The Fool
or, The Perfect Stranger
by Misty
aka Melissa Flores
mistyjox@hotmail.com

For the GJRS Lyrics Challenge

Notes: Well, my first one, be gentle. I'm not sure I know Lila all that well, but the words were perfect for her, and I had to go with it. Hope ya dig.
Spoilers for this season of Xena.
Thanks to Boo, for the awesome lyrics.

The Fool
By Lee Ann Womack
You don't know me but I know who you are
Mind if I sit down
Do I look familiar if I don't well I should
I'm sure you've seen me around
I know you've probably heard my name
Though we've not been introduced
I'm the fool in love with the fool
Who's still in love with you

If you've got a minute I'll buy you a drink
I've got something to say
It might sound crazy but last night in his sleep
I heard him call out your name
This ain't the first time, he's done it before
And it's hard to face the truth
I'm the fool in love with the fool
Who's still in love with you

I know love is a fragile thing
And I'm trying hard to make it last
But it ain't easy holding on to my dream
When he's holding on to the past

Just one more thing before I go
I'm not here to put you down
You don't love him and that's a fact
Girl I've seen you around
But you hold his heart in the palm of your hand
And it's breaking mine in two
Cause I'm the fool in love with the fool
Who's still in love with you

I'm the fool in love with the fool
Who's still in love with you
 

She's almost a stranger to me now.  I remember the time, long ago, when we were the same, when we were truly sisters.

She dressed like I did, she wasn't beautiful, like I wasn't beautiful. She was simply pretty, a pretty, plain, town girl.

Just like me.

It didn' t matter then that her eyes seemed to sparkle just a little bit more than me. That our parents seemed to smile just a little bit more when they looked at her, because back then I knew, that we were the same.

We were town girls, destined to live our lives out in our small village, to farm, and to marry town boys, to have children and have them grow up in the small town, with our long dresses and our long hair, mine the color of chestnut and hers the color of spun gold.

We told each other everything, and I knew then  that maybe something was different, that maybe she wasn't like me, but she never said anything, she accepted her upcoming marriage to Perdicus, at least I thought she did.

And then she met Xena, and everything changed.

And she's almost a stranger to me now.   I sat at the  well, gathering the water in our parents home, my blue eyes riveted on the bucket, using my girlish strength to bring up the water, in my town dress, with my long brown hair, knowing that I hadn't changed.

I heard laughing, and clomping, and when I looked up, I almost couldn't recognize her.

Her hair was shaggier than I remembered, she wore a short leather skirt, shorter than before, and long boots.  There were metal knives sticking out of them. And her top was nothing more than a leather piece over her chest. She looked amazing.

She looked like an Amazon Queen. A regal warrior who was now one of the legendary heroes in our small country.  Xena walked behind her, leading her horse, and she remained unchanged, with exception to the simple fact that she looked ready to burst with child. And I looked behind her, and my heart stopped.

Leading another horse, in his eyes a beautiful, warm sparkle, was Joxer.

My cheeks burned and I quickly looked back to Gabrielle, wondering what could have happened to my sister that could have caused for another change in outfit, saw the way Joxer was looking at her, the smile, the beautiful smile that he had when he gazed at her body, at her hair, at her smile.

I felt my eyes float down to my dress, it seemed the same dress that I had always worn. My hand went up to my hair, it seemed the same as it always was. My posture was not nearly as regal as hers,and the truth became blatantly clear.

Gabrielle and I were no longer the same.  I was still a girl, and somewhere, she had become more than a woman. She had become an angel.

"Lila!" She said, her voice soft and husky and full of emotion.

I felt my heart jump, and I felt the joy I always felt at seeing her come back, despite the fleeting emotion that had encompassed me.

"Gabrielle." I responded, coming forward, sliding my hands around her bare back and squeezing tight.

Her strength almost caused me to gasp for breath, I felt tears coming to my eyes as they opened and saw Joxer, beautiful Joxer smiling at the scene with a serenity and peace that wasn't for me.

I felt my heart drop, but I smiled at him and at Xena.

"Welcome."

"Lila." Xena came forward, engulfing me in a huge hug.

"oh!" I said, my hand on her stomach. "Something's happened since I saw you last."

And there was a laugh, a nervous laugh that all three of them shared, as Gabrielle shook her head. ”Lila, that's an understatement."

I looked at Joxer, and he smiled, a soft, brotherly smile. "Lila, how are you." He said warmly, embracing me.

I returned the hug desperately, breathing in his scent, awareness filling me at just how much I missed him.

He released me, kissed me once on the cheek and pulled back, going back to the horse.

I felt my hand rise up the place where his lips touched me, felt the place burn as I stared at him.

I felt  a warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up see Gabrielle smiling at me, looking at the same place I was.

"He's mine." She said softly.

I felt myself freeze, my wondrous smile fall from  my face. "He is?"

"Yes, beautiful horse, isn't it?" She squeezed me and  let go, walking to Joxer and the horse, patting the head as the horse nudged her once.

"I'll take care of him, Gabrielle." Joxer said, grabbing the horse's reigns, gently. "Go say hi to your family."

She gave him a smile and nodded, walking back to me, putting an arm around my shoulder, turning me away from Joxer and Xena back to the house.

"I have so much to tell you." She said, laughing, as my eyes were torn from Joxer's face, so full of love as he looked at her retreating form.

I had always known he loved her. I had just thought that someway, somehow I could find a way to change the love, to make him love me instead.

But watching her, as she smiled at the table as the three of them talked, as she smacked Joxer and as Xena and Joxer both looked at her as if she was some kind of perfection incarnate, I knew the truth.

I was looking at a perfect stranger, and the blatant reality was that I was no match against her.  The truth was, I was even now wondering how I ever thought I could be.

It was a long night, as Joxer and Xena were camped outside, and Gabrielle chose to spend the night in my room, to "catch up".

Catch up we did, though it was really just her talking and me listening.  When she was finished, I felt almost as if I was talking to Xena herself. This couldn't be my sister, the warrior, the beautiful woman who had become not only an angel, but was almost Ares' successor to Xena.

The sad thought flitted into my consciousness that if I no  longer knew her, maybe she no longer knew me.

"What about your scrolls?" I asked.

She smiled, a soft smile that seemed filled with a wisdom that made me feel ignorant and stupid.  "I haven't really had time to write." She said, shrugging.

We were quiet as she got up, stretching, and pulling off her boots, putting her knives with a practiced and graceful ease on the table.

"Joxer looks as handsome as ever." I said, with a small blush on my cheeks, my voice purposely light and cheery.

She froze for a moment, and then chuckled. "Yeah, well, Joxer is..... Joxer. He'll never change."

My smile faded as she turned, her green eyes almost translucent as she came toward me.

"About Joxer-" she began.

"He's in love with you." I cut her off quietly.  She stopped,  and her eyes were surprised as she nodded, sitting across from me, taking one of my soft hands in her rougher, coarser, and even though it seemed almost impossible, more feminine ones.

"Lila, I know that you, had a crush on him." She began slowly, with a soft, repentant voice, as if I were going to blame her.

I felt a soft, sad chuckle bubbling up inside of me and I shook my head. A crush. It was more than a crush, Gabrielle, I felt like telling her.  I feel for him what he feels for you, I love him so much, and it's got no strings, except that maybe my heart just might break a little more, when you finally realize what he is.

"No, Gabrielle. It's okay. I kind of always knew."

"You did." She repeated.

I managed a soft, knowing, sisterly grin. "Of course. Everyone knows."

"Everyone?"

I cocked my head, smiling a little. “It’s kind of hard to miss." She looked a little taken aback, her hand released mine and she stood, walking back to her side of the room, shaking her head slightly.

"Do you love him?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

She was quiet, her face strangely closed as  she turned, looking at me. "I don't know." She responded, honestly. "I don't think so."

I swallowed, wondering if she was blatantly lying, wondering how on earth she couldn't love a man who was so tightly knit to her that he had nightmares about her dying, so devoted that he would risk his life to bring her body back to Greece, so courageous that he would tell her he loved her and then expect nothing in return.

How on earth could you NOT love someone like that?

"Are you sure?"

She shrugged. "No." And that was all she said about him, all she allowed herself to say.

I closed my eyes, forcing myself to breathe as I nodded.  Smiling tightly, I gave her a hug.

"Goodnight, Gabrielle. It's nice to see you."

Her beautiful face flitted into a gorgeous grin and she kissed my cheek. "It's great to see YOU." she whispered, hugging me tight.

I nodded, moving away and crawling into my bed.  I heard her crawl into hers, heard her shuffle around, obviously not used to the comfort of one, and I closed my eyes tight.

Maybe someday I would find my own Xena, my own horse. I would forge my own destiny and follow my own greatness.

Perhaps one day I would follow through on my dream to be more like the woman that used to be my sister, to find a man, to find my own Joxer, who would love me as unconditionally as he loved Gabrielle.

Then maybe I wouldn't do what Gabrielle did, would not look right through the  precious gift that was right in front of her. I would love him and cherish him, and kiss those sweet lips and gaze into those dark eyes and know that I would thank the gods for him always.

But even then I knew it would not be enough.  Because no matter how many destinies I wanted, how much of a life I forged for myself, I would look back and I would remember that the only Joxer I wanted was the one whose heart was held so tightly by my unknowing sister.

The thought entered that maybe I could make him love me, but I knew that even  if I did, even just a little bit, one night, when we were asleep, after consummating our marriage bed, and I would smile, watching him sleep, I would touch him, and I would see him smile, and I knew, that one day, I would hear, "Gabrielle" mumble from those perfect lips.

And I  knew that then, my heart would break twice what it was now, I knew, that then, I  would truly die.

I whimpered, closing my eyes against such images, forcing myself not to think at all.

"Lila." There was a soft whisper, and I turned my head to see my sister, with her perfect body and her beautiful face, full of kindness and hard won valor, a soft pout on the pink lips, a look of concern in the glistening eyes.

"Yes." I croaked, with my average voice and my average body, with my normal clothes and clumsy movements.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I responded, turning away, burying myself in my blankets, praying that this nightmare would be over and the sister I would always love and barely knew would go away, just go away and leave me to my own world, where I could at least try to be satisfied, where I could try to forget that the only man I ever truly wanted was forever going to be hers, even if she didn't want him.

"I'm your sister, Lila." Came the response.  "Come on, you can tell me anything."

"It's nothing, Gabrielle." I responded, shutting my eyes tight, turning my head in my pillow and mumbling the words so that only I could understand what I was saying through the tears that slid searing hot down my face. And I told the perfect stranger,  "It's just, I'm the fool in love with the fool, who's still  in love with you."