Nothing to Write Home About: Bad Habit

Would you believe me if I said
I'm tired of this?
Well here we go now one more time
-- Lifehouse - Sick Cycle Carousel

Maggie had never really fit.

She had been okay with that. Resigned to it, really. She never really belonged anywhere, and even in Pine Valley, she had tried to run away so many times, nearly succeeded each time. But Bianca was always there, to pull her back, making her feel safe and loved, and nearly pissing Maggie off with her innate ability to be so fucking wonderful and clueless at the exact same time.

Bianca had never failed to bring out the extremes in her. Her absolute loyalty, her absolute love. Her best traits, coupled with her worst: her avoidance, her penchant for panic, for denial, for petty jealousy and lashing out.

Bianca knew her at her worst, and had still loved her, and there was a security in that, and a danger, because no matter how Maggie tried hard to fight the emotion, she couldn't help but need Bianca.

Now, she was faced with the reality: that there was a hit out on Bianca, that they had been assured by Sydney and her friends that they wouldn't stop until Bianca was dead. That Miranda was still in those people's hands, and that they had left her alive because she hadn't mattered.

Nothing would be the same ever again, and in her weakness, Maggie wondered why she had ever stopped running, as she stood in the doorway and watched silently as Bianca and Lena worked together, naming figures and numbers and discussing building plans and layouts, things she knew nothing about.

Bianca said she needed her. Bianca told her she was her rock.

Inside, Maggie was in pieces, and she wondered what kind of rock she could be in that shape, insecure and jealous, and feeling incredibly idiotic over it because there was so much else to worry about than whether or not Bianca still loved Lena.

In her heart, she held her image of Miranda, the little girl she wanted desperately to be hers, hers and Bianca's, and she held it close.

Right now, in the face of all this ugliness, it was all she had.

Sometimes Shane woke up, and found herself completely flabbergasted by the fact that she was

a secret agent.

Most of the time, Shane was just fine with coasting – sifting through life, making ends meet the only way she knew how, with only her friends and her fucks to worry about.

Getting recruited in the CIA had completely fucked that up for her. Mr. Bristow had taken a chance for her, cut through a shit load of red tape, cleared her history with tricks and drugs, and told her flatly that if she embarrassed him, she'd answer to him.

And it wasn't just Mr. Bristow, it was her team, her boys and her girl.

It was dangerous, to think of Sydney as her girl. That law of possession was strictly Vaughn's to dictate, but that was increasingly hard to get that through to Shane's heart.

Ignoring emotion was something she had been good at before Sydney. Taking every one night stand, fucking their brains out and leaving before they could even come down from their orgasm, that left one with a numb heart – and a certain measure of freedom.

She could still do that. On the home front, that hadn't changed.

But with Sydney...

Shane was genuinely in love, and what was more pathetic, is that she had known for nearly five years now that it would never happen. She had resigned herself to it.

But every week she found herself more and more infatuated, and it was dangerous. Really fucking dangerous.

In this business, that kinda shit was the shit that got you killed. And she had no right – none at all. A couple of kisses a half a decade ago were shit to build on.

But Shane had never run on logic, and it was her heart that betrayed her yet again, when she pushed into Maggie and Bianca's suite, raising her head at the clatter of boots on hard wood.

There was Sydney, dressed in a tight navy blue suit, concentrating on the small cuffs poking out.

Somehow, no matter how many times Shane had seen her in her many disguises, she still managed to take her breath away.

"Hey," Sydney said, finally looking up from her diamond cuff links, smoothing down the pants to manage a small smile. "The guy?"

Shane smiled, automatically pushing down the affection for a lazy smile. "Couple agents snuck him out with the laundry." Thumbing behind her, her gaze raked over the suit. "All Bianca'd up?"

Sydney chuckled, her self conscious, humble laugh. "Yeah. Kinda tight, but the girl is just... I think she's even skinnier than you."

Shane arched an eyebrow. "Not all of us are built for kicking ass, ya know."

"Yeah, well at least she's got boobs," Sydney continued, glancing down at her cleavage. "Have you seen her rack?"

"I may have lingered on it, yeah," Shane admitted, and when Sydney's shocked eyes rose to meet hers, she managed a rogue smirk and a shrug. It was expected, and what she did, and Sydney only smiled at her horny best friend.

Like always.

"Well," Sydney said, turning away from her to stand in front of the mirror, "It's not a perfect fit, but it should be enough for a sniper to get confused. I just have to worry about the hair."

The hair.

Sydney had let her hair grow long, and it cascaded down her shoulders in it's natural state, with this curl that seemed controlled and wild, untamed and discipline, just a walking contradiction of perfection.

Shane fucking loved Sydney's hair.

Even if it wasn't conducive to the whole spy thing.

"You're in luck," she said, and fished the hairy mass she had been keeping out of her pocket, shaking it out to show her partner. "Got it from one of our dudes," she informed her. "Trimmed, cut, and styled just like our Miss Montgomery."

Sydney's surprise was noticeable, but to her friend's credit, she just let out a chuckle, coming forward to pluck it from her hands and turn back toward the mirror. "Why do I even let myself get surprised by you, Shane?"

"I have no idea."

"God..." Sydney breathed, already fussing with her mass of curls. "So? How do I look?"

Shane considered her, in that almost too tight suit, with her distant, studious expression.

"The same," she told her simply. Beautiful. Like every damned day.

Sydney didn't know what to say to that, and Shane didn't give her a chance, coming forward to help with her dark mane as Sydney fumbled, missing a strand. "What the fuck are you doing?" she snapped.

"I'm just trying-"

"Well, will you let the hairdresser fuck with it?" she said, already manipulating the waves into their regular bun, carefully running fingers through Sydney's scalp. "It's really gotten long, huh?"

"Yeah," Sydney said, eyes on the floor, holding obediently still. "I'm going to have to cut it eventually."

"Don't," Shane said shortly. "Just... don't. It's beautiful."

Eyes shifted, caught in the mirror, an intense glance that Shane had to break when it shook something inside her.

"I can finish this," Sydney said, shaking the wig in her hand slightly.

"Right," Shane managed, eyes on the floor. "I'll finish up out here."

"Okay."

She let go, hands dropping to her sides as Sydney moved away from her.

"You don't have to do this you know." She said it to the floor, tone low, as if she were discussing the weather.

She couldn't look at Sydney, but she could hear the falter in her steps, felt the heat of Sydney's gaze on her.

"Yeah," she heard evenly, "I do, Shane."

She swallowed hard, managed a small smile, nodding as Sydney left her, and when she was gone, finally exhaled, palm pressed against her sweaty forehead.

She had to get over this. For her sanity, she had to move past this.

"Fuck," she whispered, eyes closing in frustration. "FUCK."

Bianca was by no means a control freak.

There was, however, a certain need for order that came from her experiences in Pine Valley, half of which she was given no control at all over.

Erica Kane had instilled a sense of discipline in her daughter, and while Maggie had often told her that she was nothing like Erica, Bianca had to admit that she had her mother's drive, her mother's passion, and her mother's penchant to blindness in favor of their version of the truth.

Now, her baby girl was missing, and her life was not in her own hands, but in the hands of strangers, strangers who cared, that was granted, but still, strangers.

The fact that her own life was now in danger was not something Bianca dwelled on. Her life had no relevance when it came to that of her daughter's, and it was the thing that consumed Bianca, because above all else, Bianca had become, the moment she had accepted the child growing inside of her, a mother.

She loved with passion and intensity, she would kill for and had killed for her daughter. She would lie for her daughter and cheat for her daughter, and yes, in that respect, she was just like Erica Kane.

It was her point, her focus, and it was what drove her mad, as she sat in the back of a black, unmarked van that was borrowed for the occasion, being babysat by the shaggy hairdresser Shane, who lounged in the front seat with a grimace on her face and a gun in her hand, ready to give her life for her if necessary.

Beside her was Maggie, finger's intertwined, an extension of herself, her strength flowing through the contact, just like Maggie had done since forever ago.

Across from her was Lena, who wore the same dark, intense stare and supportive, hesitant smile she had worn in Pine Valley.

Once again, in the face of tragedy, they were here, together, with her.

And still, her heartbeat raced, creating the almost irrestible urge to panic, because only a hundred feet away, in a construction site, was the killer who had taken her daughter.

She sucked in her breath, knowing she was nearly crushing Maggie's hand with her grip, fingers of her free hand nervously pushing bangs back over her ear.

"It'll be okay," she heard Maggie breathe, and she wanted so badly to believe her, but...

"Maggie," she said, irritation clouding her tone, "You don't know that. We don't know what's going to happen."

"These women have faced darker circumstances, Bianca," Lena said softly. "They have triumphed. They will get your daughter back, and they will save your life."

Her eyes lifted, locked with Lena and her good intentions, then shifted to Maggie and her stoic strength. "If either of you tells me to calm down while my daughter's life hands in the balance, I will do something hysterical."

"Bianca." She glanced up, discovered Shane craning her head back, one hand tangled in the unruly bangs on her head. "I understand completely that you're going through a deeply traumatic experience. I do. I get that. But if you don't shut up so I can listen to my partner and keep you safe, I will knock you out."

Lena gasped and Maggie's jaw dropped, when Shane quirked an eyebrow, making sure Bianca got her point, and turned back to her seat.

It was inappropriate and grouchy and completely uncalled for. Shane meant every word.

It was exactly what Bianca needed.

Her eyes closed and she exhaled, because in that moment, Bianca finally began to believe this could actually work.

She was actually glad Maggie didn't let her wear the Prada.

Already, her shoes were sinking in mud, eyes trained on the uneven ground in front of her, trying to remember from Shane's surveillance photos where the craters were. Sydney's mouth was fixed in a permanent frown, as she kept her arms crossed in front of her, holding Bianca's computer against her chest, trying hard to keep the posture as close to the young heiress as she remembered.

From a distance, it would suffice. Anna wasn't looking for assurances that Bianca would should up, she knew she would, because a mother would.

Anna's little kidnapping scheme was good, she had to give her that. Chances were, the agent already had scapegoats lined up, like her vendor: idiots who knew nothing and did everything for money, completely unaware of the trap set of them until the noose was already around their necks, tightening.

This meeting was a long time coming, and Sydney knew, in her heart, that there was a selfish vendetta buried underneath this good deed.

Sydney's ability to hold a grudge had come from both her parents, and her ability to forgive had been gleaned from them as well. But the contradiction between those actions had led to unpredictable behavior, and she knew she had shocked even Marina lately, with her willingness to accept the darker part of this business.

Sometimes, she had to admit, it frightened her too.

But she still had her intentions, she had her goodness, the goodness that Shane and Vaughn saw, Sydney tried desperately to keep, because honestly, she had no idea what would happen if they looked at her one day and didn't see it.

She counted her steps, and came to the spot, rubbing at her vest and taking in a deep breath.

Around her was stillness, sound muffled by mud and deep embankments. Around her, surrounding her on each side, were beams, put together with slabs of concrete, shrouded in

darkness.

It wouldn't be long now. She had to resist scanning the buildings, too risky to show her face.

She won't go for my face, she reminded herself, as her heartbeat thudded hard against her in sudden fear. She's too smart to try to blow my brains out from this distance. She's too smart to blow my head off completely. I know Anna. She won't go for my head.

Standing still, a sitting duck, Sydney realized what she was risking, as she stood alone, head down, eyes closed, waiting for the inevitable.

She saw her life, as it had been, as it would be, for the first time a future uncertain.

She remembered five years ago, standing at a crossroads, never so frightened as she had been back then. She had made her choice. She had sworn she would never look back.

And now, she allowed herself one indulgence, the memory of standing outside of Marina's Planet, kissing Shane, laughing against her lips, overwhelmed by love and feeling and the exciting newness.

In that open window of opportunity, her imagination took hold, and suddenly she was in a world where she hadn't come home to Vaughn. Instead, she had stayed with Shane on that curb, had faced the fear head on, and taken Shane home, held the scared and broken girl in her arms and promised to love her like she deserved, and didn't ask like a jerk to stay friends just because Sydney was too selfish to cut her completely out.

In her mind, Shane was her partner, and when Maggie asked how long they had been together, Sydney answered, "Five years. We've been together nearly five years."

Pain exploded against her spine, and Sydney's eyes jerked opened to reality, as she gasped, lurching forward with the force.

Another one, near her shoulder, and she swiveled. The muddy dirt slammed up to meet her, and she lay there like a gasping fish, sucking in the pain, trying hard to push past it.

"Stay still," she muttered, tears of pain stinging in her eyes. "Stay STILL, Sydney."

She lay in the dirt, caked with mud, face buried in filth. To the observer, she was dead.

The silence was nearly overwhelming. Radio silence until it was done – they couldn't afford a tap to let Anna know there were uninvited guests.

Lena did not know Shane. In this, she was as helpless as Bianca or Maggie. She had been regulated by the agent to the back of the van, and currently, the life of her partner hanging in the balance, Shane was not pleasant company.

Still, Lena understood the value of distraction, and it was because of that that she finally broke the suffocating silence, voice low, almost conversational, as she caught both Maggie and Bianca's stares and quirked a finger, coming to sit on the other side of Bianca.

"Has anyone explained to you both the significance of Rambaldi?" she whispered. Her ex-lover and her ex-lover's best friend just stared at her, before Maggie minutely shook her head no. Lena sucked in her breath, giving Shane a quick glance, before she turned again to the girls. "Milo Rambaldi was a man of prophecy, prediction."

"What, like Nostradamus?" Maggie asked.

"Close – this man, Rambaldi? He has never been wrong," she continued. "These relics, that Michael," she couldn't say his name without a grimace, a pang of self-disgust, "had collected – they are pieces of a puzzle that Rambaldi himself created. There is some sort of... plan – all of it coming together, and there are so many who would come after it and take it for themselves, whatever power lies in this man's true invention."

"Wait..." Bianca blinked. "This sounds just like that tv show, Identity. You know – with the secret agents, and the Nostrodamus..." she trailed off, eyes widening at the look on Lena's face. "You're kidding."

"The creator of the show was very close to Marina," she confirmed.

"Are you kidding?" Maggie squeaked. "I LOVE that show."

Someone cleared their throat up front, and Maggie's shoulders scrunched, just as Lena glanced up, discovered Shane glaring in the rearview mirror, before the agent shifted in her chair, dismissing them again.

"So if that's true," Bianca began, already thinking, "Then the whole subplot about the family of spies, you know, the Corinos-"

"Derevkos," Lena confirmed.

"Holy shit," Maggie breathed, nearly leaning over Bianca in her emotion. "So Sydney and Marina... they're like... they're like..."

"They figure prominently in those prophecies," Lena said, nodding.

Bianca slumped back, and Maggie pursed her lips, hooded eyes darting back toward Shane. "So the family is destined to bring about the end of the world," she mused. "And you thought being a Kane was pressure," she quipped to Bianca.

Lena sighed, almost relieved when a smirk nearly emerged on Bianca's face.

"All right, that's enough." The bark startled them all, as Shane glared, arched backwards in her seat. "That's enough of that bullshit, okay? Just shut up about it right now."

Her face was caked with blood and Sydney could hardly breathe, nearly suffocating, forcing herself to take shallow breaths, even as her wounds screamed for gasps.

She closed her eyes, tried hard to hear against the pounding blood in her ears, focused completely on being still, playing dead.

She heard the boots, sinking into the mud with wet splotches, rising with a small hiss, sucking the air from the mud as they came closer, then closer still.

She waited, braced herself, and then went limp, as a boot dug into her ribs and she was pushed roughly on her back.

In that second, her eyes shot open, and she recognized the shocked expression on Anna Espinoza, standing over her.

"HI!" she said brightly, before she jerked, slamming her booted foot into Anna's knee caps, sending the other woman sprawling.

Shane didn't get pissed very often. But it wasn't every day that both of her friends' lives were at stake, and the very women they were trying to help were gossiping about them like they were on fucking Desperate Housewives.

"I'm gonna say this once," she said crisply, face flushed with emotion, "And then I don't want to hear another word about it. Am I clear?" She had their attention, and their silence, that was enough. "I've known Marina and Sydney for a fucking long time – I don't trust anyone the way I trust them. Yes, the Derevko family has their quirks, and yes, their lives are continually fucked up by that fucking Rambaldi asshole and his God-damned prophecies. But you know what? There are a lot of people out there that are a hell of a lot worse, case in point? The bitch out there hired to kill you and take your baby."

Bianca winced, like she was slapped, and Shane was almost glad – it made her point.

"Now – they might be killers. They might have it in their blood to lie and deceive. They might have their names scrawled on some thousand year old scroll, and they pay the price for that every single fucking day. But they're also human. They love and fuck and cry and laugh and they’ve made mistakes and they've fucked up. And they're my friends." Her heart twisted, and she caught her breath, tried hard to get a hold of herself, glancing away, at the darkness around them, before she exhaled, managed to calm down with the rush of oxygen. Deflating against the seat, she glanced down at her gun, fingering it. "Syd and Marina are the good guys," she said finally. "And they care about you – they'll find your baby or they'll die trying. Just... show a little fucking respect, all right?"

A pall followed that, and when Bianca whispered, "I’m sorry. It's not what we meant. Of course I'm grateful," her grimace turned into a sad smile.

"I know," she said, and looked out the window again, glancing at the construction site.

FUCK, Syd. If she went for the head, I’m going to fucking KILL you.

The sniper rifle had long since fallen into a crater.

Sydney could barely see in the darkness, and still, she mimicked the movements, rising up to smash her forearm against Anna's coming first, blocking it and pounding across her face with a fierce punch, feeling the head jerk against the force.

Anna stumbled back, but didn't fall, and already Sydney's jaw was aching, her ribs complaining, and her energy waning.

"Surprised?" she breathed.

"In a good way," Anna assured her, before she swiveled, skipping on one foot to jerk the other around her, her leg coming down hard. Sydney took the brunt of the blow with her elbow, tucking it hard into her side, gritting her teeth against the force as she kneed Anna in response, managing to connect with her gut.

It wasn't a fight – it was a brawl, and Sydney wasn't above it.

Technique and discipline gave way to a bar fight, managing to sweep a leg under Anna and throwing her on her back, ready to straddle and pummel until Sydney lost her footing in the mud, lost enough time for Anna to get back up and tackle her hard, slamming her back against the side of the embankment, dangerously close to falling into the crater.

"I missed you, Sydney," Anna said, slamming her fist into her temple, causing a ringing that Sydney gritted her teeth against, tried hard to ride out. "Did you miss me?"

"Why do you think I'm here?" she breathed, before she crashed her forehead into the bridge of Anna's nose, feeling her flail back, just enough to hook her foot around her neck, swivel her hips and send Anna careening off of her. "I just can't get enough of you," she managed, stumbling to her feet.

Anna grinned, eyes glittering even in this darkness. "We really should have lunch."

"Let's save it for a special occasion," Sydney suggested.

Anna shook her head, smile wide and feral, and before Sydney could try again, the expression froze, and suddenly Anna's eyes rolled up, before she slumped into the mud, falling with a thud.

Behind her, Marina held a gun, a smug smirk on her face.

Sydney's eyes rolled up in relief, and she picked up a handful of mud and flung it at her cousin. "What the hell TOOK you?"

"You seemed to be enjoying yourself," Marina said tartly. "I didn't want to ruin it."

Sydney rubbed her aching jaw, pressed her hand against her bruised ribs, and looked down at the figure of an unconscious Anna Espinoza.

"Yeah," she admitted. "I kinda was."

Marina smiled, and came forward with her, holding up a pair of plastic ties.

"Where'd you get those?"

"They're Shane's plastic thingies," she said, sounding out the word, foreign on her accented tongue. "Shall you do the honors?"

Exhausted, Sydney only slumped into the mud, grimacing at Bianca's ruined suit. "You do it," she said. "I'm kinda tired. You know. Got shot and all."

In the van, Shane was finally granted a stay of execution, when the radio buzzed to life, and her heart nearly jumped with it, sending her scrambling.

"Shane."

She nearly dropped the radio twice before she breathed into it, eyes on the rearview mirror, three women staring intently at her, Bianca's hands clasped in both her suitor's, the three of them banding together for strength.

"I'm here," she said automatically. "What's up?"

Sydney didn't give a fuck about her complete disregard for radio protocol. "We got her," she said,and Shane had never been so fucking glad to hear a voice like that in forever. "Bring the van around."

"FUCK you, for scaring the shit out of me," she breathed, before she clicked the button and said, louder, "On my way."

She put the radio back in it's place, and took a moment to gather herself, suck in her relief with a shake of her head.

"What's going on?" Maggie asked.

Shane twisted, looked back, eyes on Bianca. "We got her," she said. "We got the bitch who has your kid. We're one step closer to getting back your baby."

In the end, seeing Bianca's relieved smile was enough. To put her key in the ignition and ignore her stuttering heart.

Just enough.