Nothing Else Matters

Nothing Else Matters
A Lyrics Challenge Story
by Melissa Flores
Summary : Alone, and desolate, Aphrodite descends into the underworld to pick out another diamond in the rough, a companion, and a hope for the future.
Genre: Gabrielle/Joxer, Aphrodite
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Motherhood, Season Five
Notes: For the Lyrics Challenge. Special thanks to Heather for the lyrics, and especially to the Bella Mafia and the Angst Grrls for putting up with my recent bout of Michelle Yeoh and Crouching Tiger obsession. DUDE, GO SEE THAT MOVIE!
Basically I'm still nursing the wounds Motherhood afflicted on me, especially with the treatment of Gabrielle, Joxer, and my girl Aphrodite. So umm... there you go. ;-)
~*~
Nothing Else Matters by Metallica
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And Nothing Else Matters
Never opened myself with way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And Nothing Else Matters
Trust I seek, and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And Nothing Else Matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And Nothing Else Matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
I never opened myself this way
Life is ours we live it our way, hey
All these words I don't just say
And Nothing Else Matters
Trust I seek, and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And Nothing Else Matters
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know (yeah)
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No Nothing Else Matters
~*~
It was a shattering stillness.
There was a deep, dark seeping stillness that shattered her soul, made her shiver, close her eyes, and for once, the Love Goddess knew true fear, true loneliness.
Arms wrapped around her bare shoulders, the black chiffon blew in willowy tufts around her body slid across the soft, tangible skin as she walked, and she paused once to shiver in fear, in dread.
Her brother's lair was chaos. And it was ending. It was all ending so quickly.
Aphrodite had never known fear. She had never known loneliness. In some way, she had never known corruption, for in her mind there had been the simple knowledge that to her, to all of them, all of her little ventures, had all been child's play. God's were known to be petty and cruel, fickle and careless.
She had been one of them. They had been her family.
And now the darkness that surrounded her, encompassed her, seemed all that was left of her family.
She had betrayed them for one of the few friends she had known. One of the few souls that truly accepted her, understood her... loved her.
She had become a traitor, and now she was shunned, the one remaining high goddess, in the midst of a world where she was now a thing of a past. There was no worship, only hate... love was reserved for Xena: Warrior Princess, and the hope she had nurtured for the bard's love to aid her had been pushed back to the darkest, most hidden corner of Gabrielle's heart.
Aphrodite had never felt so betrayed than the moment Gabrielle told Eve that Joxer was at peace.
She had been lying. Gabrielle had been lying. Once more, Gabrielle had let her blind devotion to her best friend, the friend who had cost her everything, even herself, even the one true love that Gabrielle herself had realized but never truly admitted, completely dominate her.
She accepted Eve, but she had never accepted her love for Joxer.
And in rejecting Joxer's sacrifice and Joxer's love, Aphrodite knew she had rejected her as well.
She had never cared before. It wouldn't have bothered her. It wouldn't have seared her heart and make her tremble, it wouldn't have made her lose the faith that she so desperately needed.
But she was completely alone. She was widowed, powerless in her own Godhood, and completely, and utterly alone.
Perhaps it was the knowledge that there was another being in this earth who possibly felt the same way that made her venture into the darkness she had always so desperately avoided. Perhaps it was the spasm of a love not quite so unrequited, but so terribly tragic, a love so poised for something spectular, that crashed down into a sacrifice that seemed to mean nothing.
It was to be her greatest honor.
It became her greatest failure.
Her pale, slender legs stepped over the stones, gliding over the black river, ignoring the chaos that surrounded her. It was her beating heart that led her directly to her destination, without wavering.
He had suffered enough. Tarturus was dying, and she needed to save at least one soul before it perished completely. She would at least do that.
He was the only one left worth saving.
And her hand pushed aside the vines, stopping in the darkest hole in the darkest corner, pausing to view a gentle young soul sitting silent only a rock, back facing her, hands folded in his laps, the chains weighing heavily, clanking on his feet and his arms.
A swallow, and a sigh, and Aphrodite stepped further into the hell, sliding around him, kneeling down in front of the unseeing man, lost in the memories of a world that was gone to them both.
"Joxer," she whispered, hands stealing up to cover his own.
The dark brown orbs fluttered lightly, the young face that had returned to the owner seemed unseeing, and biting her lip, the Goddess of Love took the ax of Heaphestus, of her late husband, and sliced through the bonds.
They had no power now, for their Lord was dead.
Without another second wasted, she leaned up, taking the ambrosia from the pack in her purse and gently putting it to his lips. She waited, looking into the saddened, pale, unseeing soul's face, before reaching up, massaging his lips with her own, her godly life-force flowing into him.
It was slow, but her senses felt the tingling, the warmth that seeped through him, and though her eyes were closed, she could feel his eyelashes fluttering open, the deep breath of air that he no longer needed.
And she swallowed, pulling away to find Joxer, the young man who had been doomed to an eternity in the bowels of Hades, blinking away, color now on his cheeks, eyes bright with life.
"Am I... am... Aphrodite?"
A tired smile floated on a face marred with tears, and Aphrodite squeezed his hands, barely containing her saddened emotions before replying, "Hey studmuffin."
And his eyes blinked the tears away, looking around his surroundings, shaking gently as she pulled off the chains, looking around at the pit that had held him captive.
"Am... am I dead?"
"No," she answered.
"I'm alive them?"
There was no answer, but when he looked at her, she merely cocked her head, eyes filling with unshed tears before she turned away.
"Come on," she whispered, taking a trembling hand in her own and pulling him gently. "Let's get out of here. I'll explain when we're out."
He stumbled, blinking away the horrors, and Aphrodite stumbled with him, arms sliding around his waist and pulling him with her.
It had been Athena's idea to punish Joxer. To steal him away from the reincarnation he was slated for and punish him in Tartarus. Aphrodite had objected, but fearful from the knowledge of the impending twilight, lost in the death of her father, and the brothers and sisters around her, torn from losing the slain Joxer, and aching from Gabrielle's stubborn denial, she had instead vowed to save Gabrielle from the same faith.
She could do nothing but watch as Joxer had been sentenced by Hades to the worst possible punishment : he was simply to watch. Watch and do nothing as the furies attacked his beloved Gabrielle. Writhe in agony as Xena sliced Gabrielle's head open with a chakram. Watch as Gabrielle was dragged through the mud.
The dead could hear the living's thoughts.
But Gabrielle had not thought of him. She had pushed him aside in an effort to try and stay away from the pain.
And in the utter stillness, he had been completely alone.
Aphrodite guided him, keeping the young soul hidden, moving up with him until suddenly they emerged in a great green field.
He sank to the grass, hands sliding over the green leaves, and she watched with a closed throat, arms around her shoulders, watching his fascination with the green petals, never noticing the now royal robes he wore, the way his hair and skin shone like never before.
She waited until he paused, until he looked up, until the first words out of his mouth were, "Where's Gabrielle?"
And she bit her lip, and she smiled grimly, and she pointed.
He turned, and suddenly they were there, in the camp, Gabrielle sitting with Eve, with Xena.
"Gabrielle!" he began to run, but she caught his arm, holding him back.
When he shook her off angrily, she merely replied, "They can't hear you."
"Why?"
"Because you're a spirit, Joxer. You're an in-between."
He blinked, hands clenching in and out of fists, looking back to the Gabrielle he had loved with so much devotion.
"I... is this some sort of new hell?" he whispered hoarsely. "To watch her... to watch them and not..."
"NO," Aphrodite whispered fiercely, coming forward and watching with him. "A gift, Joxer. From my heart."
And his dark eyes darkened even more as his head swiveled to her. "A gift?"
"For me and for you."
"Dite what are you talking about?" he whispered hoarsely. "How is this a gift. I can't even BE with-"
"Joxer..." she interrupted quietly, eyes locked with his as she sat, seemingly in thin air. "You've been watching, haven't you?"
He swallowed, as if for the first time he seemed to see the tired eyes, the black clothes of mourning, the grief stricken lines on her face that never seemed to be there before.
"Yeah," he answered hoarsely. "I... I'm sorry."
And the tears burst into her eyes, no matter how much she tried to squelch them. "No matter where you are, Joxer. You don't change." She swallowed, biting her lip, regaining her composure. "You know you're the first person that's said that to me since he died? Since they died?"
He swallowed, looking towards Gabrielle, who was sitting slightly apart from Eve and Xena, a slightly distant look on her face.
"They didn't...She didn't..."
"She has a life to live, Joxer. She has things she feels she has to deal with him, and the other things, the things she can't deal with yet... she's pushed away. One of them is love. I've never opened up the way I did with her. But in her guilt, she's pushed it away."
Joxer swallowed. "And me?"
"She's pushed your memory away too Joxer. She doesn't think about you, because the last time she did, it drove her mad."
"I...I'm a ghost to her then," he whispered, eyes suddenly floating down to his hands, lighting up in realization. "I'm... I'm not real."
"You're not a ghost, Joxer," Aphrodite answered, standing up, looking toward the group huddled on the camp, at the child who had killed her husband. "You're a spirit. In a way much like I am. But you have a choice. A choice that I don't have. A choice that I can give."
He blinked, unsure, looking down at the richness in his clothes, the clumsiness gone in his wonder at the new splendidness of his features, his body. "What choice?"
"Who you are, Joxer. In who you are is the hope. For me. For this world. Nothing else matters."
He looked slightly confused, but she continued, the Love Goddess never looking more serious, more earnest than she did now. "It's a sucky world when all you believe in is dead Joxer. But you're not. And ... there's a way you can come back to this reality. Make some of this right."
"What?"
"Wait. Wait for Gabrielle to remember you. To be ready to deal with you, with your memory. I don't know how long as it takes. But when you become real to her, then you will become real to yourself."
He looked down at his shimmering body. "You fed me ambrosia."
She offered him a rueful smile. "Yes I did. And until that time comes, Joxer you'll stay with me. As a God, as a spirit. We have no power. But we have faith. And each other."
He swallowed, gazing down at the Love goddess with the sad eyes, turning to view the love of his life, who carried a hard glint, a hardness in her features, a sadness that should have never belonged on the bard's face.
"I'm so close to her," he whispered. "So close... but so far..."
"No matter how far," Aphrodite answered, "she loves you, Joxer."
He swallowed, and she smiled sadly. "Maybe in admitting that, she can gain a little bit of herself back in the process."
"Do you think she... you think she'll ... admit it?"
"She's stubborn. Even I know that. And she's blind in her love for Xena. That kind of love is dangerous. It's going to drive her insane one of these days. The little bard can't handle things like this forever. Xena can't let her."
"What can we do?"
"Wait. Wait it out, Joxie. What else can we do? I've got nothing but time. And now, so do you."
"Then I'll wait," he replied fervently.
Aphrodite stared at the dark haired young man, eyes so full of love and devotion and utter faith, and she felt her heart tremor, a tired smile emerge on her beautiful lips.
"For what?"
"Hope."
And she smiled, slipping a hand into his, entwining her fingers and squeezing lightly.
In him was the future. In his love, in his gorgeous dark eyes, and in his faith and love for Gabrielle, a yearning, a knowledge that almost went past even her. It slid through her tired body, into her fractured mind, and the numbness, the heartache, the hopelessness that should have never been in the Goddess of Love's heart edged away just a bit. It wasn't nearly enough to make the pain stuff.
But it was enough. Enough to go on. To keep existing.
Her head fell to his shoulders, watching as the bard seemed to shiver, as she rubbed at her arms and in a glimpse where she thought neither Xena nor Eve was watching, let a sadness flicker into her eyes that Aphrodite knew was for a love gone too soon, ripped away because the bard had waited too long. Years too long.
"Oh, Joxer," the goddess whispered. "If that's what you believe, then nothing else matters. Nothing."
FIN