shining black eyes looked with excitement at the huge blue cake that had been made just for her.
"Make a wish, Annika!" her mother urged, just before Annika was about to blow out the five candles that lit the cake. The little girl thought for a minute, and then blew the candles out.
"Alright!" Tom Paris said, swinging the child up and into his arms. "You blew them all out!" The child smiled proudly.
"I got a lot of hot air inside of me, that's what Mom says all the time." B'Elanna turned crimson when she heard that remark, and Captain Janeway smirked before moving in to help B'Elanna cut the cake. It was a huge Jabala Fudge Cake, made in honor of Neelix's memory by Samantha Wildman.
"Well, you know what they say, " Tom said to the little girl, his blue eyes twinkling. "Like Mother, like daughter." Before Torres could respond, he walked away to the corner of Sandrines and sat the child on his lap.
"So, what'd you wish for?" he asked her conspiratively. She squinted at him.
"Mom says that if you tell, it won't come true." Tom frowned.
"Hmm.. That's true, but maybe you can tell yourself and I just happened to hear it." he said. Annika thought for a minute, and then smiled, and nodded.
"I wished that my Dad would come back." she whispered in his ear. Tom froze, and then smiled grimly.
"Well, I'm glad." he said finally, before hugging the child.
Captain Janeway smiled at the sight across the room. "Tom has really taken to Annika, hasn't he?" B'Elanna looked over and smiled.
"Yes.. it's almost as he feels as if it's his duty to look after her, since... since Harry's not around any more." she said, with a touch of feeling in her voice.
Janeway turned around to look at her chief engineer searchingly. "How are you doing, B'Elanna?" she asked, her tone now visibly softer. Torres sighed, but managed to smile.
"I'm living, captain. You know I've never been one to express my feelings or to even face them, but I'm trying. Having friends around helps. And work... working has helped me a lot."
Janeway nodded. "Well, in that case, I promise to over work you."
B'Elanna burst out laughing. "Well, thank you captain. I 'll look forward to it." Suddenly her voice cut short, and she shivered.
"B'Elanna?" Janeway asked, concern in her voice. "Is anything wrong?" B'Elanna stared blankly for a minute, and shook her head, attempting to reorient herself.
"No... I'm fine. I just .. I felt like someone was watching me, that's all."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, captain, I'm fine." B'Elanna's eyebrows furrowed, but she thought nothing more of the weird sense of comfort and anxiety that had enveloped her for half a second.
*****************
Later, she sat in her quarters quietly, drinking her coffee slowly, meditating on the events of the day, trying to mentally prepare herself for bed. When her lack of sleep became a problem, she had finally broken down and gone to Tuvok. The stoic security officer taught her a series of breathing exercises that helped her relax, and enabled her to fall asleep. Torres now used them regularly, but not just for sleeping. It had become part of her daily campaign against the grief that still hit her all the time. Losing someone close to her was a completely new experience, a terrible one. B'Elanna had lost the only person that she had ever let down her guard completely with. And she hadn't given it up easily. Even though it took exactly one month, for her to finally realize that she had fallen in love with Ensign Kim, it had taken half a year for her to admit it to him. But not Harry. Harry told her he loved her on their third "official" date. She remembered how he had said it to her. It was completely out of the blue. In a playful bout, she had grabbed his communicator from him and refused to give it back. After wasting minutes pleading with her, he finally resorted to force, wrestling her to the ground in the fight for the piece of metal. They tumbled for a quite a bit, Torres was enjoying herself thoroughly, because she had the upper hand. Suddenly Harry stopped fighting. With a burst of newfound energy that even Torres could not resist, he cradled her face with his palms and descended his lips down to hers. His kiss was harsh and passionate, and it left Torres completely out of breath. Suddenly he lifted his head and looked at her with a stare that completely unnerved her. "I love you." he whispered raggedly. Torres remembered his face confirmed it. His eyes were glowing with passion, and yes, there it was... love, a love that was so full of ardor and sincerity that for a moment she was afraid of it. But only for a moment. The rest of B'Elanna's time was taken returning the kisses that Harry began to give to her so sweetly. Needless to say, the communicator was forgotten.
B'Elanna shook herself when she realized her coffee had spilled on her lap. She had a hunch that those breathing exercises would not work tonight. The sound coming from Annika's room caught her attention, and she rose to investigate.
It was in the form of Tom Paris. Annika had begun of late insisting that he put her to sleep, and it seemed that Tom was only too happy to do it. Now he was telling her a story, and with a smile, B'Elanna could see Annika's eyelid's drooping.
Tom looked up at her entrance, and smiled. "Okay, Annika. Time to go to bed." the little girl was too tired at the day's events to even consider protesting. Instead she nodded. B'Elanna came forward and kissed her forehead.
"Goodnight, Annika. Happy Birthday."
"G-night." she mumbled. B'Elanna smiled, and followed Tom out of the room. They stayed in conspirative silence until the door closed, and then when it did, they both sighed.
"Boy," Tom said with a smile as he lowered himself on the couch. "She was jumpy to night."
"Birthdays do that to her. I remember on Harry's.." B'Elanna's voice trailed off as suddenly as it started. Tom's smile froze, and he quickly got up.
"B'Elanna... Do you want me to leave?" he asked quickly, wondering if B'Elanna perhaps wanted to deal with her grief alone. She had frozen, but after a moment she tossed her head up, crossed her arms and smiled grimly.
"I wish you wouldn't." Tom noticed that although tears hadn't formed, her eyes were bright and glistening, nowhere near dry. He stayed immobile, contemplating the grief that so often hit the woman that he most cared about. This pain that she was going through... he could only barely understand it. The death of Harry had hit him hard. He was the only person who had given him a chance with no questions asked. He was young, earnest, brave, strong. He was noble. He had a beautiful little girl that lit up everywhere she went. But most of all, he had B'Elanna. More than that, he had a B'Elanna that loved him completely. He was the last person that should have died. In fact, Paris often thought to himself that it should have been him. Tom had no strings to leave behind. His background was sketchy, and less that honorable. And the only woman he had ever loved was married to his best friend. No children. Just Tom. It should have been him.
That was six months ago. When Harry had died, Tom had decided to do all that was possible to make things easier for B'Elanna. For Harry. Harry would have wanted it that way. He found himself offering a shoulder to cry on, something he rarely did, as he didn't really feel comfortable with that. He began to take Annika around with him. Soon, it became his routine. To be with Annika, to be with B'Elanna. And Tom realized something. It wasn't for Harry at all. Maybe partly for him, but not really. It was for himself. He found that he wanted this. He wanted to be a father to Annika. He wanted to be a companion for B'Elanna. No it was more than that. He wanted to be a husband to B'Elanna, and all the things that went with it. He wanted to be her best friend, he wanted to be her comforter... he wanted to be her lover. He wanted the woman who he had never really stopped loving to tell him once again that she loved him too. For the first time in his life, Tom wanted a family. He wanted Harry's family.
The guilt had been impressive. To know that he wanted everything that was once his best friend's made him think more than once that he was sick. But Tom couldn't help it. Harry was dead, and he wouldn't come back. The woman he loved was free. But she still suffered. She still loved Harry. And Tom, no matter how much he wanted her to love him, was not going to degrade his best friend's memory by taking advantage of his wife's vulnerability. He was willing to wait. To get her through her grief. Then, when she was alright... then he would try. But not before.
With a gentle face, he whispered, "Do you want to talk about it?" B'Elanna hesitated, but finally nodded.
"I think I would. Do you want some coffee?" she asked him. He nodded. Grabbing two cups with her hands, she motioned him to sit down on the couch. After lowering herself down next to him, she handed him a cup.
"Well, where do you want to start?" he asked her. B'Elanna shrugged.
"I was thinking... about Harry. About the time when he.." Torres began to struggle with her words. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she continued. "About the time when he... when he told me that he loved me." Her shoulders began to shake, and Tom, in an effort to sustain her, closed his hand around hers. She grabbed it instincitvly, and held on to it. "Dammit,Tom. When is it going to stop? Everytime I think that I can go on, I can get over the pain, I remember and then I feel happy.. And then I realize he's gone,and I just can't control myself. Why did he have to leave me?"
Silently, Tom pulled her to him, and B'Elanna clung to him desperatly.
"Shh. " he whispered in her ear. "It's okay." When her sobs had subsided, he raised head, stroking her hair every so often. "Maybe it's good to remember. Harry was a great guy. "
"He was stubborn, spoiled and boyish." retorted B'Elanna in a half hearted chuckle. "And I loved him for it." She wiped her tears away with her hand, and then looked at Tom. "You've always been here for me,Tom. I've cried so many buckets on you we could fill an ocean." At this, Tom chuckled. "Thanks. You don't know how much it's meant to me."
Tom swallowed at her heartfelt thanks. Reaching over to grab her hand, he leaned in and said earnestly. "B'Elanna, there's no place I'd rather be than here."
The conviction in his voice scared B'Elanna. It held promise of something more. And B'Elanna didn't know if she was ready for that. Not yet. But deep down...in the midst of her loneliness, it was comforting. And maybe that was what prompted her to say what she said to him even as images of Harry filled her thoughts.
"Thanks. that means alot to me."
*****************
B'Elanna always said that Annika had the attention span of a newt. It took something pretty big to keep the child's attention for for than a minute. Losing Harry was a big thing. Annika still missed her father. And for once, Torres found herself looking for something to distract her daughter. She found it in the atrium. In the atrium, with the plants and vines growing, creating an almost jungle, Annika would lose herself, wandering in and out around the plants. She had made it her personal job to make sure no weeds snuck themselves amongst the precious plants, and hours were spent each day inspecting the green leaves and bright flowers for any thing out of the ordinary. How anything out of the ordinary could happen in a room where no particle came in unnoticed, and the temperature was controlled regualarly was beyond B'Elanna's comprehension, but she was not about to let Annika in on that. So Annika spent most of her days in the atrium searching for anything , but to no avail. Because, as B'Elanna had pointed out, nothing interesting happened in the atrium. As it turned out, B'Elanna was wrong. Something very interesting happened in the atrium. Something so interesting, as a matter of fact, that in a matter of weeks, it would completely halt all activity on board Voyager.
But of course there was no way little Annika could know that. And when it started happening a week after her birthday, she was doing her usual routine, checking the plants for parasites and weeds. She was humming to herself quite happily, when all of a sudden, without warning, someone called her name very softly. At first she thought it was her commbadge, but after tapping it proudly (she felt very grownup when she tapped her badge), nothing happened. So little Annika went back to her work. Until someone called her again. Certain it was not the commbadge now, as she had proved, she instead looked up and down her aisle. The voice continued to call, and it never occured to Annika to feel scared, because the voice sounded very familiar to her. In fact, she had often heard it in her dreams. She began to inspect the atrium not really expecting to find anything, but only because her little scientific mind would not leave her alone. She walked down the last aisle calmly, and then when her eyes rested on the end of it, she stopped and let out a shriek.
Standing at the end of the aisle, looking down at a tricorder intently, was her father.
Harry Kim was so intent on his tricorder that when he heard her shriek he almost dropped his only life line. Fumbling with his tricorder helplessly, his head jerked up and his eyes rested on Annika, to find that she was staring very intently at him.
"Annika?" he repeated, and he saw her start. His heart leaped joyously. "You can see me?" Annika shrieked again, and stood frozen in place. His heart froze. He had had no idea how his daughter would react if he had ever accomplished the impossible, getting her to see and hear him. Now that he had, he was still in a mystery. His daughter looked almost in shock. And in fear. Still clutching his tricorder, he began to walk toward her slowly. At this action, she finally awoke from her gaze.
"Dad?" she whispered. "Daddy?" she asked again, tears forming in her eyes. Harry gulped and nodded. She swallowed her tears as her face lit up. "Dad!" she cried before running to her father.
"Wait!" she stopped suddenly as her father cried out, holding out his hand in front of her before she was able to grab him.
"Honey, you can't touch me, okay?" he said gently when he saw her wondering face.
"Why?" she asked. "Why can't I touch you?" He swallowed as he fought against the urge to take his daughter and press her to him.
"Cause I'm not really real right now, hon." he whispered. "Not really. You can't touch me cause you won't feel anything."
"But I can see you! Dad, I can see you!"
"And I 'm very glad. It's taken me six months to figure out how to make that happen." he said with a smile.
Her face froze, and she looked at him with wonderment. "Dad, they said you were dead."
Harry stopped smiling. "Well, honey I thought I was dead too. Believe it or not, your skeptical Dad actually thought he was a ghost for a while."
Annika smiled . "Mommy will be so happy your here, Dad! We've missed you so much! We have to go tell her!"
"Annika, no!" But it was no use. The little girl spun right around and charged out of atrium. Harry sighed and stared at his timer. Ten minutes. In ten minutes he would disapear again and not even Annika could see him until he had recharged the energy in his tricorder for another week. By the time Annika had dragged B'Elanna back here.. he would be gone again. Not that B'Elanna would be able to see him. Only Annika could do that. It had taken him six months to figure that out. Well, five, actually, the first month in his pitiful existence as a what ever the heck he was taken up trying to figure out what the hell had happened to him.
It should have been a routine transport. All he had to do was gather these strange minerals emmitting energy that they had found on the planet and then beam up. They were strange alright, he remembered B'Elanna had warned him over the comm against beaming up with something they didn't know too much about, citing Tuvix as an example. She thought he should have taken a shuttle. Harry had shrugged it off. Then they would have flown a shuttle down, and that would be too much trouble. He ordered the transport and the next thing he knew there was a flash of light that blinded him and knocked him unconscious. When he woke up on the Voyager transporter padd, there was the transporter chief and Captain Janeway looking down at him, but.. .they weren't looking at him, it was as if they were seeing through him. He got up, trying to reassure them that he was okay but he just stepped right through them. Panic had rushed through him as he realized that he couldn't touch anything, and as he saw the looks on the two officer's faces.
In a few hours, they had pronounced Harry Kim dead. B'Elanna hadn't believed it. She had gotten the news first, when she had rushed into the transporter room when Harry hadn't responded to her hails and found his body was gone. He had simply disapeared, along with everything, the minerals and his tricorder . Harry's heart crushed and he longed to wrap his arms around her, when he saw her face as she viewed the empty transporter padd. Surprise, anger, but mostly anguish. Unfiltered, and pure, it ran rampant on her face, through her eyes as she tried to come up with anything to bring him back. Janeway had finally stopped her ravings by restraining her physically. Harry had been incinerated, was her hypothesis. B'Elanna had to deal with it. Deal with it, she did. B'Elanna broke the jaw of the transporter cheif. The after math was incredible.
Harry Kim saw it all in his state, but no one could see him. He could pass through any walls, the only thing he could physically touch was his tricorder. He saw his funeral, he saw Seven named the next Opps Officer. Finally she wore a Starfleet uniform and gotten out of that outfit she insisted on wearing that had distracted him so much until he had really fallen in love with B'Elanna. He saw his wife and his daughter try to get on with their lives, holding on to each other for comfort. It drove Harry crazy. He wasnt' dead! He wasn't! The thought that he might be a ghost dawned on him, but not for long. There had to be some explanation for this pathetic excuse for an existence that he had to live. And he was going to find it. He was going to do something, instead of watch the woman he loved and his child live their lives and watch Tom try to take his place. He was going to find a way to get back to them.
After four months he had it. He knew what he was, sort of. The strange materials that had caused him to "disapear" had actually become part of him, changing his body and every thing around him to another plane of existence. He was like the air around him. He was there, but no one could see him... unless, they had a part of him, some sort of unique wavelength that let them see like he did. Annika.
"Annika!" Kim jumped as he heard B'Elanna's voice. Rising, he looked at his tricorder. Damn. Time was up, the tricorder blinked as the energy drained away. He was invisible to Annika again.
"Annika!" B'Elanna repeated her daughter's name with frusteration. Her daughter didn't listen, but pulled her into the halls of the atrium with a strength only a child of Klingon descent would have. The child stopped suddenly, pointed, and then frowning unsteadily.
"What's wrong, Annika?" B'Elanna asked, a hint of irritation in her voice. Being pulled out of engineering by a stubborn child was rough enough, but when the child claimed to see her dead husband, that was painful.
Annika stared at the wall . "He was right there." she whispered. "He was, he called my name."
"Who did, honey?" B'Elanna asked, her voice now visibly softened. The confusion in Annika's voice was enough to make B'Elanna think she was sincere, or at least thought she was, and that sapped the anger right out of her.
"Dad. He was right there." B'Elanna looked at the direction she was pointed at. There was nothing. B'Elanna sighed. She had thought Annika had dealt with her grief quite well. Obviously she had been wrong. She kneeled down so that she could look at her daughter in the eyes and took her hands gently.
"Annika.. Honey. I thought we went over this already. Your Daddy's not coming back."
"But I saw him! He was there!"
"I'm sure you thought you did, honey." B'Elanna replied soothingly. She hugged her child briefly, before rising. "Come on, let's have a talk, okay?" She carried the child out of the atrium, letting the doors slide shut behind her.
*****************
"Something wrong?" B'Elanna looked up as Tom stared down at her. She sighed.
"I guess I'm a little shaken up. " she replied, patting the seat next to her. Tom's eyebrow rose.
"Oh?"
"Annika thinks she saw Harry in the atrium today."
"What?!"
"I know, I know." she said softly, staring at her coffee cup, looking toward to room where her daughter slept. "It's crazy. But it worries me."
"Are you afraid Annika is making this up, like a way of dealing with it?" B'Elanna looked up.
"Partly. The thing is, Annika never makes things up. Her imagination is huge, I grant that, but she never lied to me before. It's almost as if she really believes that she saw her father today. And I think if she was making it up, she would have come up with it before now. It has been almost seven months."
Tom frowned. "Do you think there's any truth in it?"
B'Elanna leaned back, letting her head rest on the back of the couch. "No, no, of course not. But it still worries me."
"Do you want me to talk to her?"
"No thank you, Sigmund Frued. I'll deal with it." she said with a touch of a grin. Her grin faded though, as she began to reflect. " You know what really scares me?"
Tom took her hand and smiled. "What?"
"When she ran into engineering, and started spouting off about seeing him... I actually hoped she was right. That he would just be standing there." Tom squeezed her hand.
"You'll be okay. Look, you talked about Harry and you didn't cry. That's a start, right?"
B'Elanna chuckled. "Yes, find comfort in the little things." she retorted. The two fell in silence. B'Elanna stared at the wall, she still loved him. She had taken a vow, till death do us part. What a proposterous statement. It was almost like a big old fat "DUH!". It was death, and they parted. But she still loved him. So much it hurt. B'Elanna looked toward Tom, and was astonished to see him watching her with intense eyes. His look mystified her, until she saw his head coming closer. Oh no, he 's going to kiss me. She thought as his lips descending. Not yet, she wasn't ready. But somehow, she made no move to stop him when he began to move his lips against hers. It was nice. She reflected. She had forgotten how nice it was to be kissed. Tom's kiss was familiar. But it wasn't Harry's. It didn't fill her with warmth that seeped down to her toes. It didn't make her want to cry with happiness. Guilt seeped into her and with a burst of energy she pushed him away with such a force he nearly fell off the couch.
"Not yet. It's too soon." she whispered. Tom was shocked for a second but quickly recovered.
"I'm sorry. You're right. . . It's just that..." he stared at her, before taking her hand in his. "I guess I should just say it. I still love you, B'Elanna." She swallowed at the sincerity in his eyes.
"I know." she said. "But I need time before I can go farther." He nodded.
"Of course. I should go." B'Elanna nodded. With a hesitant motion, he kissed her quickly on the lips before rising and walking to the door.
"Tom." Paris stopped and turned.
"Yeah?"
"Tom, I don't love you." Torres said gently. " I love Harry. As much as the day I married him."
Tom smiled. "I know. I can wait." he grinned and then left the quarters. Torres sighed as she saw him leave.
How long, Tom? she thought. It's gonna be a while.
*****************************
Harry Kim checked his timer with impatience. One minute, one minute and little Annika would be able to see and hear him. She sat in the atrium, playing quietly. Harry silently prayed that she wouldn't freak out like she had the last time. He needed his full ten minutes. Living like this, living for ten minutes every week, it was no way to live. But he had to do it. A beeping from his tricorder grabbed his attention and he cleared his throat. She should see him now.
"Annika." He called out, The daughter froze, and glanced up. For a second a look of joy shone in her eyes, but she shook herself out of her daze and and continued her playing.
"Annika." Harry tried again.
"Mom says your not real. You a pigment of my imagination." she said dissmisively.
"A pigment? Oh, you mean a figment!"
"That's what I said.You don't exist." she said, turning away from him. Harry was speechless, but finally sighed. *Face it, Harry Kim.* he thought to himself. *That's what you get for you and your wife being scientific fanatics.* He decided to try another tactic.
"Annika...honey, remember once your mommy told you that I was always there, watching you? Kind of like your guardian angel?" Annika paused, but slowly nodded.
"Okay... well that's what I am, I'm like your guardian angel."
Her eyes grew wide. "Really, Daddy?" Harry smiled.
"Yeah, but I want to come home. I miss you guys."
His daughter grinned widely. "We miss you too, Daddy."
"Okay, So you'll help me?" She nodded viciously.
"Should I get Mom?"
"No!" Harry held his hand out, as if to attempt to stop her. "No, sweetie, we have to keep this a secret."
"Why?"
"Because your Mom wouldn't believe you." The girl's face fell, and she glumly responded.
"I guess not."
"Listen hon, there's a problem, I can only do this once a week, for ten minutes, at this time. So you have to make sure to be here every week."
"Why?"
"Cause if you don't, then I have to wait another week in order to talk to you."
"Oh." then. "Dad? How did you know Mom said that to me?."
"Cause I can see you, even when you can see me. I watch."
"Oh." Harry checked his timer. "Honey, I'm gonna have to go soon. I need you to help me now, okay? " Annika nodded.
" Okay, hon, I 'm gonna disapear now. Don't forget okay?"
"I won't, Dad."
"And don't tell anyone."
The child hesitated but smiled her yes.
"I love you."
Annika watched as her Daddy disapeared from sight. Yet the thought lingered that he was still watching her, and this filled her with a warmth that she had not felt since the day he was declared dead. Her father was ALIVE. Giggling, she skipped out of the atrium, heading to her quarters. Now she had a secret, a little secret between her and Dad to keep all her own. Won't Mommy be surprised and glad to see Daddy back? she thought. She knew how her Mom had cried, now, soon, she wasn't going to be alone any more. The thought lingered as she stepped into her quarters. What she saw made her stop dead in her tracks. Uncle Tom was kissing her mother.
When B'Elanna saw Annika's face as she surprised her and Tom, she knew immediatly she had trouble. Tom released her immediatly but as she tried to go to her daughter, Annika gave her a dirty look and stepped back.
"Annika honey-"
"What are you doing that for!" she cried, stamping her little foot firmly. Annika rarely had tantrums, but when she made up her mind to have one, she made sure she did it thouroughly. She turned an accusing eye at Tom and then looked back up to her mother. "Dad is the only one who can do that!"
Tom and B'Elanna cast agonized glances at each other before Tom responded gently, "Annika, your father is dea-"
"NO HE'S NOT!" she bellowed. "He's not!"
"Annika, that's enough-" her mother began.
"Dad's not dead! He's not!" Annika shrieked before she ran to her quarters. B'Elanna stared silently at the closed door.
"Do you want me to go after her?" Tom asked. She shook her head.
"No, " she replied with a sigh. "I'll deal with her later. She knows better than to throw a tantrum."
Tom sensed the hurt in the young mother and attempted to alleviate B'Elanna. "To think we were trying to justify ourselves to a five year old!" he said with a chuckle. Instead of a laugh, B'Elanna gave him a glare.
"Maybe we should, Tom! It's too soon. I told you that. It's obvious that Annika's not ready for this, and frankly neither am I." Tom stayed silent at her outburst.
"What are you saying? Are you feeling guilty?" he asked her.
"Maybe. Or maybe I'm not ready to feel another man's lips on mine. I like it, Tom, " she said before he could open his mouth. " I do like it, but I mean emotionally. I don't feel anything."
For a woman to tell Tom that she didn't feel anything from his kisses was quite a blow to Tom Paris, but he took it nobly.
"Okay, I think I'm going to go, " he said with a smile. "I love you, B'Elanna. As much as Harry did. He's gone, but I'm still here. Maybe you can't love me as much as you did him, but I'm willing to take leftovers. Even if you were willing to love me just a little bit, I wouldn't mind. I can make you happy, B'Elanna." he whispered, and with that, he took her hand and gently kissed it, before leaving.
B'Elanna blew her breath out in one big huff, and stared at the ceiling. "God Harry," she whispered. "Where are you when I need you the most?"
"Right here, B'Elanna." Harry sighed as he watched his wife allow one tear to drop from her eyelid. "I wish I could hold you, and tell you it was going to be okay. But don't worry, I'm coming back to you. Please wait a little bit longer."
B'Elanna wiped the tear from her eye. "I don't how much longer I can wait." she whispered to herself.
***************
Annika was really beginning to worry B'Elanna Torres. Her insistent arguments that her father was really alive was scaring B'Elanna. Her daughter had never really been one to live in a fantasy world. Her attachment to the atrium also was bordering on fanatical. She had apologized to her mother for her tantrum, but only after B'Elanna and her had talked for almost hours, and although she still responded to her kisses and caresses, she was very quiet. B'Elanna was so worried that she took time two weeks later out of her busy schedule to visit the doctor about the problem.
"Well good evening, Lt." the doctor smiled as the woman let the doors swish closed behind her.
"Doctor," B'Elanna greeted. The doctor , noting her pensive look, put down padd and looked up at her.
"I take it this isn't a social call?" he asked her. She shook her head, sitting down across from him. "You're not ill, I hope?"
"No, doctor, I'm fine." she bit her lip.
The doctor waited a minute, the sighed. "Lt, although I may be superior in many ways, unfortunately telepathy is not one my major strengths."
"It's about Annika."
"Annika?" the hologram let an eyebrow raise. He had always had a soft spot for that mischevious child of Harry and B'Elanna's. "Is she alright?"
"Well, physically." B'Elanna began, "but lately there have been some incidents that have begun to worry me."
"Such as?" the doctor prompted.
"Well.... she has developed this strange attachment to the atrium . I mean she has to be there every week, no matter what. And she keeps insisting that she has to be there alone."
"I don't see a problem with that, B'Elanna. She's keeping busy, she's got a mission. To keep those plants alive." B'Elanna's eyes widened.
"Like she couldn't keep Harry alive..." she whispered. The doctor nodded.
"It's a good way to keep her mind off of things."
"I could see how that could work phsycologically, Doctor," B'Elanna aquiesed, "But at least twice she's insisted to me that she's seen her father, or that he's alive."
"Really? That's interesting." said the doctor. "If you like, B'Elanna, send her to me, I'll try and find out what's wrong, however for now, just let things run their course. Don't hinder her trips to the atrium. Remember, she lost a father not so long ago. Healing takes time."
"Tell me about it." B'Elanna muttered. The doctor said nothing, but instead reached over and squeezed her hand.
"You're doing very well, B'Elanna." he said with a smile.
"My acting skills are primed, Doctor." she said with a grim smile, before rising. "Thanks a lot."
"Next time make an appointment!" he said sternly, but B'Elanna noted the twinkle in his eyes.
"Annika" The young child shrinked when she heard the warning in her father's voice.
"Yes, Daddy?" she attempted to answer sweetly.
"I thought I told you that this was supposed to be a secret." he said.
"It is!" she said defensively. "I didn't tell anyone."
"What about the time when you told your Mom and Uncle Tom that I was still alive?" he pointed out. Her face fell.
"Oh.. Well I had a reason! Uncle Tom ." her voice lowered down into a whisper, despite the fact that the atrium was empty. "Uncle Tom was kissing Mom."
Harry immediately stiffened. He had followed Annika to her quarters. He had also walked into that scene. "I know honey. But don't worry, he won't be for long." he smiled conspiratively. "Listen, hon, I need you to bring someone with you next week."
"Who?"
"Remember the information I had you download last week?" His answer was a nod. " Well, I need you to bring Seven next week to help me with that."
"Dad, she won't believe me."
"So don't tell her why, just get her here."
"But she won't be able to see you."
"Yes she will."
"How?"
"I'll let you know when she gets here. And no more telling poeple that I"m alive, okay?"
"Okay Dad."
"Doctor can I talk to you?" B'Elanna's abrubt entrance startled the hologram, and as his head snapped up the irritation was evident on his face.
"B'Elanna, next time I do suggest that you knock." B'Elanna hovered uncertaintly, her face a mask of confusion.
"Doctor, what do you want me to do? Call you on the comm before I decide to come to sickbay?" The doctor sighed, but nodded his apologies.
"I suppose the request was a trifle overreactive. Forgive me. My day has not been pleasant. What can I do for you?"
" I have another problem with Annika." The doctor's face immeditaly changed from one of irritation to one of concern. Annika may have been a mischevious, conniving child, or so he called her, but Torres knew that deep down inside he loved her very deeply.
"Nothing serious I hope?" he remarked. She shook her head uncertainly.
"I'm not sure. It's just. I thought she was over... Harry's death..." she stumbled a bit over the words, it still hurt for her to admit them. "But I guess not. Lately she's still been insisting that her father is still alive, that she still see's him?"
The doctor lifted an eyebrow. Now more than ever he wished that Kes was still with them. Her prescense was always sorely missed, but the young Ocampa girl knew more than she let on. Annika would have liked her.
"Has anything happened to her lately to cause her agitation?" B'Elanna blushed, then sank down on the chair opposite him.
"Well...." She began... "This is just between us." The doctor rolled his eyes, but humoured her by nodding. "Lately, Tom and I have gotten rather... involved."
"I assume this isn't on a project?" he asked her directly.
"Not really."
"I see." The doctor paused and answered flippantly. "Well there you go, of course Annika feels a little resentment to Tom and wants to make you feel guilty in her own childlike way."
B'Elanna's head shook fervently. "That's not it, Doc."
"Well, suppose we ask her." Before Torres could stop him, he reached up and tapped his commbadge.
"Doctor to Annika."
"Annika here." The girl's voice came through with excitement. Torres smiled over her daughter's enthusiasm.
"Will you report to sickbay please?"
"Sure, Uncle Doc. Uh... Annika Out." The doctor grinned fondly, but realized Torres was watching him and straightened his face immediately. As the comm closed, the doors swished open and Seven came in with a firm stride.
"Doctor I need to discuss a few matters with you." she said in her straighforward way.
"Seems, I'm a popular fellow today," he muttered under his breath. "Seven can this be done later, I'm having a private conference with B'Elanna about Annika."
Immediately the Borg looked concerned, and B'Elanna inwardly groaned. So much for keeping this to herself.
"Is she ill?"
The doctor looked at B'Elanna, and she waved a distracted hand. "Might as well, Doc, she is her god daughter."
It didn't take long for the doctor to explain the situation, despite Torres' ever reddening face when he lingered over the possible flirtation with Paris. Seven's eyebrow rose, and either Torres was mistaken, or Seven had the beginnings of a smirk on her face.
"That is illogical, " Seven mused at the end of the explanation. "Annika has too much of her father in her to have haluccinations."
"I agree."
"But she does insist on having them!" Torres snapped angrily. Open forum was not what she had in mind when she came to visit the doctor.
All three began to argue at once, and no one noticed Annika Kim come skipping into sickbay. Her steps faltered as she saw the group arguing. Seven was the first to notice the child watching them with a strange look. She waved the others to silence, and all three turned to stare at the child.
This unwanted scrutiny made Annika uncomfortable.
"Annika, thank goodness you're here." The doctor said pleasently, standing up and walking out of the office, leading the other two to trail behind him. "I was hoping you could clear a couple of things up. You see, B'Elanna has told me that you insist that your father is still alive, and I and -"
The doctor was cut off immediately by a whack from behind from a very disgruntled Lt. Torres. His look was not one of pain, but annoyance when he turned around.
"Lt, I can put you in the brig for that." Seven raised a quizzical eyebrow.
"As surprising as it may sound, I agree with Lt. Torres actions. More .. tact ... should have been used."
"Tact? Talk about the pot calling the kettle-" the doctor said dryly.
'What do you mean surprising!" Torres roared once again offended. Seven and her may have put aside thier differences a long time ago, but dang it, would it kill the girl to have a little manners?
It was this little outburst that started them off again, and Annika was reminded once again that her mother was still, after all, a Klingon. But what the doctor said scared her. Her father told her she had to keep it a secret, and although Annika desperately wanted to tell, she knew that she could.
"SCUSE ME!" she yelled, as loud as her five year old lungs could muster the strength to allow. It was enough. The room grew deathly quiet and even Seven of Nine's jaw dropped quite briefly. When she had the attention of all three, Annika smiled. "I understand that Mother has been worried about me. Mother, you don't have to. I was... um... upset, but I"m over that now." The trio stood unconvinced. Annika had her grown up voice now, and that only meant one thing. She was lying.
"Annika. We are worried about you." B'Elanna started forward.
"But why?" she said. "I'm fine. I"m sorry for all the trouble I've caused. But I lost my father, and that is very distressful for a child of my age." Seven and B'Elanna both looked at the Doctor who merely shrugged. They had all heard those words before. The doctor had said them to B'Elanna just three weeks ago.
"You said she was asleep." he said accusingly. B'Elanna sighed, brushed him aside, and turned to her daughter.
"Just the same, Annika, what do you say that instead of going to the atrium again tommorrow how about me and you go to the holodeck?"
"NO!" the yell startled the adults, and they passed concerned looks to each other. There was geniune fright in the girls eyes.
"No, mother please."
"Okay, " her mother soothed. "Why don't I go with you this one time to the atrium then?"
Annika shook her head violently, and she was bordering on tears. Her eyes flashed quickly around the room, and suddenly rested on Seven. Something clicked in her mind.
"Seven! Mom can Seven come with me instead?" she called triumphantly. If Seven had been surprised at suddenly being chosen over the girls mother to join Annika, she didn't show it. She merely raised a quizzical eyebrow in B'Elanna's direction.
B'Elanna on the other hand, was hurt. But her daughter looked seriously distressed at this, and so she decided to relent just this once.
"I think you have to ask Seven first." she said quietly, running her hands comfortingly down the girls arms. The girl shot a desperate, pleading look at Seven.
Seven inwardly sighed. She had various things to do tommorrow, but looking down at her god daughter pleading viciously with her, she had to relent. Deep down, Seven of Nine knew she had a soft spot. And it was Annika.
"Of course." she said stiffly. The girl immediatly looked delightled and ran to hug the surprised woman around the thighs. She glanced at the smirks of the doctor and B'Elanna, and reddened, but stiffly bent down to pat the girl akwardly on the back regardless.
She looked briefly at B'Elanna and nodded. Their eyes met briefly, and when they looked away, Seven knew that they both understood. Seven had proved something to B'Elanna today , something very important, She had proved that they were friends.
"Alright, Annika." Seven let the girl lead her excitingly into the atrium. To be quite honest with herself, Seven was rather curious as to what was so special about the atrium to Annika. To her plants, were just plants. Though her Borg memories were drifting farther and farther from her daily, she still sometimes thought with a Borg mentality. That mentality didn't really include appreciation of plants. However, when they entered, she tried her best to appear interested. Much to her surprise, Annika didn't. She barely glanced at the plants before removed a data padd that she had hidden and asked the computer for the time. When she heard it, she nodded, and then took Seven's hand and dragged her to the back of the room.
"What are we doing?" Seven asked in confusion. Annika responded with a simple, "You'll see."
They waited in silence for a few minutes, and all of a sudden Annika's face burst into a radiant smile.
"DAD!" she cried, causing the level headed Borg to jump. She looked in the direction Annika was looking at, but could find nothing out of the unusual. Suddenly the girl jumped up and ran to the end of the hallway, seemingly talking to the air.
"I brought her, Dad!" she said excitedly, "Just like you said!"
"Annika!" Seven of Nine strode to where she was. "What are you doing! Who are you talking to!" Annika looked surprised at first, and then seemed to listen, before turning to her.
"Dad says to change your Borg implants to these frequencies." she said matter-of-factly, handing her a padd.
"What?" Seven of Nine was getting agitated. "Annika, I thought we discussed this. Your father-"
"Is standing right here." she interrupted calmly. " But you can't see him right now unless you change your implants to these frequencies."
"Annika I refus-"
"Seven," Annika appeared very calm. "Dad says to make a deal with you. He says that it's nothing harmful, and if you promise to change them and then can't see him, then he really is fictional. He says, "Resistance is Futile.'" Annika's face looked confused for a second before looking up to Seven. "What's that mean?"
Seven was to confused to indulge her. Annika's words really did sound like something Harry would tell her, and she had stopped with the Borg speeches years ago. How would Annika know?
"Alright." Seven said finally. "I 'll do this, just for you, but afterwards, we are going to have a very long talk." she said firmly. Annika nodded calmly, and stepped, every once in while chatting to the air, while Seven looked over the numbers. Everything was calculated prescisly. Annika may have been smart, but she could have never come up with these numbers. With a sigh, she finally picked up the tool Annika had so lovingly provided, and proceeded to change the frequencies.
When she was done, the world looked no different to Seven of Nine. Annika standing there expectantly. Seven got agitated.
"You see,Annika? I don't see anything." She turned. "Everything looks the same as before, except for Harry Kim standing over there-." She froze, and turned around to look more closely at what she had just seen. Lt. Harry Kim was standing at the edge of one of the rows, next to Annika. Both had a smug smile on their face.
"You're letting flies in, Seven." Harry remarked crisply. Seven realized her jaw was hanging open. She shut it quickly, and walked slowly to the pair.
"Told you he was alive." Annika said with a smile.
"Lt. Kim?" Seven whispered. "Harry?"
"Seven. Thank you for indulging my daughter. It seems you do have a soft spot."
She colored briefly before asking, "How can you???"
Harry smiled grimly and proceeded to relate to her what happened to him, only with a lot more scientific jargon than Annika, who was listening in, was used to. Her head was swimming by the time he was finished.
"That would explain the discrepancies in the particle counts." Seven remarked, all business again, now that the initial shock was over. "Now the problem is getting you back."
Harry nodded grimly. "I think I've figured out a way, but it's risky." he motioned for Annika to give Seven another padd, which she did. Seven looked it over, and raised her eyebrow thoughtfully.
"You are correct. It is very risky. At best, you'll be out a couple of days with a coma, and we'll need both Commander Chakotay's and the Captain's permission to do it."
"And if they don't believe you?" Seven's eyebrow rose higher.
"I am not given to hallucinations. They will believe me."
"But you and Annika are the only ones who can see me."
"Perhaps." Seven aquiesed. "But nevertheless, we will find a way."
Harry smiled. "Thank you, Seven." he glanced over to his daughter, who had lost interest in the conversation and was playing in the plants. His voice lowered. "You don't know how great it is to be talking to an adult." Seven allowed a small smile.
"Would you like Lt. Torres to know about this?" Harry's face froze.
"Not until we are sure that this will work. If I die, or if somehow I can't get back... well at least we can convince Annika that they were a dream, but B'Elanna. . . I don't want to put her through that again."
Seven nodded. "You do know that her and Lt. Paris..."
"I know." Harry's voice turned gruff. "She still loves me." he said in a firm manner, indicating that that was the end of that dialogue.
"Very well, " Seven said, taking the hint. " I believe you're time is almost up." Harry glanced at his tricorder and grimaced.
"Damn. Yeah it is."
"Fine, I will discuss the situation with the Commander and the Captain. Would you like to say goodbye to Annika?" Harry nodded, and Seven walked to the other side of the room. She was usually very level headed, but even she couldn't believe how well she was taking Harry's reappearense. Harry Kim was her first friend on Voyager, and although she had made considerable more, she still considered him her best friend. Her respect for his was very high, and sometimes she regretted not taking advantage of the time when she knew he was interested in her. Of course, the minute B'Elanna began to pay attention to him, the infatuation was over, and Seven knew that she could have never competed with the love that the two held for each other in their hearts. Now, she was involved with Lt. Ayala, who was admittedly crazy about her, Seven's affection for Harry was purely platonic, but Seven never lost the respect that she carried for Harry Kim. Now was the time to show how deep it was.
*******************************************
"Wow", B'Elanna smiled as she looked at the holodeck room that she entered. "This is beautiful."
Harry Kim blushed as he took her hand and led her deeper into the tropical forest that he had created. "There's more, come on." B'Elanna smiled as she allowed him to lead her into the beautiful wilderness. It must have taken him hours, she mused. Days, weeks even. She smiled. And he did it all for her. B'Elanna was silent as she walked thorugh the dense foliage with him. He loves me, she thought with a smile. The thought made her feel like a teenager again. Suddenlly she wanted to kick her heels and shout to the sky with joy. She did neither, instead she stopped him, and with a wicked smile, slid her arms around his waist. He pulled her to him, and smiled quizzingly.
"What is it?" he asked her. B'Elanna smiled, and she allowed him to see the twinkle in her eye.
"Tell me you love me." she said firmly.
"B'Elanna, come on, I tell you everyday."
"I know, but it's important that you tell me right now, Right here."
"Right now?"
"Come on, it's not that big of a deal, Look, on three ready?"
"You're being childish, you know that?"
"One.."
"B'Elanna."
"Two.." He sighed.
"Three... I love you." They said the words together, and when they left his mouth, he looked suprised.
"Did you just say what I think you said?" he asked, surprise evident in his voice.
"I don't know what did I just say?"
"That you loved me."
"Did I say that?" She teased. He gazed down at her, and a smile formed on his lips.
"Yes you did."
"Well, then I guess I did." She laughed, but the laughter died when she saw his face. With a gentle hand, she reached up and caressed his forehead, moving the hair out of his face.
"I love you, Harry." she whispered softly. "More than I ever thought possible."
A glistening of tears came to his eyes, and he grinned. "Come here, you space cadet." He began to kiss her softly, and B'Elanna responded, pressing her body next to his. He held her tightly, and his kiss grew more passionate as he began to stroke her back softly. She smiled.
"Don't you have something to show me?" she teased.
"In a minute," he said thickly, kissing her deeply once more.
"How about now?" he kissed her again.
"Hold on my minute isn't up ye-"
Suddenly he pulled away from her, and B'Elanna's eyes opened in horror to see him flying away from her . Suddenly they were back in that horrible day with the Vidiians. The day where he had died and two Voyagers appeared.
"Harry !!! " B'Elanna screamed, reaching her arm out desperatley. "Grab my hand!"
He looked horrified, he attempted to do so, but couldn't, and suddenly B'Elanna's heart dropped as his hand slipped off the rails into the open breach. She felt herself screaming in desperation as his body fell away.
"HAAAAAARRRRRYYYYYY!"
B'Elanna shot up in her bed, her body covered with sweat, her hair plastered to her face. It was another nightmare, she said to herself. Just a dream. She rested her head on her hands and forced herself to breathe in deeply before sliding off the bed and going into the washroom. Quickly she washed her face off in the water and stared at her reflection in the mirror. The woman in front of her was in agony. B'Elanna knew now, after weeks of dreams that she would never have enough time to get over Harry. And she wanted to. She wanted to badly. This love that had made her feel so good was now crippling her so that she didn't want to sleep at night.
"Why did he have to leave me?" She whispered quietly. "Why did he leave me alone?" She was angry, so angry at Harry for leaving her. He promised her he would never go away. Now, she was alone.
"No you're not." she told herself. "You have Annika." But Annika was her daughter. Annika couldn't hold her at night and tell her everything was fine. Annika wasn't Harry. No one was.
But there was Tom. Tom loved her. He wanted to marry her.
But you don't love him, you still love Harry. She dismissed the thought as soon as it had crossed her mind. It didn't matter anymore. She didn't want to be alone anymore. Not ever again.
"B'Elanna?" Tom's voice was thick with sleep when he opened his eyes and squinted at the woman in front of him. "What are you doing here?"
B'Elanna stayed quiet, but stepped into his quarters deliberatly, waiting until the doors slid shut before moving into his arms.
Tom was alert instantly when B'Elanna began to plant kisses on his neck slowly. He pushed her away.
"B'Elanna! What are you doing ?"
"I want you Tom." she said slowly. "Now." She kissed him firmly before reaching for his robe.
"Wait! You're not ready for this!" he said, fighting every will he had in his body not to respond to her. "You still love Harry!" At the mention of his name, she jerked away from him as if someone had hit her. She walked slowly to his couch, and sat down.
"God what did I almost do?" she whispered, holding her head in her hands. Tom sighed, and then sat gingerly next to her.
"B'Elanna, why did you try to seduce me tonight?" he asked her gently.
She looked up at him, her eyes clouded, and then shrugged. "I don't want to be alone, Tom. I can't stand it."
Tom swallowed. "If I had let you, and believe me I wanted to, you would have hated me." She mutely shook her head.
"No. I would have hated myself." she choked, and bit her lip.
"I 'm sorry Tom. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy." She rose to go, but Tom's hand stopped her.
"You don't have to." he said firmly. "I can be with you."
"Thanks, but no thanks Tom." she said. "I'd only be using you."
"Marry me, B'Elanna." she froze as she turned to look at him. His face was rigid with conviction.
"What?" she whispered.
"Marry me. Let me love you. Please. Let me help you. I can make it hurt less. I can be there for you. I can be a father to Annika. Let me try." He clasped her hands tightly. B'Elanna looked at him, at the love in his eyes.
"Tom, I can't love you right now-"
"I know, I know that." he said quickly. "I don't care. Please, maybe you will in time."
B'Elanna sighed. She thought of Harry, of their happiness, and then she looked at Tom. Harry was gone, he could n't come back, and all B'Elanna knew was that she couldn't bear to live alone forever. Maybe she could love Tom. Maybe.
"Yes, Tom. Yes."
****************
Captain Kathryn Janeway stayed silent after Seven of Nine finished her report. She was dumbstruck.
"Are you sure? Absolutley positive?" she asked for the third time.
Seven nodded. "I have shown you the proof."
"My God, he's still alive." Janeway whispered. "After all this time, he's still alive." The ready room was silent. Chakotay, the Doctor, and Tuvok, the other people in the room looked just as dumbstruck as Janeway. Seven remained composed as she waited patiently for her words to sink in.
"I would not have been able to find this if it wasnt' for Annika."
"And from the mouths of babes," Chakotay said, now a true grin emerging from his face. The grin was infectious, even Tuvok looked a little happier. Why not? Harry Kim was still alive!
"And you said he had a plan?" Janeway asked. Seven nodded, rising from her chair and bringing up the data on the screen. The crew waited as she explained her thoery, polished from Lt. Kim's. Their grins faded.
"That could kill him." Janeway said firmly. Seven nodded.
"He is aware of that. He is willing to do this if it there is even a chance he can come back."
Tuvok stayed silent. His opposition to this was clear, but it was not his place to question Harry Kim' s decisions.
Janeway tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to all senior officers, report to the conference room immediatly." Seven looked alarmed. The only two officers not there were Paris and Torres.
"Captain, it was Lt. Kim's wish that Lt. Torres not be-"
"I know what his wishes were, Seven. " She said sharply. "But B'Elanna was his wife and I believe she has a right to know that her husband is still alive. Even if we don't succeed in bringing him back. Goodness knows she's sufferred enough." she finished, more to herself that anyone.
Chakotay guffawed. "So we are doing this?"
Kathryn turned to look at him directly. "I dont' think we have any other choice, Commander."
In the silence that followed the doors swished open, and the two missing officers walked in. Tom and B'Elanna stopped when the entire room focused on the two of them together, and unconsciously, B'Elanna moved her hand from Tom's. He was too happy to notice.
"I see you started without us." he said with a grin. The senior staff looked at each other quietly before Kathryn spoke gently.
"Tom-"
"Wait!" Tom interuppted. "I'm sorry, Captain, but I have an announcement to make, and I'll burst if I don't say it. " B'Elanna started to shake her head but Tom ignored it. "With the captain's blessing of course, I'd like to announce that B'Elanna and I are engaged."
The room turned deathly quiet, and the grin from Tom's face faded when no smile emerged from anyone's lips.
"Don't all rush to congradulate us, or anything." he said softly. Seven stepped forward and was about to say something when Janeway laid her hand on her arm to stop her.
With a warning glance at Seven, she shook her head, and said gently, but fimly to the pair standing uncertainly at the door, "Sit down Tom. You too B'Elanna."
********************
"What?" Tom voice cracked as he burst out, "He's still alive?" The senior staff was silent as Janeway nodded, aware now that all eyes had followed hers to the young woman seated at the corner of the table.
"Yes, " she said. "He's always been alive."
Unconsiously, the room stayed quiet, as each officer focused on B'Elanna, to see how she would react to the news.
B'Elanna was not aware of any of the glances that were all on her, her mind was reeling. Harry was still alive? Harry was alive. . . He was alive. Her husband wasn't dead...
Utter joy filled her heart as she dwelled on this simple fact. In a burst of joy, tears began to fill her eyes, and her eyes shone. She looked up around the table to smile at everyone, until her gaze caught Tom's. The smile slid of her lips, and she bit her lip and broke the gaze. A horrible thought filled her mind, her heart, and it began to weigh on her chest.
"Seven, " she asked quietly, looking at nothing but the small portion of the desk in front of her. "He can see us? "
Seven spoke crisply. "Yes. He is probably in the room as we are speaking." B'Elanna's head shot up at this, and her lower lip trembled before she burst out of her seat and left the room.
The room sat in stunned silence, and even Janeway forgot to think about reprimanding B'Elanna for leaving the room without being given permision. She glanced at Tom, and suddenly realized what kind of situation she had on her hands. Tom looked torn. He looked destroyed. Guilt filled his face, mixed with anger and torment. But nothing matched the looked on B'Elanna's. Nothing.
Realizing that the senior staff was waiting for her to address them, she composed herself quickly. With a deep breath, she spoke.
"We'll begin preparing for this immediatly. Seven, I want you in charge. We have until Friday, that gives us three days to get Harry back to us in one piece. Tom?"
Paris looked up in distraction. "Yes captain?"
"We need your help on this. "
He said nothing at first, but swallowed. Somehow, he knew that he had lost B'Elanna, again, forever. But he managed to reach withing himself and nod. "Captain, he's my best friend. I'll do anything I can to bring him back."
"You are a true Starfleet Officer, Mr. Paris." she said softly. "I'll talk to B'Elanna myself. Doctor work with Tom. We need everyone's full cooperation. For the next three days we are going to eat, breathe and live Harry Kim. Dismissed."
The officers rose slowly, and all walked out, except Seven of Nine. "Captain," she began. "With your permission, I would like to talk to B'Elanna myself."
Janeway looked hesitant. "It's common knowledge on this ship that the two or you aren't exactly best friends, Seven."
"It is also common knowledge that besides Lt. Torres, and Lt. Paris, I was Harry Kim's closest friend." Seven said firmly. Kathyn stared quietly at her for a second before it dawned on the captain what she meant. She smiled, and nodded.
"Very well, Lt." she addressed the newly commisioned officer. "You got the job. Just don't kill each other, okay?" she added, a small smirk on her face.
Seven raised a confused eyebrow. "Loss of life would have no relavence in this matter."
"Nevermind, just go talk to her."
**************************************************
*I'm sorry, Harry . I'm so sorry.* B'Elanna huddled in her bedroom staring at a hologram of her Harry and Annika together. What the hell was she feeling? Anger? Joy? Pain? Guilt? It was all mixed together, and the overall feeling was nausea. Her husband had never left her, and yet she had been alone. But he was still her husband, and yet she had gone after Tom like a dog in heat, and he probably saw it all.
An unconsious groan escaped her lips. Harry was alive, and for that simple fact she was ready to forgive him for everything, for leaving her alone. But could she forgive herself? She should have known, she should have known that Harry wasn't dead, she had the doubts, but she just let herself believe it. And it destroyed her.
Maybe that was what scared her so much. She had given Harry everything of herself, every bit of her whole being she had shared with him. She wasn't sure she could ever do that again, even with Harry, if he ever forgave her.
Oh, God, she thought to herself. I'm going crazy here.
The chime on the door was exactly what she didn't need. A growl of anger rose from within her, and she bellowed to whoever was on the other side to go away. The chime continued to chirp, making B'Elanna angrier and angrier. Suddenly the doors swished open and B'Elanna lost control. She burst from the room and hurled her coffee cop at the intruder.
If Seven was surprised at seeing a cup hurled directly at her head, she didn't show. She merely caught the cup seconds before it made contact, gazed at it thoughtfully, and tossed it back.
"You are fortunate that I was not Annika." she said firmly at the stunned Torres. "She would not have been able to repel such a throw."
Torres got over her surprise quickly enough to give Seven a dirty glare. "I thought I told you to go away. You are the last person I want to see." she bit angrily, turning her back on the annoying Borg.
The threatening tone in her voice didn't faze Seven of Nine. "I've dealt with far more intimidating creatures than you, Lt." she said bluntly, before squaring her shoulders. "I believe we need to talk."
"HELL NO!" Torres yelled, her eyes flashing. "Get the hell out of here, Seven."
Seven stayed quiet, but raised her eyebrows once more. "You are angry with me?"
Torres said nothing.
"I do not understand why you should be Lt." Seven said. "I have done nothing to provoke your anger."
"You've done enough." Seeing that the Borg was still confused, Torres decided to elaborate. "My daughter prefers you, my husband prefers you-"
"Your daughter and your husband love you more than ever, B'Elanna." Seven said firmly. "If you believe that the reason that I knew of Harry Kim's existence was because he "prefered" me, you are sadly mistaken. My Borg implants were the only way any of us can see him. It was a matter of coincidence, nothing more."
B'Elanna stared at her. "Then why didn't you tell me?"
"You would not have believed me. Also, Lt. Kim did not wish you to be aware of the situation. He was -"
"He knew about Tom and me." interupted Torres, self contempt dripping from her voice. "I don't love Tom, Seven. "
Seven sighed, and B'Elanna could have sworn she rolled her eyes. "Indeed he did, but that was of no consequence. He informed me that you still love him-"
"He what?"
"Lt. Torres, if you persist in interrupting me, I will be forced to leave. " she waited until Torres shut her mouth, and continued. "The reason he did not wish you to know is evident. What he is proposing to do is incredibly dangerous, and if he actually dies in this ordeal, he didn't want you to know. He didn't want to hurt you again."
Torres stayed quiet. "He still loves me."
"Do not force me to reiterate what I have already said, Lt." B'Elanna looked up, and then saw the beginnings of a smirk on Seven's face.
"When can you see him again?"
"In three days, when we attempt to bring him back."
"How will we know he knows what to do?"
"I have given him strict intructions to follow me. He hears whatever I do."
Torres choked. "What? You mean he's in here right now?"
"I'm not sure, Lt. My instructions were to begin tommorrow."
"Jesus, Seven, why didn't you tell me!"
"That would have been inconsequential, Lt."
"It would have been very consequential!" Torres eyes began to search the room fiercly, but Seven appeared unfazed as ever.
"Lt. I must go. We will begin tomorrow at 0600 hours. Be prepared." she turned to leave.
"Wait, Seven." Seven stopped and looked back at B'Elanna, who looked oddly at peace. "Thank you Seven."
Seven nodded. "It is of no consequence, Lt." She almost smiled before she left the room.
B'Elanna stared at the closed doors before she turned back to her room. Her mixed torment hadn't left her, and she still had no idea what was going to happen to her in the next three days, but there was one thing that made it all bearable. Harry still loved her.
"Mom?" B'Elanna looked up to see Annika standing at the doorway to her room. She smiled.
"Hey, Hon." B'Elanna opened her arms and hugged her child fiercely.
Annika smiled at her mother. "Do you believe me now, Mom?"
"Yes, honey, I do. I'm sorry I ever doubted you." The child smiled and kissed her mom soundly on the cheek.
"What was that for?" B'Elanna said with a smile.
"It's from Dad." At this, tears began to fill up in B'Elanna's eyes.
"I promise you honey. We're going to get him back." *And we'll deal with everything else, after*, she added silently. Annika smiled.
"I know, Mom."
************
"Captain, we're almost done here," B'Elanna's Voice came over the comm loud and clear. "Just give us as couple of minutes and we'll be ready to go." It was the calm tone of her voice that made Captain Janeway realize just how great an officer she had in B'Elanna Torres. The proffessionalism of Lt. Torres' voice was level and controlled, quite the opposite of the feelings Janeway knew that B'Elanna must have been feeling at the moment. If anyone would be affected by the venture that they were about to take, it would be her, and yet, she sounded as if it was just another routine duty that she had to preform.
"Acknowledged, B'Elanna." Janeway said. "Standby." She looked around the bridge, and felt, rather than saw, her officer's tension and excitement. The return of Harry Kim had brought the entire crew to a standstill. True to her word, Janeway ordered her crew to do nothing but eat, sleep and breathe Harry Kim, and this they did gladly. Harry Kim was a friend to everyone, and they certainly proved it the way they worked tirelessly to make this transition as smooth as possible. B'Elanna and Seven put their differences aside immediately, and worked together as if they were best friend. Janeway knew that B'Elanna's inner demons were far from resolved, but whatever Seven told her had given her a new strength. Her engagement to Tom was considered null and void by the few people who knew that it was ever happening, and Kathryn alone knew the pain that Tom had endured by that. She knew how much he loved B'Elanna, and for that she pitied him. Once they got Harry back, if they got Harry back, there would be another, a deeper problem to be dealt with, one that involved more than a few broken hearts.
A beep from Seven's consol caught her attention and shook her out of her daze. Seven nodded to her when she looked up. Beside her, she heard Chakotay take a breath. It was time.
"Okay then," she said, trying to sound as professional and upbeat as possible. "Here we go. Seven?"
Without a word the Borg exited the bridge to the turbo lift.
"Assuming Lt. Kim follows orders, he'll materialize right at sickbay." Chakotay said with a nervous smile.
"Mr. Kim was never one to disobey orders, except when they were coming from me." The crew chuckled at Tuvok's comment. "I was not attempting to be funny." He said, a little miffed.
Paris grinned. "What can I say, Tuvok? You're a natural comedian." Tuvok raised an eyebrow but chose to ignore the comment.
"Seven to the bridge. I'm in position."
The smiled immediately left the crew's face, and Janeway took a deep breath. "Acknowledge. B'Elanna are you okay- I mean there?"
If the situation had been any lighter for B'Elanna Torres, she would have smiled, but today she didn't even crack a smirk. Her heart was beating loudly, and she could almost feel the sweat dripping off her body, but what she needed, she had. Her focus was clear, and her will was driven by a love that burned hot with passion.
"I'm here and ready, captain."
"We're ready whenever you are." B'Elanna stayed silent as she looked at her engineering crew who gazed at her with concern and respect. Silently she closed her eyes, and when she opened them, nodded. *Harry, don't you dare die on me* she thought angrily.
"Okay, Here we go."
There were very few times in her relatively new human life when Seven of Nine felt nervous. There was simply never the need. Now was one of those times. Tension filled her as she heard B'Elanna begin the process that, hopefully, would bring her husband home. Seven glanced around and spoke to the air around her.
"Good Luck, Harry." she said. Common sense told her it was ridiculous to be speaking to the thin air like that, but she knew he was there. He was hoping too.
And suddenly it began. The surefooted Borg nearly lost her footing as the ship rocked with the beginning of the sequence. It would last for sixty seconds, and the forcefield erected around her would prevent the radiation from reaching her vulnerable human body. But it would not protect Harry, and that was what everyone was counting on.
Forty seconds left, and Harry sucked in his breath quickly as he felt a small pain begin to work it's way into his stomach. He looked up desperatly at Seven, who was scanning the room, all while trying to hold on to a bio bed. The doctor was on the other side, resting in his office, looking just as worried. Suddenly the pain became searing and Harry Kim cried out as he fell to the ground, unable to stand the torture that he himself had inflicted upon himself. *My God, I'm going to die. I really am.*
Seven's head jerked up when she heard an agonized scream pierce her eyes. She looked up, and suddenly saw a shimmering figure in the middle of the room. It was working. "Come on, Harry, hang on." She pleaded.
Harry bit his lips in an attempt to keep the pain from filling him completely. Suddenly a thought filled his mind. He remembered the day after Annika was born, when B'Elanna had told him angrily that she hoped he would one day go through the same torture that she had gone through The thought almost made him laugh. * Be careful what you wish for, B'Elanna Torres. You just might get it.* The pain seared as if began to eat at him from inside out. * I'm going to die.* he thought peacefully. *This is going to kill me* The thought lingered as the world went dark.
"5 - 4- 3- 2- 1." The ship stopped shaking, abrubtly as it began. Janeway looked up, and immediately tapped her badge. "Janeway to Seven. Report."
The radiation was cleared almost immediately by the ship's vents, and Seven burst into the sickbay and slid down next to the motionless figure that had fallen at her feet. The doctor was right behind her.
"Seven to the captain. He's back. But he's not breathing."
"And that's the good news." The doctor said sarcastically. "Quickly, help me put him on the biobed. " he said to the anxious Borg. Seven complied quickly.
"First things first. We've got to get him breathing." The doctor said. "Then we'll worry about everything else."
B'Elanna Torres had no other thoughts on her mind but one as she raced down the corridors to sickbay. She had heard he wasn't breathing. My god what if he died? What if after all this time he had actually left her for good? She bit down a whimper of fear as she burst into sickbay, and then she saw him. Her heart stopped within her as she walked slowly to the biobed. Seven and the doctor looked up and backed off. The doctor came to her quietly.
"He's pretty bad, Lt. We got him stable, but he's in a coma. I don't want him to wake up from it. "
"How long?" she whispered.
"Four days, at least." She choked down her tears, and nodded.
"He'll make it?"
The doctor smiled. "I think so. Go ahead and see him."
B'Elanna nodded, and squeezed the doctor's hand deftly. With a pounding heart, she walked quietly over to where her husband lay. There he was, and God he was alive! Her heart full, she took in his sleeping form. It seemed unreal. A week ago, he was dead, and now, here he was, and he looked so real. With a trembling hand, she slowly reached out and touched his face gently. His skin was so soft, so delicate, and it felt so real. And B'Elanna finally realized, that Harry was alive. It was too much, taking his hand in hers, she knelt down beside him, and began to cry.