Nothing to Write Home About: Bad Habit

I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
-- Howie Day, Collide

She felt like she was going to crawl out of her skin. Her breath was short, shallow, and she felt overheated - heart thudding against her chest in such a way it was almost painful. It pounded in her ears, causing erratic jerks of her fingertips, nervously pushing bangs out of her face that had already been smoothed away and again and again tucking them behind her ear.

She had no concentration. Her mind had summarily exploded, and even now, Sydney was trying desperately to finger the fragments, put herself back together, FOCUS.

The next few hours were crucial, horribly crucial, and Shane had taken her precious self control and focus and thrown it out the window.

She could have killed Shane for what she had done.

Beside her, Bianca was a carefully held together mess. In her black power suit, hair smooth and perfect. Her hands were still, on her crossed knees, and she looked out the window, chest moving up and down against the fabric of her blazer in rhythmic breathing.

But her eyes were blotched and red, and when Sydney focused, really focused, in a blistered attempt to get another face out of her mind, she realized the young mother was trembling.

Glancing quickly at the driver, Sydney closed the panel between them, and turned toward her.

"If you can't do this..." she began softly.

"No. I can do this." Bianca's words were short, terse, to the point. Her gaze out the window, she continued, "I'll do anything to save my baby."

Sydney didn't respond, instead reaching for her cellphone with a worried frown. She knew before she even looked at it that there would be no message from Marina, and still, she glanced down at the digital bugs, blinking at her.

With a sigh, she put it back.

"Sydney." Glancing over, she discovered Bianca finally looking at her, tone strangely even, if a bit clouded with emotion on the edge. "If this all - when," she corrected herself, tone lilting slightly. "WHEN," she said again, breathed it, "when we pull this off - Will Anna really leave us alone?" Sydney pressed her lips together, as Bianca continued, "I mean, I heard you say... you said they wouldn't stop until I was dead..."

"I won't let anything happen to you, Maggie or Miranda," Sydney said softly. "You have to believe that."

Bianca sighed, glancing down to her hands. "I'm afraid," she admitted quietly. "It's always like this. I get so close to getting everything I wanted and then my life dissolves into this sort of hellish nightmare."

Sydney didn't know what to say to that. She managed a hard swallow, and reached a hesitant hand to cover Bianca's.

"Bianca," she said finally. "You can do this. And when it's over, when you have your baby girl back, yes, things will change for a bit, but you'll be alive. The people that want you dead? I'll find out why, and I'll take care of it. Until then? I have the connections to protect you."

Bianca snorted, a disbelieving, bitter snort that made Sydney press her lips together in sadness.

"Sydney - I doubt the CIA can do much for me in Paris."

"Maybe not," she agreed. "That's not what I'm talking about." When Bianca looked at her questioningly, Sydney managed a small, reluctant smile. "We're not as famous as the Kanes," she began, "But in these circles, the stamp of Derevko's protection does mean something." Bianca's eyes darkened. "Once word gets out that not just me, but Marina is protecting you, then our mother's interests will get involved, and they hold quite a reputation. Even my sister. We don't get along, but she knows where to draw her boundaries. Believe me. None of us take kindly to a mother and daughter being separated. Both of our mothers have been known for doing some pretty incredible things when it comes to their daughters."

Bianca took that in, and slowly began to smile. "My mother told me," she said softly, "That anyone with a brain knew better than to mess with the Kanes." She directed a knowing look at Sydney. "I'm assuming the same holds for your family of women."

Sydney returned a shaky grin. "You could."

Bianca sighed, a trembling breath, before she glanced out the window again and turned back. "Sydney. About Marina... what she did."

"I know." Sydney shook her head slightly. "I know."

"I just don't know if-"

"Marina is a good guy, Bianca." She swallowed, a sudden flash of her cousin's angry face coming back to her. "She's just... she's trying very hard to ignore it. In her circles, it's not seen as a strength. It's a weakness. If she so much as lets another person in, suddenly she's vulnerable." Bianca's stare deepened. "Marina loved someone. It broke her. She had to leave her behind when... all this exploded and... to be honest? I think she thinks if she comes close to admitting she misses her, maybe even still loves her? She'll honestly, truly die."

She mulled the words even as she said them, and in the whirlwind of her day, it finally occurred to Sydney that finally, she understood her cousin, in a way she had never attempted to before.

Slumping against the seat, Sydney's heart grew heavy with sadness, turmoil. She was suddenly exhausted.

"Sydney." She sighed, locking somber glances with Bianca. "Will she get my baby back."

Sydney didn't have to answer. Her phone began to buzz in her pocket, ring obnoxiously, and when she took it with shaking hands and looked at the caller ID, she managed a smile.

"I think she already has."

She felt like a desperate housewife.

Maggie was done sobbing, and it had left her drained, tired.

She couldn't sit in Bianca's chair, so she stood, hip pressed against the window, gazing out onto their quiet street, picked for it's pristine location.

"Nothing bad can happen here," Bianca told her, giggling over a couch, struggling to lift it until Maggie had finally just called the movers, "It's perfect."

Perfect.

Maggie felt herself ready to collapse under her exhaustion and numbed worry, but she stayed standing. She would stay standing, wouldn't fall, until Bianca and Miranda were back.

Oddly, her wit resurfaced, quips in her thoughts and she managed a mired smile.

Really, who would have believed that SHE would have ended up the femme housewife in the relationship.

If there was a relationship. Or whatever their relationship was.

Bianca's kiss burned on her mouth, and she touched it tenderly, shaping the lips with her fingers, flushed now, remembering her complete abandonment to the moment.

In retrospect, it had been the most terrifying thing she had ever done, her first kiss with Bianca – mutual and searing and totally honest.

There was no going back now, and Maggie could only lean on this window and pray her heart would remain in tact for what unknown future awaited.

When the door rattled, she didn't pay attention, senses slowed to ease her into her anxiety.

It was only when she turned, discovered Lena closing it behind her, that Maggie snorted, shoving away from the window and turning away from her.

"I don't want to talk to you," she snapped, and it was true. Lena had always represented her worst fears and obstacles, and here, where she had finally let go, finally admitted to loving Bianca no matter what would happen or could happen – she was just too fragile to face the women who Bianca had always seemed to love more.

"Maggie, stop-"

"No, Lena." Already heading toward the door, her heart clenched with hurt, and she shook her head blindly, anger keeping the tears in her glistening orbs. "I don't want to talk to you."

She moved fast, until Lena's hand whipped out and suddenly Maggie was caught in a strong grip, skin bruising under Lena's fingers.

"For once, would you stop acting like a child and listen to me?!" Lena said savagely. "I'm not leaving. Not until I'm sure that Bianca's going to be happy – even if it is with you."

Miranda Montgomery smelled of baby powder. She folded into Marina's arms, eyes so bright and pure, and Marina found herself overwhelmed. She felt fragile, like her insides were made of glass, as she struggled not to stare in wonder at the child, who settled into her embrace with such trust.

This child. This child of a rapist, the picture of innocence.

In distraction, she rubbed her cheek against her sweaty head, smoothing her palm against the child's back, pulling her closer, shifting in her seat to deposit her cellphone.

Her truce with Anna was increasingly delicate, but the assassin only smiled from her side of the car, observing her with such chilling calculation that Marina froze in her affection, face hardening, turning away from her.

"You never struck me as the maternal type," Anna said, shifting gears and lanes.

"It just surprises me," Marina said softly, "the level of innocence and trust exist within the purity of a child. To her, we are no different than a priest, a nun."

The statement caused Anna's smirk to falter, as her eyes flickered down to Miranda and then back up to the street, voice strangely even. "You tell that young mother no harm came to that child," she said crisply.

"Certainly not because you're above it," Marina muttered.

Anna's eyes flashed. "You think so little of me – do you think you're any better?"

Marina ignored the affront she took to the insult. Her focus was on the child, as she breathed in the baby powder smell, felt the child's chubby fingers wrap around her thumb, gurgling peacefully in her lap.

"She's a precious one," she noted. "Who does not deserve this life or this history."

Anna absorbed that, met Marina's eyes, and snorted, "I know," as she shifted gears again and sped the acceleration. "Let's get this done and you can take the child to her happy ending and I can go throw up from the saccharine."

Miranda was safe. Miranda was alive.

Just the words, coming to her, very nearly caused her to collapse against the leather interior, break down in her relief.

She was shaking now, head a ringing mess.

"Then it's... it's over, isn't it?"

She knew the answer even as she asked the question. It wasn't over. There was a devil's deal, and she wouldn't get Miranda back until they were there. The nightmare wasn't over by a long shot.

But Miranda was safe. Miranda was alive.

"We're almost done," Sydney said to her, palm over her hand. "You'll have your daughter back soon, Bianca – you just have to trust me."

She closed her eyes against her doubts and her fears, focused her mind on the pure soul of her beautiful daughter, riding to meet her even now.

"I don't understand why we can't just have security take them there," she managed. "In the lobby."

Sydney's glance was frustrated. "Because Anna isn't the real target, Bianca," she said softly. "I know it's easy to put her face as the pinnacle of this problem, but the fact remains that she's just a hired hand. We remove her, they'll just send others. This is about ending it, once and for all. So you and your baby can move on."

Move on.

Bianca pressed her palm against her heated forehead, took in a shaky breath.

Bring back our baby. I'll be waiting for you. For Miranda.

She sucked in her breath. "I don't know if she'll come with me, but if it happens-"

Sydney seemed to know immediately what she was referring to, and a small, gentle smile caressed her features. "Of course," she said softly. "She was included in this the moment we started the plans. This is about your family."

"My family," she breathed, catching the darkened view of Cambias International looming up ahead of her in the tinted car window.

"I'll bring her back," she whispered solemnly, praying that Maggie could hear her, somehow. "I'll bring back our baby."

The words registered, even as Maggie tried to struggle to get away, and when they finally did sink in, process, Maggie found herself faltering, eyes widening in suspicion and wonder.

Lena's eyes flashed, deepened in their richness. "It's you Bianca loves. And if you don't stop acting like a child you're going to push her away and regret it for the rest of your life." Maggie blinked, and Lena suddenly seemed smaller, face constricting in hurt. She let go of Maggie, turning away in desperation, and Maggie stayed put, shock keeping her there.

Lena was hurting, and her rant and her face gave away the woman's turmoil. She looked... defeated.

"Did you always know?" Her words were whispered, as she faced the woman in Bianca's life who had threatened her above all others. "Did you know how much I loved her?"

Lena's head came down, and Maggie couldn't see her expression when she replied, "Of course." She turned with brightly watered eyes. "I never wanted to believe it. How could I want to believe it? I loved Bianca. I wanted to be her one and only."

Maggie licked her lips, heart thudding painfully at the last sentence.

"You were right," Lena said, looking toward the window, in some far off distant place. "When you told me that you would be there with Bianca long before me, would be there long after-"

Shame caused a shudder within her, as she remembered the conversation, recognized the fear and petty spite as her romantic jealousy, her desperate attempts to establish her claim on Bianca when she wasn't even sure how to want it.

"Stop," she managed weakly. "Don't remind me, okay? It was... petty and jealous and stupid."

"But you were right," Lena shrugged. "Look at us now. My relationship with Bianca is done. And yet, here you are."

Here she was.

Maggie's smile was slight, almost sad, as she considered the implications of the statement – the shift of power in the conversation.

Here was Lena, giving up – admitting to her that she had no chance. It was Maggie's dream, and now, she just felt ashamed. Sad.

"I only hated you because I liked you," she said finally.

Miranda pressed tiny fingers against her mouth, and unconsciously, Marina smiled against them, kissing the digits lightly.

"Seriously, Marina – I know the child is cute, but your biological clock is making me nauseous."

Marina sighed, narrowing her eyes at Anna. Placing the baby back into her car seat, she continued on her packing, depositing the key, covered in plastic, into one of Miranda's bottles, filling around it with milk, disguising the small contraption of glass and metal.

Like any international headquarters, Cambias had metal detectors, scanners, the works. Getting inside would have been tricky.

Had they not the permission of the Chairman of Board to enter and ransack.

Marina's DNA key was surprisingly simplistic, put together by a consultant per Toni's instructions. It never failed to amaze her how quickly these specialists were willing to put aside their time and morals for a little money.

Miranda gurgled happily at her, her mother's smile beaming from her face. Once again, Marina was distracted.

She took a moment to thumb a crumb of cracker from the little girl's face.

"Are you ready?" Anna breathed, carefully arranging her cuffs, each hiding her intricate selection of wires.

Miranda smiled cheekily at her.

"Are people like us even capable of souls as pure as this?" she asked.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Anna breathed, and Marina closed her eyes, took a breath, and prepared herself. "You know – your reputation is quite good," Anna said, kicking the door open of her car and coming around, waiting for Marina to unstrap the shifty child from her seat. "I should consider myself lucky to be working with someone of your caliber."

Marina paused, gave Miranda a small smile, before straightening, turning, and glaring at the other woman. "Then why do I feel like you're waiting for your chance to stab me in the back?"

"That's just common sense."

They moved, Marina dressed in her trademark black, carrying Miranda in her arms, smiling against the child as they entered the glass doors; this time, for show.

The guard waved them over, and Anna coolly gave him their aliases, tugging affectionately on a lock of Miranda's hair, cooing at her.

"The new nanny," he said, looking at them both. "For Miranda."

Marina smiled pleasantly. "And her partner." Anna pressed into her side warmly, kissing Marina's cheek.

"Miss Montgomery isn't here today."

"We're expecting her shortly," she agreed. He hesitated, and finally nodded, giving back their ID's and nodding toward the guards to let them pass.

They went, bouncing baby Miranda along.

"That was surprisingly easy," Anna murmered, one hand tucked around her waist.

Marina smiled grimly. "The Kane name opens a lot of doors."

"Right now I just want it to open one."

They locked glances, and entered the elevator, Anna reaching forward and pressing the down button. The doors closed.

Lena was confused.

Maggie only smiled, palm rubbing against her neck, nearly meek. "You were perfect, Lena. You were beautiful and smart and sexy and sophisticated and like... everything I ever wasn't and everything I wanted to be. Well," she corrected, "Except for the evil corporate spy stuff."

Lena rolled her eyes.

"But... I admired you," she admitted, shrugging. "Your fearless devotion to Bianca. The fact that you KNEW who you wanted. I mean, you loved her so much and you didn't care who knew. It didn't scare you like it scared me. You didn't run. I hated that."

Lena sighed, letting out her breath. "I tried to run, Maggie. Bianca stopped me." Maggie glanced away. She knew the story. Bianca had told her about the big romantic airport confrontation. "Maggie. I hated you because I liked you too."

She glanced up in surprise, found herself laughing. "Oh please! You just plain hated me!" Lena cocked her head in wary contemplation, waiting for her to explain. "I was whiny and annoying and pushy!"

"And you were a wonderful friend to Bianca," Lena said, coming forward, warm hands on her shoulders. "Full of unconditional love and loyalty at whatever cost to you. You were frightened and confused and yet you stood up to me. You stood up to Kendall and even Erica Kane for Bianca. That is admirable."

Maggie sighed weakly. "I tried to run too," she said softly. "Bianca wouldn't let me either. I tried so hard to cut her out of my life and she wouldn't budge. And I finally just gave up – when she wanted to finally leave Pine Valley, I couldn't let her go. I just followed her here." She glanced up at Lena, and discovered the other woman's eyes shining. "I really do love her, Lena."

"I know, darling. It's the only reason I can let her go."

The intensity of the moment finally caught her, and Maggie laughed unexpectedly. "GOD," she wheezed, "We're turning into such SAPS!"

Lena, perfect sophisticated tortured Lena, gathered her into her arms and held her close, and Maggie took the comfort that she offered, sinking into an embrace. She glanced toward the window, and thought of Bianca, and her weak heart gave a fragile tug, and she closed her eyes again.

She pulled back, smiled at Lena. The older woman smiled back, gently caressing her cheeks before leaning forward and planting a soft kiss against Maggie's lips.

It was unexpected, to say the least.

Maggie blinked, so astonished she couldn't move. "What was THAT for?!"

Lena grinned, squeezing her again before letting her go. "I'm just giving back what rightfully belongs to you, Maggie."

It was a gesture, Maggie realized. Lena's relinquishing of her fight for Bianca, giving her to Maggie. Lena, posture perfect and hair perfect, and everything perfect – exactly what she needed to calm her fears, keep her strength for Bianca.

"I hate you," Maggie managed, and Lena smiled again.

"I hate you, too."

Sydney was going to kill her when she got back.

Shane stared at the computer screen, found the image completed and the copy printed, and she cursed herself, rubbing fingers through messy hair.

"Dammit," she breathed, turning away from the machine, and closing her eyes. "Really – GREAT timing, Shane. Way to fuck up."

Swallowing hard, she looked back, hands on her hips, breathing hard, in and out, in and out.

She couldn't think of what would happen when Sydney got back – the ensuing talk that Sydney would want to have, because Sydney wanted to talk about fucking EVERYTHING.

It was almost easier to concentrate on the drama awaiting them all – a simple procedure that was so close to going wrong.

The flat was quiet – Maggie and Lena tucked away, and Shane doing a piss poor job of watching them.

"Shit, Shane," she breathed. "You can't even do THIS right." She moved, clipping her automatic into her belt and heading for the door, walking gingerly, listening for sounds.

She was halfway to Bianca's office when the doorbell rang, loud and clear, resonating throughout the house.

She jerked her head toward the door, mouth suddenly going dry, eyes narrowing.

Rationally, an assassin wouldn't necessarily ring the doorbell if trying to come in and kill everyone, but she wouldn't put it past them – as a delivery boy, a pizza guy, whatever.

She unclipped the gun, made her way toward the door, and when Lena and Maggie appeared, she put a finger to her lips, motioning to keep them in their places.

The doorbell kept ringing, insistently.

She was quiet, quick, hand on her gun, taking a moment to take a breath, and then opened it, ready to swing her gun around.

But Maggie broke the silence, even as Shane's gun shook with uncertainly, and she blinked in recognition.

"KENDALL?!"

Standing in the doorway was Kendall Hart, Bianca Montgomery's half-sister.

Bianca was never one to make an entrance. She had never liked the attention that came with being a Kane.

And still, she moved into the building and the guards sprung into action. Sydney, by her side, never even got a second look, as Jean, her head of security, fell into step beside her, rattling off orders in French to his guards, catching her up.

She was so distracted she could hardly make sense of what he was saying, but she managed a tight smile, and nodded, quickly motioning to Sydney, some silly explanation Sydney had given her about her American cousin visiting.

For her part, Sydney was dressed slightly ridiculously, blonde wig in place, a somewhat idiotic smile plastered on her face, gripping her handbag like she was a frightened tourist, edging closely to Bianca.

"Bonjour," she greeted, her accent so intentionally bad, even Bianca had to wince.

"We don't have a lot of time," she told Jean, commiserating with his 'you have to be kidding me' stare at Sydney with a half smile. "We'll just be going-"

"But of course."

She went quickly, heels clacking, maneuvering around the guards, thankful for Sydney's strong grip, as Sydney prattled on about the Eiffel tower and the 'totally amazing' shopping,

Finally reaching the elevator, Bianca breathed, "If you were really my cousin, I'd disown you with that voice."

Sydney smiled cheekily, squealing as the elevator came to a stop and shoved Bianca inside. "HOW AWESOME!"

She took in a shaky breath, and pressed the down button, heart hammering now, blood rushing in her ears. Almost immediately, Sydney dropped character, spitting out the chewing gum in her mouth, glancing up at the security cameras.

"Look," she said, and Bianca did, to find a small device attached to it.

"Like a static boom," Sydney told her, kicking off her heels and reaching for her boots, tugging them on. "Erases the feed completely – the camera's running but nothing's being recorded."

It was at that exact moment, that Bianca realized with a sinking heart, the caliber of people she was dealing with.

"It's okay," Sydney breathed, "Marina has Miranda."

Bianca knew better than to mention that didn't really make her feel much better.

The elevator numbers clicked down, down, and suddenly, with a soft whir, they landed on the bottom floor. The elevator doors opened, and Bianca blinked, taking in the dark maze of rooms.

"Let's go," Sydney breathed, and led her through this place, in her own building, that she had never been. In the lobby, they found two guards slumped against their desks, guns pulled and discarded, the ammunition clips missing.

"They're breathing," Sydney explained. "Marina never kills if she doesn't have to."

"Yay," Bianca answered dryly.

They moved, fast, toward the Cambias vaults, and to Bianca's surprise, made a right before it, into a smaller, much more insignificant room.

"His vault's in here?" she asked, steps faltering.

Sydney shrugged. "Why be big and flashy when you can be intimate and discreet?"

Another corner, and they came to an ordinary door with Marina and Anna standing on each side, bored expressions on their faces.

Bianca's breath caught, her heart ached, and she nearly cried with relief.

In Marina's arms was her beautiful, bubbly, baby girl.