Teaser: SAware of Sydney and Marina's 'break-up', Shane decides it's time to take matters into her own hands.
Series: Nothing to Write Home About, Story VIII
Crossover: Alias/The L Word
Characters: Shane, Sydney, Marina, the LWord Pusse

Notes: It's important to know that a vast majority of Shane's backstory has been gleaned (with permission)from happyminion's story Definitive. It's not a long story, and definately worth the read. Because it rocks, and because it's got Lex Luthor in it. You should read it. You don't have to, but you totally should.

--

Shane had a secret.

Granted, Shane had a lot of secrets. They tended to gravitate toward her. She wasn't sure what it was about her that kinda flung them in her lap. Maybe it was because she didn't talk much. Maybe because she was already hiding one so big that all of the rest didn't seem to matter.

Still, Shane and her secrets never seemed to weigh on her like they did other people. They existed, they were there, and even as dark as her past had been, as low as she had gone, she wasn't ashamed of it. Well, not the broody kind of shame that some people had, like that stupid vampire show Alice couldn't get enough of. It wasn't an in-your-face kind of shame, more like... regret.

But even now, she couldn't imagine her life turning out any different. Not if she stayed true to who she really was, and fuck - if there was one thing Shane was about, it was staying true to who the hell she really was.

She spent so much of her life being completely confused about that.

Still, this secret wasn't really hers, more like she had become obligated to keep, and it was different and weird, to hold it inside her. While she and Marina were very good friends, it wasn't exactly obvious, not to the people who didn't pay attention. Even if Alice knew that Marina and Shane had a thing, she didn't focus on it, only knew that Shane always knew things she didn't.

But Shane always knew things. So it didn't make much of a difference.

Still - there was a difference between knowing secrets and being actively involved in doing anything about them. People's secrets were their business, and while Shane had absolutely no problem with keeping their secrets, it was quite another thing to actually be a part of that.

Now, she was fucking keeping secrets from everyone. There was Cherie, and the fabulous sex, and she was a part of that. She was in that. Cherie was HER business, and her secret to keep. Even if Alice and Dana and everyone else knew, Cherie's husband sure as fuck didn't know, and that made it a problem.

And the Syd and Marina thing was just...

Fuck. It wasn't her business. She had found out by default, and really it was their fucking secret, not hers. Marina, more than anyone, valued her privacy, and Shane knew better than to fuck around with that.

But it was Marina, hidden behind her reserve and behind Francesca, and that kinda put up a bit of a wall that Dana and Alice couldn't understand - that Bette wouldn't understand and Tina just wasn't in any shape to.

Shane had a lot of things happening for her, but her friends were all she had, and she knew that if anyone was going to give a fuck about Marina - it would have to be her.

Marina was damned good at hiding behind her masks, and it was only when she and Fran had actually had that little spat in front of them that Shane began to realize how bad it was.

They would have never done that before. Not in public. Marina and Francesca... fuck, she didn't know what that relationship was, but they believed in perfection. The perfect image. The perfect façade.

That was sure as fuck not perfect.

And the rumors started with, of course, Alice.

"They broke up," she stated, one day over coffee.

"Who broke up?" Shane asked, slipping into the seat with her small shot of expresso, wincing as the caffeine surged through her.

"Sydney and Marina," Alice clarified.

Dana blinked, picking apart her new hair before she glanced at Shane. "Were they even together?"

"Yeah, I thought they had stopped the sex and were just gonna... you know," Shane wiggled her fingers, wonderfully casual despite the husky betrayal of concern in her tone. "Do the friend thing, since Fran came back."

"Yeah, well, obviously someone broke the rules." Leaning forward, Alice was in her element, a conspiratory whisper coming out. "Debbie told me she saw them fighting in the Abbey."

Immediately, Shane glance shifted to Marina, but her friend was lost in her work, leaning over the counter as she handed her customer her coffee.

"Shit, was that last night?" Dana asked, eyes widening.

Alice nodded. "Sydney was trying to convince Marina to dump Fran or something. From what I hear, Francesca was NOT pleased."

"Fuck." The outburst came out before she had a chance to stop it. Alice and Dana both threw her curious glances. Shane just shrugged. "Look you guys, really? Is it any of our business?"

She really didn't know why she bothered trying that - her friends thought everything was their business, and Shane did appreciate that. Cause Alice was always there if you needed a shoulder to cry on, and Dana was just so damned cute and loyal, and Bette and Tina - they were like mother hens fluttering around.

But Marina had this way about her - this image that was just so fucking strong, and really, had it not been for the fact that Shane had met someone like her before, knew about the wounds that festered and shit beneath the surface, she might have been fooled by it.

It wasn't her business.

No one asked her to get involved.

She fucking did it anyway.

--

"So you gonna tell me what happened?"

Shane was never one to beat about the bush. She was all about discretion, but with Marina and her, it was different. If it was one thing they were, it was honest - at least when they weren't lying to themselves.

It had been hard to have this conversation. Marina was only Marina when Francesca was out of town, and when she wasn't, she wasn't her own person. She was Marina & Francesca. To be honest, Fran tended to scare the shit out of her. She was nice, she was cute, she knew how to show Marina a good time, but fuck up with Marina's sugar-mama and the woman could flay you alive.

That was complicated, and Shane was not into complications. Lately, however, it seemed unavoidable. With Cherie and Bette and Tina, and now Marina and Sydney - her friends were a tangle of complications.

Now, Francesca was elsewhere and Marina was Marina again, but not quite. It was the first night in two weeks they had made it into her dark office, and for ten minutes, neither had had much of anything to say.

Marina, settled back against the chair with a deceptive casual glance and Shane could see the wheels turning in her head, whether or not she would deliberately misunderstand, avoid the question altogether, or be perfectly frank.

It was with some relief when Shane heard her say, "We had a fight. Isn't it obvious?"

"To everyone in West Hollywood," Shane confirmed. "What I was kinda wondering was why."

Marina managed a bitter smile, glanced away, and suddenly mentioned Francesca before she was out of the chair and out the door.

That was it.

That was the entire conversation, but it was implicitly stated that Sydney and Marina had, for all intents and purposes, broken up.

The problem with this was pretty basic.

Alice and Dana didn’t care much. Marina had gone through something similar with Jenny Schector, and although Dana was careful not to mention her ill-conceived night of 'passion' with Jenny, everyone knew that whatever it was that happened between them was pretty much over, despite the lingering feelings Shane suspected Marina had.

They more than likely assumed that the same had happened with Sydney.

But Sydney wasn't a jilted lover, and this was more than just a love affair gone horribly wrong.

Shane had seen it - she had seen it in the looks, in the way Sydney and Marina touched and smiled and couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

She sometimes STILL wondered if they weren't really fucking, and she knew better.

It was like they had gotten their first real taste of family, and as starved as Shane was for it when she first realized it was what she had with Alice and Dana and Bette and Tina, she knew how scared she would have been if they just took that away.

It wasn't her business. It wasn't her fucking business, and she fucking got involved anyway.

--

"Lex Luthor's office."

She couldn't stop the grin, small and almost naughty, standing on the curb outside of Lather, black sunglasses blocking the sun.

"Yeah, is he available to take a call?"

"Mr. Luthor is in a meeting, may I ask who's calling?"

Shane considered, hands stuffed into her pockets, and with a curious thump of her heart, she said, "Tell him it's his hairstylist, Jake."

If she had surprised Lex's assistant, the woman was professional enough not to admit it. Instead, there was a pause before Shane heard a polite, "Just a moment," and the sound of Phil Collins blasted into Shane's ear, causing her to wince and pull the receiver a full two inches away.

Thankfully, she only had to wait through another chorus of 'You'll Be In My Heart' before the line clicked and a familiar voice wafted smoothly on the line. "Jake?"

"Shane," Shane corrected. "It got your attention, didn't it?"

His voice was warm, sincerely happy to hear from her, and it made her smile, slightly ridiculous when contrasted with her cool, passive look. "I don't ever want to hear from Jake again. I much prefer the company of Shane."

She grinned wider. "Yeah, me too."

He quieted, offered a moment for that to sink in, before he said, "It's good to hear from you. How've you been?"

Shane considered, standing in the sunlight on the corner of a busy Los Angeles street, waiting for Cherie, with money in her pocket, and a peculiar glow inside her. "Pretty damned good, man. Might be getting my own shop soon."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Maybe I can take you on as a client."

That amused him, and she loved that she could fuck with him about his big bald head. "We'll see about that. What can I help you with?"

Always to the point. Shane never got the feeling she was dismissed, even with her own personal millionaire guardian angel. "You got resources, right?"

"Quite a few."

Shane grinned. "Yeah, man. I need you to look someone up for me."

--

"Interesting person you've decided to stalk," he had told her, warm amusement in his tone the day she heard back.

"Yeah," she had responded. "I figured."

What Lex had been able to find out, with his network of spies an informants, was minimal, but it was enough to garner HIS interest, especially when something else peeked out of his bribed government agents: Rambaldi.

Personally, Shane didn't give a shit about prophecies and destinies, but she knew it was Lex's thing, so she tolerated his hour long lecture on who Rambaldi was and why Sydney's involvement was so mega interesting.

He sounded genuinely excited, and for that, she was almost grateful. Shane wasn't big on favors with anyone, and the fact that Lex seemed to take as much fascination with Sydney Bristow as she had, seemed to make it less of a request and more of a project.

He probably wasn't going to let this go, and Shane worried briefly about that. The more he knew about Sydney, the more he found out about her family, and the last thing Shane wanted was to out Marina in her quest to fix this shit.

"Lex," she began, tongue thick in her mouth as she licked her lips, tried to form her words. "This is my friend."

She wanted more than anything to see his face, make sure her guardian angel was sincere when he responded after a beat, "Then she should consider herself lucky. It's just theoretical fascination, Shane, nothing more. I promise I won't be putting a government agent in a lab anytime soon."

In her withered, beaten down truck, she waited on the corner, studying Sydney's neighborhood, glancing from house to house.

It was your typically sheltered suburb, with Lexus and BMWs in the driveways and guys who obviously did not live there mowing down the lawns.

Sydney wasn't home, and Shane, in her leather pants and flimsy tight white tank top, didn't exactly fit in, what with the way the neighbors kept looking at her, passing by with their pure-bred poodles and Labradors and golden retrievers.

She had retreated to her truck, had been there for more than an hour, keeping the windows rolled down, checking her watch, and studying Sydney's apartment, before her head fell back against the car head cushion and she zonked out.

She woke up to a gun in her face.

For a millisecond, all she could do was stare at it, before her mind caught up with her eyes, and registered what the hell it was that was two inches from her face, and suddenly she managed an "Oh shit" before she scrambled back, slammed her head against the back of her truck, and nearly fell back on the seat.

"Shane?"

Shane blinked, fighting off the woozy blanket of sleep-induced cloud over her mind, trying to register the name and the voice calling to her from just outside her truck.

"Oh, hey! Syd!"

Sydney Bristow lowered the gun, looking positively furious as she stepped back, and reached in with her free hand to unlock Shane's door. "What are you doing here?!"

Shane ran her hands through her hair, pushing up to a sitting position, swinging her legs over to the now-open car door.

"Just um... you know - waiting for you."

Sydney stared at her, as if trying to use that to make any sort of sense of the situation, before the gun disappeared beneath her blazer. "Do you realize that right now CIA Agents are tracking your car to see if you have any outstanding warrants? That someone was coming over to arrest you?"

Shane glanced around, more surprised than suspicious. "Really? Fuck - remind me never to stalk a Federal Agent."

Sydney rolled her eyes, stepping away from the truck to allow Shane to slide out of it. "It's okay," she said to no-one in particular. "She's a friend of mine." Shane quirked an eyebrow, watching as Sydney seemed to have an argument with the thin air. "No, she doesn't know- I know - Vaughn, I'm not talking about this out here-"

With that, she gave a short smile to Shane, tight and annoyed. "Was there a reason why you've spent that last five hours parked on my block?"

Shane shrugged. "I didn't have your phone number."

Sydney blinked. "Right."

"Can we talk?"

Sydney hesitated, and Shane waited, leaning back against her truck while Marina's cousin glanced furtively around her street, probably calculating which nosy ass neighbors had their faces pressed against the windows, staring at the cute girl-next-door and the obvious rocker dyke.

"Maybe we should go inside," Sydney said, nodding toward her place.

Shane nodded, lips pressed together as she pulled off the sunglasses she no longer needed. "Sure."

--

"Nice place," she said, shoes clomping on the wooden carpet, feeling slightly uncomfortable in Sydney's perfect little living room, that looked anything but lived in.

"So... how did you manage to find it?" Sydney asked, dumping her keys on the counter and coming around with a bottle of brandy.

"Thanks," Shane said, taking the drink Sydney poured for her, bringing it to her lips. "Called a friend. Asked a favor."

Marina had obviously never been here, because Sydney still looked confused at the vague answer.

But she didn't ask questions, instead moved to the couch, settling down onto it and waited for Shane to follow.

She knew that look. It was a 'get to the fucking point' look, and Shane was only too happy to comply. She wasn't exactly used to this.

"Allright," she said, putting the drink on the coffee table, ignoring when Sydney quickly slid a coaster underneath it. "Uh... I know you and Marina had a fight." The magic word. At the mention of her cousin's name, Sydney sat up, straight as a board, mouth opening in a harried breath and eyes shifting to the other side of the apartment. It wasn't the most encouraging of signs. At least Marina had been somewhat passive about the whole thing. "I just... I wanted to see if you guys can work it out."

"Did she ask you to come?" Sydney clipped, tone cold now, harder than it had been a few minutes ago.

"No," Shane said immediately, reaching over automatically to appease her with a stroke of her arm, moving back just as quickly when Sydney's eyes rested on the skin contact. "She doesn't even know I'm here. She'd probably kill me if she did," she added thoughtfully.

Sydney's palm pressed to her mouth, as if she was physically trying to stop herself from saying anything else. "Listen, Shane," she began, when her hand finally came down. "I don't mean to be rude, but it's really not any of your busine-"

"I know," Shane said quickly, shifting in her leather pants on the seat, palms now kneaded at her thighs in agitation. "I know it's none of my business, but I just... I know Marina, and I... she's not gonna call." Sydney looked away. "If that's what you're waiting for," Shane finished. "She's just... not like that..."

The spy rose abruptly, the shift in weight and flush of air making Shane remarkably cold.

"Shane, I don't think me and Marina can continue our... whatever the hell it was," Sydney's smile was tight, polite. "And I really do want to thank you for your concern but-"

"No, no that's bullshit," Shane answered, rising up after her. "Look, Sydney - I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, okay? I don't. I'm just... I know what it's like to lose your family and-"

"We were barely friends."

"I don't think Marina believed that."

Sydney stared at her, hard and intense, in a mimic of the look Shane had seen her give Marina so often. It was intense. Large brown eyes, full lips, sharp features on silky skin.

God, Sydney really was beautiful.

It was enough to shake her for a second, before Sydney broke the glance, pacing back and forth on the carpet before coming back to stand in front of Shane.

"Is she still with Francesca the bitch?"

Oh.

Shane sank down onto the couch, nearly put her booted foot up on the coffee table before she thought better of it, and set it down. "Far as I know."

Sydney muttered something under her breath, shrugged her shoulders, kept her head down. "I can't, Shane, I'm sorry. I know you're asking me to go to her, to ask for forgiveness-"

"No, I never said that." Sydney's head snapped up from her chest, her eyes widening in surprise. "Look - I'm just saying, you can't let her push you out. She's really fucking good at that, and ... you got to her."

Sydney spotted Shane's untouched drink, and suddenly was at her side, taking it from the coffeetable and glancing at her. "Do you mind?"

"Be my guest."

The secret agent nearly swigged it, eyes shutting in a wince from the alcohol. It took her a moment to recover, and when she did, her body had nearly sagged from the invisible weight she was under, collapsing against the couch, head tilted back, arm brushing Shane's.

"There are things," she began in a tight whisper. "In this world, that are complicated. There are things in this world that simple. I can believe in either. I can believe in good. I can believe in evil. I can even believe a person thinking they're being good when they're being evil. I just can't... grasp - amorality."

"You want things defined."

Her head shifted, eyes met hers. "Is that so wrong?"

Shane considered, kept her eyes on Sydney's, inches away as she spoke in a low tone. "Just because someone doesn't show emotion doesn't mean they don't feel it."

Sydney's eyes closed, eyelashes brushing against her cheeks as a moist tear suddenly appeared, slowly brimming from her eyes, gathering in the corner.

Shane hated when women cried, but she didn't move. She let Sydney cry, because it was the right thing to do.

"Look," she said, watching as the tears slid down slowly, while Sydney made no sound, no movement. "I don't know much about your family - your mom. I mean, I know what Marina told me, but - hell - Marina doesn't say much. What I do know - sometimes, all it takes, is one person to make a difference. To save you."

Sydney chuckled morbidly. "I don't think Marina could save me now."

"No, but I think you could save Marina." Sydney's eyes opened, wide and sparkling, and Shane grinned. "You already save the world on a daily, what's one more?"

"Shane..."

Shane settled back, glanced around at Sydney's place, from the picture frames in the corner of people she didn't know, to the little teddy bear resting on the chair beside them.

"Can I tell you something?"

Beside her, she felt the brush of skin against skin, Sydney shifting against her. "Sure."

She had no idea why the fuck she was about to say this. Why she even thought Sydney cared.

"Look, no one knows about this, okay? Not Alice or Dana, not even Marina, okay?"

A small pause, then, "Okay."

"I've- had a really fucked up life. Not that it's a surprise, I know," she said quickly, smoothing hands along her pants with a grimace, "But... it was - I was... I ran away from home and... things got pretty shitty." She wondered if the story she was telling was the truth. She had made it through her life telling so many lies that the truth sometimes got buried, sunken into Shane's mind like a memory of an old television show she used to watch but couldn't quite remember. "I used to do some pretty..." her eyes flickered, and suddenly she was there, in an alley, buried against the wall, bleeding with cum and blood in her mouth, head slamming against the brick- "I was fucked up. And I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't... if I hadn't gotten me a Sydney."

Sydney was quiet beside her, and when she spoke, she had to clear her throat to get it to work properly. "Who- who was she?"

Shane couldn't help the smile. "His name was Lex."

"A guy?!"

Shane grinned. "Yeah, a guy. It wasn’t a sexual thing, Syd. It was... I didn't want him to help me, and he did, and fuck- he helped me be free. Just by being him. Just by... taking me in and for once not questioning who I was or why I did the fucked up things I did. He just... understood and helped..."

Sydney's eyes darkened, glanced away, blush tingeing her cheeks.

Shane sighed. "I just think... that having you in Marina's life... she's happy with you."

Sydney's smile faded, eyes slid down to her tangled hands. "My mother was a KGB agent who lied to my father for ten years before she faked her death and left the country. She's killed countless people, and three years ago, she just came back. Said she'd changed, for months. And I believed her." Shane was silent, eyes on Sydney's moistening eyes. "And then one day she betrayed me and betrayed Dad for a stupid prophecy that..." she lost her voice, mouth trembling slightly as a tear fell. "Just... meant shit, and so much happened, and then she gave me Marina, and I thought FINALLY, you know? FINALLY, here's proof that she loves me, because Marina understands, Marina's just like me, and she's NOT. She's like them! And I want to ask my mother why she would send me to someone like her - and she's not here. She's not anywhere. She's disappeared and I'm just so confused..."

"Fuck, come here..." Sydney buried into Shane's arms, wrapping palms around her torso, sobbing into the cheap white of Shane's shirt. The wetness seeped into her skin, but Shane really could have given a damn.

She held her, kept her chin buried against Sydney's cheek, let the United States secret agent cry in her arms. There was loneliness in that sob, and Shane felt the caginess inside her, chest tightening with panic.

She wasn't good with girls who cried. She never knew what to do. And holding Sydney was the right thing to do, but she was so fucking sad...

When Sydney's head came off her chest, Shane didn't think. Immediately her palms slipped against her cheek, and her mouth settled softly on hers.

It was slow, gentle, and didn't last long at all. Shane's kiss, however, had managed to make Sydney go completely still.

It would have been funny, had Shane not instantly felt the prickle of self-doubt, and dismissed it for a smile.

"Sorry," she said, arms dropping to her sides. "It just looked like you needed that."

Sydney's mouth was open, her eyes were wide, and her face had grown entirely pale. But she managed to recover, pushing off Shane's lap and wiping frantically at her face. "It's okay," she said after a moment, flashing an uncomfortable smile. "I think I did."

Marina's cousin was a sweet girl. Shane kept her place, let Sydney move back, go through the typical straight girl motions of trying to figure out how to act now that a sisterly moment had turned suddenly weird.

"I'm not gay," Sydney said suddenly.

Shane couldn't help her smile. "I'm not free," she responded. Sydney's eyes narrowed in wonder, and she elaborated, "Seeing someone. Like I said, just..."

"Thought I needed it." Sydney smiled back, shakier, sweeter. "Yeah... Sorry, I just... I've never... been kissed by a girl."

Shane shrugged, allowing a wide smile. "Well, if it helps, I get mistaken for a guy a lot."

Sydney's jaw dropped. "No way!"

"Way," Shane responded. "I used to be really good at it."

"But you're too pretty!" she blurted, and suddenly flushed again, looking away and scooting further to the far end of the couch.

Shane couldn't stop her chuckle. "Thank you."

There was a beat of silence, before Shane realized that Sydney was probably too rattled to do anymore talking. She was already on the other side of the couch, a good five feet away.

"I should go," she said, pushing off the couch and reaching for her keys. "But uh... can you at least think about what I said? You know - about Marina..."

"Oh..."

"She loves you, you know," Shane responded. "You're probably like, the best thing in her life right now."

Sydney looked up, absurdly young on her place on the couch. "I'm thinking that might be you."

She blushed again, Shane smiled again, shaking her head. Marina and Sydney's life was full of false appearances. Everyone thought they were fucking, but Shane knew better. Sydney could have been flirting, but Shane knew better.

It was because she knew better that it meant something.

"Thanks. I better go... sorry about the..." she pointed to her lips, saw Sydney flush again, and headed for the door.

"Shane."

"Yeah," she said, turning back to encounter Sydney coming forward. "I'm sorry I got weird... you really are an amazing friend." Shane shrugged, about to respond when Sydney continued, "And I just... thanks."

"Just think about it, okay?" she said softly.

"I will."

There were no promises, but it was something. An implicit hope.

For that, Shane thought it might have been worth it. The door opened, and Shane stepped forward.

"Oh," she said, stopping and turning back. "If you and Marina do make up? Can you not tell her about the ... you know - the kiss?" Sydney blinked. "Cause she'd kill me for macking on her cousin."

And with that, she closed the door, and walked down the stairs, to her truck.

--

"What are you writing?"

Marina glanced up, found her lover hovering on the other side of her desk, impatient glare on her face.

"A letter."

"God, Marina, are you writing to your mother again?" Francesca's features tightened with annoyance. "She hasn't answered in the last year. How do you even know she's alive?"

Marina glanced down, saw her fingers poised with the pen over the white paper. "I know."

"Whatever. You always were a fan of lost causes. Come on, let's go home. You can finish that later."

A small spark, a sputter of anger flashed through Marina, and she kept her seat. "I'll see you there."

Francesca's eyes were like molten lead, and Marina knew how she thought, knew that at the moment Francesca was wondering if this act of defiance was worth her trouble, worth the verbal argument that would come forth.

Finally, her girlfriend rose to her full height, stepping back toward the office door. "Just keep waiting for your family to rescue you, Marina. It's silly and foolish. They don't give a damn about you - I'm your only family. I'm your only savior. It'd be smart to remember that."

She was ready to retort, ready to say anything to counter Francesca's remarks, but she had nothing.

Her mother had not answered in over a year, had been in Los Angeles and had not bothered to tell her she was in town.

Had been there to save Sydney, not her.

Marina glanced down at her letter, retraced the greeting with her fingertips, smudging the ink.

Dear Sydney-

I wanted to say I was sorry, but I had no words

Without another thought, she crumpled the paper, let it drop in the wastebasket beside the desk.

Five seconds later, the office light was off, and Marina was with Francesca.

FIN