Nothing to Write Home About: Bad Habit

What do you think you'd ever say
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be
- Johnny Rzeznick, I'm still here

As a CIA operative, Shane had been trained to deal with the unexpected.

Usually, the unexpected was a computer glitch, or the bad guys finding out they were trying to sneak in, or having one of her team members accidentally kidnapped or stuck in a torture camp or hanging from the side of a cliff.

No one had given her a how-to on how to handle one pissed off, nearly hysterical diva.

Kendall Hart wore a glare on her face that brought to mind some of the worst offenders against the United States.

"What the hell is going on?" she demanded, eyes darting from Maggie to Shane. "Who are you?! Where's Bianca?!"

Three questions, and Shane didn't even have a chance to answer that before Kendall spotted Lena's stunned expression and snapped, "And what the hell is SHE DOING HERE?!"

Shane blinked, shoving her gun swiftly in her waist, covering it with her blazer before the delicately framed sister had a chance to see it, and glanced quickly down the hall, pulling Kendall in with a palm around her wrist, shutting the door behind her.

"What are you doing here?" she began immediately, hands on her hips.

Kendall Hart nearly snorted at her. "Who the hell are you? Where's my sister?! MAGGIE!"

Finally, Shane glared at the shorter girl, and almost immediately, she came forward, hands out, as if trying to appease the curly haired woman.

"Kendall, it's... seriously, what are you doing here?!"

Kendall's face was increasingly red. "Maggie? I'm going to seriously start cutting heads off, starting with yours, if you don't tell me where Bianca is."

"Bianca's not here," Shane cut in again. "But she's safe."

"Safe?" she snapped, head jerking in her direction, pinning her with her dark glare. "Safe from what?!"

"Nothing!" Maggie's answer was short, over the top, and completely insincere.

Shane rapidly found herself getting a headache. "Look, Kendall-"

"WHO ARE YOU!" Kendall snapped again.

Finally she sighed, managed a smile, and thrust out her hand. "Shane McCutcheon, I'm Bianca's hairdresser."

Kendall narrowed her eyes, and then shifted her line of sight to Shane's mop of a haircut, which, even Shane would admit, had gotten a little unruly from her frustrated pulling in the intense hours from before. "Uhuh. Tell me another one."

"Kendall," Lena tried, "I'm afraid you've come at a very inconvenient time." Maggie shot Shane a panicked look, and for once, Shane had no idea what to do. She was good with people, she had had enough people tell her that, but her nerves were severely on the fritz, and how the hell would you explain to a diva begat from a diva that their precious Bianca was... er... in the middle of a plot to save her own life?

"Oh, really? Well, I'm sorry, Lena," Kendall said, tone dry and sarcastic. "Maybe I should come back later. I'll just hop right back on the plane, go BACK to Pine Valley, and take another seven hour flight when it's more convenient to you."

They all stared blankly, and finally, Kendall seemed to realize she was getting nowhere, because her eyes rolled to the sky, and she took a deep breath, as if she were saying some sort of mantra, before she began stiffly, "Maggie? Please. Just tell me where Bianca is. She's got me worried sick."

"Why does she have you worried sick?" Maggie asked, arms crossed, face intense. "Did she say anything?"

"I talked to her yesterday, and she was... acting all weird, and when I asked what was wrong, she was... I don't know. Not herself. It freaked me out."

"So you just hopped on a plane," Shane said, trying to wrap her mind around the trends of the wealthy, "And just flew to Paris."

"I took the Cambias private jet," Kendall retorted.

Shane quirked an eyebrow. "Right."

"What's going on," Kendall repeated, gaze moving between them all. "Where's my sister? If you don't tell me, I'm going to call the police, right now-" Already reaching for her cellphone, Shane finally shook her head, reaching for her.

"Allright, allright. Kendall? Kendall - put that way." Kendall jerked away from her touch. "Look - I'll tell you what's going on, okay? But you gotta promise not to freak."

"I don't have to promise anything to you."

Shane's patience was wearing thin. "Fine, then I'll take this gun, and fucking arrest you myself."

Kendall blinked, eyes widening at the piece that Shane now held casually in her grip.

"I'm listening," she said chirpily.

Pushing from her position, Marina found her eyes suddenly stinging, a surprising effect of looking straight into Bianca Montgomery's eyes the moment she lay eyes on her daughter.

The young woman immediately began to tremble, palms going to her face, eyes watering with such pure emotion, as she took in her daughter, as if for a moment she was unable to believe that it was really her baby.

Marina swallowed down the unexpected lump in her throat, and took a step forward, ready to meet Bianca halfway, as Bianca made a curious whine in her throat, holding herself together as best she could in the face of her greatest relief after her worst fear.

"Take her," Marina managed, huskily, "No harm has come to your child."

Bianca tore her eyes off Miranda long enough to catch hers in a searing glance, and suddenly she shook her head, took a step forward, trembling so violently that for a moment Marina feared she would drop her.

But the moment Bianca's immaculately manicured palms slipped around her daughter, she clasped on tight, pulling her baby girl into such a hold the child gurgled in retaliation, fisting handfuls of her mother's brunette hair, sucking it into her mouth as Bianca pressed kisses against Miranda's cheeks.

"My baby," she heard whispered against Miranda's skin. "My beautiful baby."

She stood, lost in the moment, until a possessive hand spread across her back and she was knocked back into reality, where Anna stood beside her, viewing the scene with a much less impressed expression.

"And now that we have the happy reunion," she drawled, directing her glare toward her cousin. "Do you have what I need?"

Sydney's mouth was open, she looked flushed, and Marina's eyes narrowed in concern, as her cousin shook herself out of whatever trance she was in, and reached into her pocket, pulling out with her a manila envelope, face hardening.

"Proof," she snapped. "Photos, fingerprints - it's what you need."

She flung them, like a frisbee to Anna. The other woman caught them easily, flipping open the flap and inspecting the contents, just as quickly inserting it into the folds of her clothing. "Good," she said crisply. "My regards to your girlfriend for her handy work."

It was Anna doing her typical baiting, but Sydney, surprisingly, didn't rise to the challenge. Marina frowned, shaking off the distracting thoughts when she looked back towards Bianca, still clutching her daughter. "Then we do what we came to do," she said crisply.

"Right," Sydney said flippantly, "And Bianca and Miranda can leave."

"We can't leave her alone," Marina inserted smoothly, feeling Anna's hands leave her back, already reaching for the diaper bag that held the DNA key. "You know as well as I that it's not safe until Anna gives the proof."

"That's not what I was suggesting," Sydney said, half in front of Bianca, ignoring Bianca's inquisitive stare, over the head of her daughter. "Marina, take her with you. Get her out of here."

Sydney was giving an order, and an odd one at that. Marina found herself straightening, eyes narrowing in wonder and a little annoyance.

"No, Sydney," Bianca began, shaking her head.

"That's out of the question," Anna snapped, jerking her head around to glare at her cousin.

"Ask me if I care what you think," Sydney hissed back.

But Marina only shook her head, checking her timer on her wrist, twisting the dials, "Sydney, don't be silly. This is my occupation, remember? I'm the thief. It would be considered logical that I be the one to go in with Anna-"

"NO, Marina," Sydney said, already shrugging out of her blazer. "I'm going in there, you're getting the hell out of here with Bianca."

Marina's glare darkened, irritation seeping her way up her spine, causing it to stiffen. "Sydney, exactly what is the problem? Do you not trust me?"

"Actually-" Bianca began.

"Don't be stupid, Marina-"

"STUPID?" Marina repeated. In the corner of her vision, she witnessed Anna rolling her eyes, pulling out the milk bottle and twirling the nipple.

"Yes, STUPID, Marina - because there's no way in hell, I'm letting you go in there alone, after you've played tonsil hockey with High Queen BITCH, there!"

Anna snorted, Bianca blinked, and now Marina was pretty damned pissed. "May I speak to you over there, please?" She didn't wait for Sydney to agree, instead catching her cousin by the elbow, jerking her five feet away. "Exactly what is it that has you in such a snit?"

"I'm not in a snit," Sydney mumbled, eyes on the floor.

"You're acting like a child."

"I am NOT! You are!"

"SYDNEY," Marina snapped. "Don't you think what we're about to do is SLIGHTLY more important than your temper tantrum?!" She pointed to Bianca, and when Sydney finally looked, really looked, she discovered Bianca breathing in her child, eyes closed, easing down from her panicked state.

Finally, FINALLY, she got through.

"Okay, I'm sorry," Sydney breathed, palm to her forehead, pressing hard. "It's just.. something happened and..."

"And what?"

"It's a really FUCKING bad time to realize you're in love with somebody," Sydney snapped. Her eyes opened, glistening, and widened when she got a good look at Marina's neck. "Is that a hickey?!"

"WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

Okay. Kendall lied. Shane struggled to control her breathing, fighting the ringing in her head as Bianca's sister absorbed the craziness of the last seventy two hour.

"Okay, I know it sounds harsh, but-"

"BUT WHAT?!" Kendall hissed. "First my baby sister's baby is KIDNAPPED. MAGGIE, my sister's- whatever the hell you are-" Maggie blanched, "Is knocked out, left for dead-" Shane rubbed her temples, "Then YOU come in, kidnap a guy, TORTURE HIM-"

"That was actually Bianca that got it out of -"

"THEN you find out there's a HIT on my sister, so what do you do? You KIDNAP the assassin, and BRING HER HERE! And then, instead of ARRESTING HER, you cut a DEAL. Now, you're telling me, that you've hatched some nefarious plot, and BIANCA is out there RIGHT NOW, committing GRAND LARCENY?!"

The room was dead silent, and when Lena and Maggie both glanced helplessly at Shane, she found she had no words.

"Okay," she admitted. "It sounds worse than it really is."

Slapping a hand to her throat, Marina felt the bruised area, and when Sydney opened her mouth again, snapped, "Is this really the time or the place to talk about this?"

"Guys?" Balancing the feisty little Miranda on her hip, even Bianca looked annoyed. "As much fun as stealing from my own company IS, can we please get this over with? I don't care, just - I'll wait out here. Let's just do this so I can go home with my baby."

"She's right," Anna said idly, "We're wasting time." She twirled the DNA key in her fingertips, fingering a rattle in her free hand.

Bianca looked oddly disturbed, as if having anything in common with the killer was grounds for commitment.

"Okay," she whispered, rubbing at her neck, wincing at the red welt. "Sydney? You go in with Anna - I'll stay out here with Bianca. Would that be fine with you?"

Sydney's eyes rolled at the patronizing tone. "Completely," she said back, tone sarcastic. "We're not done," she added, poking her in the ribs.

Still, it was Marina that took the DNA key from Anna, and turned toward Bianca, apologetic expression saying much. "It'll just be a pinch."

Bianca held her child so closely, Marina knew better than to ask to take her away.

She sucked in her breath, reached for the arm of the child, only to have Bianca jerk back instinctively.

"Please," Sydney said softly, taking in Marina's blanch. "Bianca, we have to do this. It won't hurt her."

Bianca locked eyes with her cousin, and finally seemed to calm herself, taking one of Miranda's chubby fists in hers and kissing the fingertips, holding the squirming child as still as she could while Marina delicately pressed the key against her soft skin, pressed the switch.

A small hiss, Miranda's startled cry, and she had what she needed the smallest speck of blood, shifting her gaze away from Bianca and Miranda, mother comforting her shaken child.

She handed the key to her cousin, arched an eyebrow.

Anna shook the rattle playfully at her, and Marina only glared, turned again back to her cousin.

"Be careful."

Sydney squeezed her forearm, moved around her, and Marina was left with Bianca, turning to watch Sydney insert the key, see the vault doors open almost angrily, creaking in retaliation.

Marina didn't believe in psychics, had a harder time with prophecies, but the chill that moved up her spine was hard to ignore. She rubbed her arms against the goosebumps, pressed her lips together and took in a calming breath, turning her attention to Bianca.

What she saw worried her.

Bianca wore a puzzled frown, clutching her child almost as if in afterthought, eyebrows furrowed together, looking like a confused bunny rabbit.

"Bianca?"

The younger woman blinked, shaken from her focus, and she licked her lips, hesitating, before she stepped forward, and said urgently, "Marina - that rattle."

Marina met her, eyes darkening in concern. "What is it?"

"That rattle that Anna was holding," she whispered. "That's not Miranda's."

Marina blinked, unsure at first. "I thought that was her bag-"

"It was!" Bianca said, nodding. "It's Miranda's bag, but that rattle? That's not Miranda's. I don't recognize it."

Silence fell between the two women, as Marina's throat went dry, her mind sifting through the possibilities, settled on the only possible explanation with a sinking nausea.

"Ay, Dios," she whispered, turning back to the darkened vault.

Anna had snuck something in.

Shane's headache was reaching epic proportions, and mentally, she found herself cursing Sydney Bristow for deciding that babysitting duty was Shane's strong suit.

Kendall had yet to calm down, and now, she had managed to get everyone ELSE worked up, and if it was something that Shane just did NOT DO, was deal with hysterical straight chicks.

She didn't even like dealing with hysterical GAY chicks.

Hysterical Gay, Straight, and Confused Chicks put together?

Shane was seriously considering using her gun to shoot herself.

"Allright," she managed, picking her head up from in between her hands. "ALLRIGHT! Everyone, just CALM THE FUCK DOWN."

"I'm going over there," Kendall snapped, already moving toward the door.

"WHAT?" Shane blinked, shoving out of her chair. "No, you're not!"

"Actually, Shane?" Maggie planted herself in front of her, teeth digging into her lower lip. "I think that's a really good idea."

"You too, Brutus?"

"No, look! I’m going crazy cooped up in here! We don't even have to go in!" Maggie said, hands on her shoulders, rubbing comfortingly, "We can just peek in, from outside. Lena? Back me up!"

Shane glared over her shoulder at the corporate spy.

Lena licked her lips, taken by surprise, and Shane groaned when Lena reluctantly nodded. "I can't just sit here, Shane."

"No one's going anywhere," she snapped, pushing Maggie aside and catching the opening door, slamming it shut, ignoring Kendall's icy glare. "This isn't a fucking spectator's sport, all right?"

She was the hottest fucking lay in West Hollywood, and now she was playing babysitter for Romy and Michelle.

Love sucked ass.

"Shane - there are three of us," Kendall said frankly, "And one of you."

"And the one of me has a gun," Shane snapped, "And a badge," she continued, "And a really big fucking headache, so don't start with the threats."

"Shane, Shane-" Maggie shoved herself forward, hands pressed together like she was praying, "We don't even have to go inside! Okay? We can wait in the van! Please? Please? I'm so in love with Bianca, and it's killing me-"

"You're in love with Bianca?" Kendall interrupted.

Shane's eyes roll skywards as Maggie 'pfff'ed her. "Really - Kendall? Not right now."

Kendall turned to Lena. "You're okay with that?"

Lena just waved a hand, looking as tired as Shane felt.

"Shane? Shane? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

"Shut up!?" Shane barked.

"I’m going to cry!" Maggie warned. "We'll ALL START CRYING." Shane's eyes shot open. Maggie saw her opportunity, and Shane winced at her weakness, when she looked around her wildly. "Right? Won't we? Cause we're all so sad?!"

"YES!" Kendall said, nodding, catching on immediately. "I'll cry! You don’t want to see me cry!"

FUCK. Already, the tears were welling up, because apparently, Bianca's bitchy sister could do it on CUE.

"Okay, stop-"

"LENA!" Maggie barked. "CRY!"

"Lena, DON'T CRY."

But Lena just started laughing hysterically, and Shane shook her head in amazement as the exhausted Polish spy collapsed against the chair, face in her hands, laughing so hard at the absurdity of the situation, tears were coming out of her eyes.

"See?" Maggie said, wrapping arms around Lena's shaking shoulders. "CRYING!"

"Oh my God," Shane muttered, near tears herself, at least from frustration.

Her mind was swimming, her head was ringing, her heart was breaking, and she was at least ten hours away from a good espresso and a good fuck.

"FUCK it," she snapped, pushing out of her chair and heading toward the door. "We're going. And not because you're all insane, but because I'M going to kill someone if we stay in here another minute." Kendall immediately began wiping at her tears, smiling smugly, and Maggie squeezed Lena again, rushing for the door. Shane shook her head, never so ready to kill in her life. "You're staying in the van," she barked, slamming the door shut behind her.

Michael's vault was like every other rich madman's she had ever seen, and still, Sydney couldn’t help but hold her breath.

Instead of money, jewels, Michael's treasure were tiny, weathered scrolls, wooden artifacts, inscribed with the now familiar writing, pile after pile of ancient treasures he had probably spent years searching for, feeding his obsession.

Sydney wondered, as she stood in Michael's vault, if he had lived, how long it would have taken, to meet up with the bastard personally.

The dead Cambias tomb.

She shuddered, kept her emotions in check as she turned, sharp gaze on Anna, who shook her rattle playful, eyes wide now that they had reached her endgame, her purpose.

"Well?" Sydney asked, "Get what you came for!"

Anna's smile was slow, dangerous, and she shook her rattle again, glancing around her. "Tell me, Sydney," she said softly. "Now that your precious Bianca has her life and her daughter, what's binding you to our agreement?"

Sydney's jaw clenched, and she forced her fingers to uncurl from her fists, battling with her temper. "Anna, I'm hanging on by a thread here. Don't tempt me."

"Is it your honor?" she asked delicately. "That holds you to this devil's deal. True, without me, you'll never stop the hit on Bianca, but you could protect her, couldn't you?"

"Anna."

"What if I hadn't entirely honest?" she continued, the rattle dangling from her fingertips. "What if my deal, had a sudden fluctuation."

"SYDNEY."

Heart in her throat, Sydney whirled, discovered her cousin racing inside, eyes wide with worry, intense panic. "Marina."

"She snuck something in - there's something in the rattle!"

Sydney's heart jumped, and she swiveled, turned, to discover the smile on Anna's face wider now, like a cat that had just caught its mouse.

She shook the rattle again. "Tick, Tock."

And then she dropped the bomb.

Of course they didn't stay in the car.

Shane didn't even reach a stop before Kendall unbuckled her belt, jerked open the door, and slid out of the van.

"KENDALL!" Shane jerked off her sunglasses, watching helplessly as Maggie took that as an okay and jerked open the backdoor, slipping out herself. "Maggie!"

Lena sat in her seat, looking at Shane, shrugging halfhazardly.

Shane slumped in her seat, trying hard to ignore the painful pulse between her eyes. "I'm one of the top agents in the country," she managed. "I've hunted down some of the most notorious international criminals. I've slept with fucking Madonna. Why the hell can't I handle two Pine Valley chicks?"

Lena, in the middle of opening a pack of cigarettes, only shook her head, handing Shane a stick. "I am the wrong person to ask."

Taking the cigarette, she took a second to light it, inhaling the nicotine, closing her eyes for a brief respite, letting the smoke fill her lungs.

A second later, she jerked open the door. "I don't suppose you're staying here?" she asked.

Lena was already halfway out.

The rattle fell to the floor with a clang, rolling a few feet.

There was a dreaded, horrible silence, as Sydney, heart suddenly pounding, jerked her head up, catching Anna's droll smile.

"It's timed to go off in two minutes, Sydney," she said softly. "And while it's not very powerful, I would suggest you warn someone that there is a bomb in this building, as it will do significant damage to this floor. I would get the hell off it."

There was no way of disarming it, not now -

"SHIT!" She managed, and suddenly all three were racing for the doors, Anna a second before them both, skating through the opening and swinging a right, shoving Bianca out of the way.

Sydney skidded to a stop. "Are you okay?" she demanded, hands on the child, checking Miranda's head.

"I'm fine," Bianca managed, already scrambling to her feet, eyes wide with fear. "What's going on?"

"Sydney, GET HER OUT!"

Marina was already sprinting in Anna's direction, and Sydney's heart jumped. "MARINA!"

But her cousin was already gone, disappearing further into the labyrinth.

"Oh, SHIT," Sydney whispered, and for fear of madness, dismissed her immediately, already pushing at Bianca. "Come on, we gotta go. WE GOTTA GO-"

She began to run, keeping Bianca and the baby in front of her, maneuvering Bianca fast, back the way they came, mentally counting fast, hard.

One minute thirty. One minute twenty nine. One minute twenty-eight-

She skidded past the unconscious guards, shoved Bianca. "KEEP GOING! The STAIRS, BIANCA!" Shrugging out of her blazer, she covered Miranda's head, ignoring the frightened child's screams. "Get to the stairs by the elevator and don't stop until you're OFF THIS FLOOR."

Bianca cast her a wild stare, but she obeyed, racing ahead. Sydney gulped for air.

One minute eight. One minute seven. One minute six.

She slapped at a guard, ignoring his groggy yelp of pain. "GET UP!" she snapped, and already was manipulating dials, chanting hard into the security box, "This is security on the floor. There is a BOMB ON THIS FLOOR. EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. THERE IS A BOMB IN THE BASEMENT AND IT WILL GO OFF IN ONE MINUTE. GET OFF THE FUCKING FLOOR."

Her chest spiked with pain, and Marina pushed past the exhaustion, moving fast now, eyes only on Anna's departing form. The lights were flickering now, and Sydney's voice rang overhead, her personal death dealer.

She dug into her waist, extracted the blade easily, and didn't waste time.

One more turn and she would lose Anna.

She threw, and heard the cry.

But she had overshot her momentum, and she stumbled, slamming hard into the corner, careening off balance and crashing into the other side.

Anna lay beside her, pulling hard on Marina's blade, dug deep in her shoulder.

Marina's head was exploding, and she found herself dazed, unable to stand when she pressed her palm against her forehead and came away with hot, sticky blood.

Ten feet away, Anna let out a low, throaty laugh.

"Time's up, Marina."

And then hell erupted, and met her in the basement.

She had her hand on Kendall's, closing around her wrist, when the ground shook and Shane nearly stumbled, bewildered as she looked at the lobby, discovered the flood of panicked people coming out of Cambias Industries.

Lena already had Maggie in her arms, pulling her away, and Shane's throat went dry, ignoring Kendall's high pitched cries, the world swimming around her as she stared at the building, intact, but something was dreadfully, dreadfully wrong.

And then she heard it. Heard the babbles. The guards barking into remotes.

Bomb.

"Oh, shit."